Deadpool Fucks the Marvel Universe

BY : Huh
Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Deadpool
Dragon prints: 8865
Disclaimer: I don’t own Deadpool or any Marvel characters and sadly make no money off this fanfiction.

“For the last time Deadpool, we are never going to have post-mission sexy times, as you put it.” Domino unloaded the magazine from her handgun and started to clean it at the workbench. Deadpool’s apartment was as always littered with junk food and smelt of swift masturbation.
 
“Ah, I take it you’re more of the pipe and slippers type?” Deadpool scratched his junk and shrugged.
 
Wait. Wait, hold that introductory thought. Where are we?
 
I believe we’re in a fanfiction.
 
“A fanfiction? Oh, truly the king’s medium of creative outlets. Only question is what kind?”
 
You think we’ll run into Sonichu? I’ve got a feeling.
 
No, no, I think it’s all text.
 
“Really? No illustrative accompaniment whatsoever? What a fucking ripoff.”
 
“Who the fuck are you talking to?” Domino turned, revealing her massive bouncing breasts sealed beneath tight latex.
 
‘Massive bouncing breasts?’ Classy to say the least.       
 
Erotic fanfiction it would appear.
 
“Fuck yes, ahem, I mean, might as well make the most of it. Sorry Domi-hoe, the gods demand that we plow.”
 
“Still haven’t gotta clue what you’re talking about, which brings me back to my original point. Never going to happen. You land some sweet kills, but you don’t know a damn thing about how to treat a lady.”
 
Playing hard to get, seriously? Please don’t tell me this an 800 page Tsundere piece written by a weeb.
 
Let’s just see how this plays out. Unless it is a troll fic we could still get lucky.
 
“Shrek is love, shrek is life!” Deadpool screamed to the heavens.
 
Really?
 
“Just testing the waters.”
 
Domino raised an eyebrow and scoffed, “If you payed as much attention to me as you did those supposed voices in your head we might have something.”
 
“Forgive me, my darling black-eyed pea. Daddy Deadpool is here now.” He reached out and held her passionately in his arms.
 
Domino shoved the magazine back into her handgun and held it to Deadpool’s chin. “Don’t make me blow your brains out for the 5th time today.”
 
It is a tsundere story, damnit!
 
What do you want from us?
 
“You want to impress me?” Domino squinted. “If you convince some other reputable heroines that you’re worth sleeping with I might reconsider. It’s going to take a lot of convincing though.
 
Hold it, I think this is the setup!
 
“I wasn’t paying attention, doll. You say something?” Deadpool felt the muzzle of the gun grind against his chin.
 
“I was saying, if you sleep with some high-profile women, I might be willing to reconsider.” Domino licked her lips. "Of course those conditions will never be met, I don't think you could convince me you were a real lady-killer unless you slept with every super woman out there."
 
“What kinda weird-ass logic is that?”
 
Roll with it. Please roll with it, you asshat.
 
“Very well, milady. I shall collect evidence of my suave and irresistible demeanor on the masses, in return for your favor!”
 
“Deadpool?” Domino cocked her head.
 
“Yyyyyessss?”
 
“Let go of my ass.”
 
“Oh, right sorry. Force of habit.” Deadpool raised up his palms from her slick latex asscheeks and coughed nervously.
 
“Don’t come back until you do, got it?” Domino turned and resumed polishing her weapon.
 
“Understood…oh this going to be fun!”
 
Assuming the author is merciful.
 
I’m up for it either way!
 
“Where should I start my crusade, I wonder?” Deadpool scratched his balls again.

Perhaps one that shares our abilities.
 
Who? Wolverine? We can both take a lot of punishment.
 
One that shares our meta worldview, idiot.
 
That makes sense, not into short hairy, male slash, huh?
 
“It’s settled. Boys, we are starting with She-Hulk. She’ll understand our burden, and hopefully fuck our brains out in the process. Now will you two pipe down? Only so much meta humor the prepubescent boys reading this garbage can take, geez!” 
 
 ———————-

Deadpool dusted himself off as he savored the smell of his own burning flesh. The security system within the Baxter Building was state of the art, but a room full of buzzsaws, lasers, and laser buzzsaws wasn't about to remove him from an encounter with titanic green poon.

“Once again, artful delivery there. Especially the word choice of ‘poon,’ not cringy at all.” Deadpool said aloud to no one in particular.

Best not to brownnose, he could still write us into a corner.

“Oh no, I’m saving the real brown nosing for later.”

HA!

Gross.

Deadpool stepped out of the elevator cab and sought out the enormous outline silhouetted before the far windowed wall of the gym. The sky bathed her sweaty, sculpted physique in evening light. All around her gym equipment lay broken and bent. The steel weights strewn about featured handprints heavily indented in their handles. The bench supporting her groaned in protest as she continued to pump a lone dumbbell in her left hand.

“I’m not getting out of here with my pelvis in one piece, am I?”

“I’d be more concerned about your ass, Wade. I’ve been depicted as a futanari more times than I can count in these stupid things.” With a massive thud a crater was formed where she released the dumbbell.

“Ohhhh, well…then you know why I’m here.”

“Of course I do. I’ve been breaking the fourth-wall since the 80’s. Long before you came along.”

“I have always liked older women. Uh, Shulkie, why are you still hanging around the Fantastic Four anyways?  I thought their run was cancelled in 2015.”

“It was. That’s why I hang out here in my time off. It’s not like I’m going to show up in the MCU anytime soon, so when I’m not in the pages, I just chill here.”

“This is starting to make my brain hurt. I’m not used to talking to someone else with 4th wall vision.”

