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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant	By : TheConstant1944 Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Captain America Views: 2391 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel characters. They are solely owned by Marvel and MCU. No money is made from this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Eighty
Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes - Everyone Has A Dark Side

Steve watches Bucky.
The other man cannot settle. Steve is getting used to the way Bucky prowls around looking at everything, touching things. He picks things up, looks at them, and puts them down but Steve notices he hasn't looked at any of the photographs on the side. Steve stands, goes over to his record player, selects an LP, and puts it on. Soon there is gentle music playing, the songs they used to know so well and he sees that it is having an affect on Bucky. Bucky is stood still.
“You okay?” he asks, but receives no reply. Bucky stands with his back to him, a book in his hands, but Steve can see that whilst he might be looking at it, his thoughts are elsewhere.
“Hey?” Steve goes up to him, moves so he can see Bucky and Bucky is crying, large fat silent tears. He takes the book out of Bucky's hand and slowly and gently puts his right hand in Bucky's left, his arm around Bucky's waist.
“Let go,” he whispers, and feels the tension drain out as Bucky begins to move with him, slowly, resting his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve can feel the tears making a wet patch on his tee shirt. He closes his eyes and allows his body to rest against Bucky's, lets the music speak for him. He feels Bucky move and opens his eyes to look at him; beautiful blue eyes into beautiful blue eyes. Steve wants him so badly, wants to lay him down on the bed, wants to make love to him. He leans forward slowly and nuzzles Bucky's neck and for a moment he feels Bucky is responding.
“Tell him what you did.” The Winter Soldier's voice is a sneer, and contains such hatred and contempt for himself. “Let him see what you are capable of doing to those you love,” and Bucky groans. Steve feels his body tense.
“No don't, don't make me...” Bucky's voice is quiet, and Steve believes the comment is directed at him and pulls back so that he is no longer touching Bucky.
“I didn't mean to upset you,” he says, and Bucky stops moving. Steve tries to get him to look up at him but Bucky won't, he can see his lips are moving as if still having a conversation. “Buck, I won't make you do anything you don't want to,” Steve says and finally Buck looks up. His eyes are a window straight into his tortured soul.
“Don't hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” Steve frowns, not fully understanding the sentiment behind the words.
“Tell him!” The Winter Soldier dares him.
“What makes you think I would ever hate you?” Steve asks.
“Tell him!” The Winter Soldier shouts.
“Bucky, I love you. I've always loved you. You're my life, and all this time without you has been so terrible, so...” Steve searches for the word but instead his eyes widen as the look on Bucky's face changes. His entire demeanour changes. Physically, and emotionally, he pushes Steve away from him.
“Shut up!” The Winter Soldier is angered. He needs to shut him up, needs to stop him from telling him how much he means to him. He doesn't deserve love, he doesn't deserve kindness. Bucky Barnes doesn't deserve Steven Rogers.
“I have to go...” Bucky says, and the words make Steve feel sick.
“Go? Go where? Buck, come on, I can look after you. I can protect you...”
But Bucky steps further away from him, looks at him with cold, cruel eyes. “I don't need your protection!” he spits.
Steve puts his hand out but Bucky hits it away.
“You're weak,” he sneers at Steve, who is taken aback when Bucky lifts his hands and shoves him hard back against the wall.
“Buck...” But Steve doesn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Bucky steps up into his space, as he feels Bucky's body pin his to the wall; as Bucky's lips meet his - but it is not a gentle kiss and Steve tries to break the contact, tries to move, but there is such an anger in Bucky he can't. He cannot push too hard for fear Bucky will think he is pushing him away.
“You want me, huh? You want to fuck me? Come on Steve, I know you do. Fuck me like the guards did. Oh, they liked me, loved me, couldn't get enough, would line up right up against the cot in my cell, hold me down, fuck me as hard as they could. You want some of that, right? Right!” His voice does not sound like Bucky's usual tone: it is hard, uncompromising.
“No Buck, wait, you've got it wrong...oh christ Buck, stop,” and now Steve is almost crying. He feels Bucky's hands slide under his tee shirt and his heart starts beating fast; oh God how he has missed him. How does he react? Does Bucky want this or is Steve forcing him into this? He is just so out of his depth.
It is a strange physical feeling, one soft warm hand and one hard and cold. Bucky's hands scrabble at the tee shirt and then slide underneath, searching next for the belt around Steve's jeans. He undoes it and throws it on the floor all the while pressing his mouth to Steve's, exploring him with his tongue, hurting him. Steve tries to touch Bucky back, tries to take hold of him but in a moment of anger Bucky's hands make it obvious he doesn't want to be touched. He breaks contact and looks at Steve, anger and pain in his eyes.