“You’re just accustomed to juvenile humor derived from banking off the reaction of the unaware straight-man, when you don’t have that situational cushioning your shtick falls flat, which is why it makes you uncomfortable.”

“GODDAMNIT, just shut up and get naked already! I need to know if you have a dick!”

“Very well, let’s see what we got under this purple onesie.” She-Hulk hooked her thumbs under her shoulder straps and peeled down the fabric over her frame, showcasing firm, round breasts and a taut stomach, she continued bringing it down her hips.

“Please, please, please, please, please.”

To reveal a shaven mound and green vulva glistening with still more sweat from her workout.

“Yes! I knew this was the right choice!”

“Huh. Well, ok then. This is still going to hurt, Deadpool.” She-Hulk stood and grabbed him by the shoulders, and forced him onto the bench. “It’s a good thing you can regenerate.”

“WAIT! Before you destroy that Wade Winston Wilson willie I have to ask you something.”

“Ugh, what is it? Much more dialogue and the readers will start to lose interest.”

“Hey! They are the ones who decided to read porn! Anyway, how do I go about bedding the ladies that aren’t as ‘in-tune’ as you are? I’m not really in the mood to go full non-con on everybody after this chapter is over.”

“You really are a fucking idiot.”

“Thank you?”

“These things tend to lead into each other with little to no effort on your part. But if you’re really looking to score some strategy points in this story, just remind them how horrible their past relationships have been. We’re comic book characters, dumbass. Chances are if a woman here isn’t dead or dying, she’s been recently dumped, depowered or some other bullshit, play that to your advantage.”

“Wow, your analysis is both informative and cynical. We probably shouldn’t delve too deeply into the ‘Women in Refrigerators’ stuff though, don’t want to step on any toes! I personally have always respected women. Nice tits by the way.”

“Thanks, each one weighs about as much as you do. You want to get going?

“BRING IT ON!”

In a flash, She-Hulk had torn off his pants and thrown them across the room.

“Holy frijoles that is some cold A/C!”

“Don’t let that thing think get any tinier.” She seized his dick and immediately brought it to her lips.

She didn’t even hesitate as she shoved his spotty, bulbous length over her tongue and tucked it inside of her cheek. Her emerald eyes went blank as she savored his head like a lollipop and willed it engorge. Between strings of saliva and quickened breaths, she mumbled, “Not canon, can do…whatever…I want.”

“Oof, well maybe not anyth—

“Mask off, now.” She-Hulk stood and swiveled a massive thigh over his head, before slamming her enormous ass on his face. “Worship it, wimp. We’ve got expectations to adhere to and don’t think for one second I’m going to let this audience down.”

“Shmmgmsofffonbmgwahed!”

Couldn’t agree more.

This is how I want to die!

Shulk wasted no time in getting all seven inches down her throat and forcefully gagged herself silly with his rod, while tears rushed over her cheeks.

Deadpool flailed like an idiot while he was suffocated under half a ton of ass meat. Every attempt to breath properly was met with a punishing slam that bent the steel legs of the bench. “Yep, that, ooofff, that was my skull cracking.”

“You know you love it.” She flipped her hair around and began to bounce wildly, while jerking him off at lightning pace. “It all stops when you make me cum, Deadpool.”

“I need mahdickferthat!”

“Use that tongue, loser, then you’ll get that cliché creampie you boys always seem to want.”

DP was silenced again beneath massive slabs of butt. Despite her demands, he could do little apart from merely offering his tongue while she mercilessly slammed her pelvis into his face, The metal bench groaned again beneath him, with each pass he felt his jaw grow looser while the bridge of his nose was beaten and a river of blood fled from his nostrils and mixed with her excited glistening juices.

“Oh yesssss,” She-Hulk raked her vulva over his face, before pistoning her ass in a round of final convulsions. “ She-Hulk SMASH!”

Deadpool felt his eye sockets crack and his skull rattle under the assault until finally the steel legs of the bench bowed and met with the floor. Though his neck had snapped long minutes ago, he still possessed feeling in his face to catch the powerful contractions of her thighs and loins begging for release.

Plumes of dust shot up from the linoleum followed by a network of cracks radiating from the epicenter of her blows. Exercise equipment tumbled over like cardboard boxes in the wake and the glass window shattered. In the next minute the girder beneath gave way and sent them to the floor below.

She-Hulk cracked a smile as she stood and eyed Deadpool’s awestruck and very broken body among the rubble. “Good enough for ya?”

“J-Jennifer? What the hell is going on?” Through the cloud an invisible barrier began to collect the excess dust in a sphere. On a couch in front of them The Invisible Woman sat aghast. More surprise company was found as Lyja the Lazerfist joined her in a fit of coughing.

“Whoops, sorry about dropping in like this Sue, Lyja. Just got really into the moment.”

Deadpool wobbled in the concrete and rebar debris only to immediately fall down again as he allowed his nerves to finish reattaching. “Woohee, you must’ve hit me harder than I thought, now I’m seeing two beautiful green ladies.”

Lyja giggled as he dragged himself out of the wreckage, but stopped as she looked nervously to Sue.

It seems we have audience.

Don’t we always?

A female audience.

Ohhhhhh.

“What is the meaning of this, Jennifer? Care to explain?” The Invisible Woman blinked in and out of sight from the pure embarrassment of seeing her naked friend.

“Is he a jester?” Lyja inquired.

“Hey!”

“Yes, but I use him for other things.” She-Hulk casually strode to the sofa and lovingly locked an arm around the skrull. “This is Deadpool. We’re working on a project, care to help?”

 



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