”You're weak,” he repeats, and then clutching a handful of Steve's hair he bangs the back of Steve's head hard against the wall and uses his body to once again trap him up against the wall.
Steve cannot fight back, and if truth be known he doesn't want to. Bucky's hands return to Steve's body, to his stomach, and Steve's indrawn breath tells him that Steve wants him as he slides his hand down the front of Steve's jeans and feels the hard shaft. His other hand unzips the jeans and Steve closes his eyes as he feels Bucky take control, he can't stop him, he can't fight him and he groans as Bucky's hand begins to move up and down. It is so sudden and so unexpected that Steve cannot help himself. It takes only a few moments before he feels the pressure and then groaning he comes into Bucky's hand.
Steve's head comes forward, sweat on his brow and his eyes open as Bucky steps back. Only it is not Bucky looking at him, it is the Winter Soldier, such a cruel hard look on his face.
“So weak. So unable to control yourself.” His tone is full of contempt.
Steve's stomach drops. He feels sick as Bucky turns around and walks through to the kitchen to wash his hands and Steve stumbles to the bathroom to clean himself up. He stays in there for a long time, needing to get his head around what had just happened. He knows Bucky, knows how to handle him - but this side of him is a stranger.
He looks at himself in the mirror. “You can do this.” He takes a deep breath and goes into the kitchen. Bucky stands by the sink looking out of the window with his back to him, hands spread either side of him leaning on the edge of the sink. “I need to go,” he says without turning around. Those words again, the ones that started this episode, this mess.
“Bucky, you don't...let me look after you. We can face this together.” The exact words, but this time instead Bucky Barnes laughs and it is not a humorous laugh. It is bitter and he turns around to face Steve.
“If I don't...if I stay...I will hurt you. I will tear you apart. You won't know who you're living with...that's what I do. I hurt those I love, I kill them. I kill their love!” There is such a sadness in his voice that Steve's heart goes out to him. Bucky's shoulders are slumped and he rubs his face. He feels so tired, so alone again, so unbelievably hopeless. How can he leave Steve now he has found him? Now that Steve has told him how much he loves him?
Steve comes forward and in panic Bucky holds his hands up to keep him at a distance but Steve ignores him and moves forward this time into Bucky's space. He looks at him, searches his eyes, sees the pain there. He touches his arm and Bucky doesn't move. “I love you, Buck, I always have done and I always will. You won't hurt me, I know you...I know you.”
“You don't know what I've done...” Bucky whispers – the Winter Soldier whispers. Steve realises there is something that Bucky is trying to tell him. Something specific.
“Tell me...” But before he even finishes the second word Bucky is shaking his head, his face showing that he is growing angry again - but not at Steve, at himself. He nearly let Steve persuade him to stay, nearly let him in. How could he be so stupid? He will tarnish him, he will lose his innocence in being with Bucky. He will kill him and Steve's love for him just like he killed...her. He shakes his head and murmurs no as he tries to flee from that memory, the one that haunts him so much.
He walks past Steve and out into the living room, picking up items on the way, and then through to the bedroom.
Steve closes his eyes for a moment. How does he get through to him?
He opens them turns and follows. “You promised me you would stay.”
The Soldier laughs but again there is no humour; just a sense of condescension directed at Steve as if that is what he thinks of him. “And you think I always keep my promises?” he asks tauntingly.
He is angrily stuffing clothes into his backpack.
“To me yes.”
“Well Steve, meet the real me.”
“I can't lose you again,” Steve says quietly, and Bucky stops.
“You really think you can take me on? You really think you can cope with...” He laughs that bitter laugh again and then turns back to what he is doing.
Steve is now beginning to feel anger, allowing it to take hold from where it has been brewing for a while. Steve Rogers has always tried to keep his temper in check, only Bucky has ever seen his dark side, how things can eat away at him until they consume him. He is so afraid of losing the one person he cares for more than any other that it turns to a deep-seated anger: Anger that Bucky is going to leave, anger for all the months he has searched for him, anger for losing him in the first place.
He strides forward and snatches the backpack from Bucky's hands and throws it clear across the room.
“You think I'm weak? You really think that?” he demands, eyes blazing, and he grabs Bucky's wrist, the grip hard and unyielding. “You don't know what I have lived with since they dragged me back to life...you don't know what my thoughts have been...you don't know how hard it has been trying to find you, trying to stay focused on all that has happened...you don't know anything!”
He pulls Bucky to him and Bucky struggles but Steve's grip is uncompromising. “Let me go!” Bucky growls, but he isn't really talking about Steve's grip. He isn't just struggling against Steve, he is struggling against feelings that he hasn't had to deal with for so long. Steve just holds him harder, just reaches up and grasps Bucky's hair at the back and pulls his head up then leans forward to kiss him. Bucky tries to turn his head but Steve's grip won't let him.
“Let me go,” he says, quieter this time as he stops struggling, as he lets Steve kiss him. It is as uncompromising as Bucky's kiss was earlier. Steve's hand lets go of his hair and instead comes around Bucky to pull him closer.
He breaks the kiss.
“I can't do this,” Bucky whispers, eyes closed and Steve sees that he is surrendering but he can't be nice to him; if he shows any weakness the Winter Soldier will dominate Bucky and he needs to keep Bucky with him.
“You can, and you will.”
Bucky's eyes open at the harshness in Steve's tone and he feels himself propelled backwards onto the bed. Steve follows, pinning him there, not breaking eye contact, ensuring Bucky cannot escape. The room is quiet; all they can hear is each other's breathing. Steve is holding Bucky down on the messed up sheets, those blue eyes flash as he sees the Winter Soldier look up at him and without realising what he is going to do Steve hits him, bloodying, his lip. Bucky's eyes widen and he growls. Tony Stark once said to Steve that he does not trust anyone who does not have a dark side – well, if he saw Steve now he would trust him until the ends of the earth.
“I told you Bucky is mine,” his friends would not recognise Steve's voice.
“Get the fuck off me!”
“Make me!”
Steve has a few extra inches on Bucky and a few more pounds, but Bucky has the Winter Soldier's anger and experience and so Steve has to be as brutal as the Winter Soldier is until both men are panting with the exertion of the fight and it is Steve who is winning.
He now has Bucky pinned face down, arm pulled up behind his back, the other arm pinned under his own body. Steve's face is scratched and bleeding, and Bucky's eye will be black and blue within minutes and blood seeps from his lip into the bed clothes.
But Steve has not finished and Bucky feels a hand pull at his trousers. “Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare!” The Winter Soldier tries to get up, tries to shake Steve off, but Steve isn't going to let him. Isn't going to give in this time. Bucky is his and he is going to prove it. As he pulls Bucky's trousers and shorts down he leans in so the Winter Soldier can hear him.
“You think I'm weak? Not when it comes to Bucky. He belongs to me, you bastard, he's mine. And that means you're mine just as much as he is. ”
Bucky's tee shirt is damp with sweat. He tries once more to rise but can't and instead his body stops moving, stops fighting. Steve feels the change and pauses in what he is doing for a moment. He hears Bucky say something and when he looks at him he has his eyes closed.
He leans in again, doubt now coursing through his mind. What the hell am I doing? What the hell do I think I'm going to do? His mind is now telling him to stop, his anger cooling. Before he can alter his position he hears Bucky whisper again.
“Hurt me.”
Steve's grip loosens, shock runs through his body. “What? No, I...”
Bucky turns his head and looks up at him then moves to turn over. Steve stops him.
“I told you that you're weak...” The Winter Soldier sneers, and there is that thin-lipped smile. He didn't fight as much as he could have. He needs it to be Steve who is the one to stop, to push him away to show the Soldier he is not worthy of anyone's love. For Steve to be the one to say he does not want him because over the years the Soldier has shared what memories Bucky tried to keep of Steve and he has had a longing for this man that he does not want to acknowledge. When Steve said he was his as much as Bucky was, the Soldier could have wept.
Could have.
Anger boils up again in Steve and he pushes him back down on his front.
“You think so huh?”
And the Winter Soldier feels Steve's strong hands pulling at him. Feels his fingers searching and he closes his eyes. His cock is so hard it hurts. He wants Steve to hurt him, wants him to take him. He needs him to and in his mind he is begging him to.
Steve complies.
*
Bucky can hear Steve talking quietly in the living room. He knows Steve is on the phone, but at first doesn't know who to.
“Look it's not forever, just for....no, look please,” Steve is quiet. “If our friendship ever meant anything to you then please help me, Tony. I need to keep him safe.”
“So you want to move him in here?” The sarcasm in Tony's voice is full on.
Steve would be shocked if he could see Tony on the other end of the line. The industrialist is having difficulty keeping his emotions flat. He knows Steve does not know it was the Winter Soldier who assassinated Tony's parents and now Steve is handing him over to one of the people who want to see the Winter Soldier dead.
Ironic.
But Tony is not ready to kill him yet, and so it is better that he knows where his enemy is rather than searching for him in the future with Steve's hand against him.
Steve is quiet on the other end of the phone, not understanding why Tony is so reluctant. In the end he hears the other man sigh.
“I suppose he's house trained? Bring him over. God only knows what Pepper will say...in fact what the hell is Romanoff going to say? I suppose you want his room close to yours so you can keep an eye on him, hold his hand...”
Steve breaks into what could become a monologue of bad jokes. “Can we come today?”
Another sigh. “Yes I suppose so.”
“Thanks, Tony. I really appreciate this.”
Steve hangs up.
“Yes, Steve, and I appreciate it too.” Tony says to the silent handset as he ends the call.
Another voice breaks in. “Sir...?”
“Shut up, Jarvis. I know just what you are going to say.”
“It would be prudent...”
“It's none of your business.”
“But...”
“Stay out of it Jarvis or else I may have to pull your plug...understand?” and Tony is not joking.
Silence. Then: “Yes, sir.”
*
Steve finishes on the telephone and comes back into the bedroom but he cannot look at Bucky – he speaks but looks everywhere else but in to those eyes.
“What did I do?” Bucky asks, and his voice is full of shame and worry. He is not certain of all that had happened before; the Soldier does not always let him share.
“It's okay. It wasn't you, it was me.” Steve's voice is non-committal.
“No Steve, it would still have been me.” And Steve knows exactly what Bucky is referring to.
“Grab your things. We're moving.”
Bucky does not speak. Instead he stands and moves closer to Steve – lifts his hand to touch him but instead Steve steps back, lifts his own hand. “Don't,” he says.
Bucky's hand drops, they both stand still, neither knowing what to say, how to act. The strong musky scent of sex hangs in the air, reminding them of what just happened.
Bucky is the one who breaks the silence; his tone speaks volumes of his pain in what he says. “I asked you not to hate me but I can see now that that is impossible. I destroy everything I touch.” And he turns away.
Steve looks at Bucky. My God how wrong can Bucky be?
“Hate you? Hate you? Is that what you think?” He dry washes his face. Bucky has sat down on the bed, staring at the floor.
Why? Steve thinks, why do people always think I am so innocent, that butter wouldn't melt in my mouth? I grew up in Brooklyn, for God's sake. He has the same desires as everyone else. He wanted Bucky and he took him. Forced him to...
“Look at me,” he says, and Bucky does. He walks over to where Bucky is sat, kneels down, takes Bucky's hands. “You told me the guards raped you, and what did I do? I held you down and took you against your will. I don't hate you Bucky. I hate myself.” Bucky begins to shake his head, to jump to Steve's defence. “It wasn't against my will...”
“You truly don't know what you mean to me do you? You have no idea?” Steve asks and he can see the answer in Bucky's eyes.
“I would do anything for you – anything,” he raises Bucky's hands to his mouth and kisses them and Bucky can see he is crying now as quietly as Bucky was before they had danced.
He leans his head on Bucky's knees and Bucky strokes his hair.
“I destroy everything I touch,” Bucky repeats his words from before: “You have to let me go.”
“Never. You don't destroy, you just have to remember what you are, who you are. It isn't you who destroys, it's the Winter Soldier,” Steve says.
“And he's part of me.”
“I know.”
They are quiet for a time and then Steve looks up. He reaches up touches Bucky's face, leans forward, kisses his eyes, his cheeks, his mouth.
“I love you. I love every part of you. Can't you understand that?” And now Bucky knows Steve is telling the truth.
Inside him the Winter Soldier stirs once more, but Bucky clamps down hard on him to stop him before he can do any more damage. “Steve, show me how much you love me. Make me forget everything but you and your touch.”
Steve hesitates and Bucky stands, takes off his tee shirt, undresses and Steve can see how much Bucky needs him.
“You think...” Steve's voice dries up and he clears his throat, tries to smile looking up at Bucky, “you think I've forgotten?” and Bucky frowns to show he doesn't quite understand.
“You think I've forgotten what you used to like me to do, what sent you crazy?” And he smiles such a smile that Bucky swallows.
Steve brings his hand up and touches Bucky's stomach, draws a line downwards and Bucky forgets to breathe. He leans forward and kisses the very top of Bucky's hard cock and then slowly runs his tongue down the length and Bucky groans, wraps his right hand in Steve's hair.
“Shit,” Bucky whispers and Steve cannot help but smile as he leans forward, takes Bucky's cock and rubs his hand up and down and then follows it with his tongue. He then starts to take his cock in his mouth as his hand cups Bucky's ball sac and Bucky closes his eyes. Steve's mouth is wet, warm and soft, his throat welcoming.
Bucky leans his head back and gives himself into the feel of it.
Neither realise that instead of making Bucky forget, he is making him remember. Steve's love for him encompasses everything and even the Winter Soldier surrenders to his touch.
And for a few sweet moments Steve sets him free.
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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant