Acceptance | By : ScereyahaDreamweaver Category: Marvel Verse Movies > Avengers, The Views: 3928 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel (nor the avengers, nor science boyfrinds), It's fandom, nor theses characters, just this interpretation of their relationship, I make no money from this. |
A week later, Bruce lay on the testing room’s table again, hooked up to the machine and much more at ease about it than the last time. The other tests had gone pretty much exactly as Anthony had predicted. He had always trusted his friend’s judgement, when it came to science at least, but now he was being given concrete evidence that it was not overconfidence.
What remained to be tested was the application of what they had discovered. Context was apparently a greater part of the considerations than even Bruce could have ever believed, and oxytocin -the brain’s love chemical- showed more promise than anything for suppressing an incident. On its own, this would not be so awkward. He understood that it was also responsible for feelings of familiarity and the caring bond one would expect between friends and family, not just romantic love. What made it slightly awkward was that it seemed to have greater effect when paired with dopamine, one of the main chemicals involved in any kind of gratification. It did a lot to explain why Betty had always had some ability to calm him down, even during an episode. He loved and respected her as much as he could anyone. He admired her courage and her character, but he still did not feel he could ever trust himself with her. He had, once upon a time, but there were far too many complications between them now; not lest of all that he had transformed in the middle of their attempted wedding and that, most unfortunately, she did not seem emotionally capable of dealing with his multiple personalities.
Anthony took his time getting everything ready and taking some baseline readings for the day. He was concerned that the serotonin levels were even lower than usual and that the oxytocin already in his system had taken a large dip since the last time he took a measurement, though he also noticed that the vasopressin levels were a bit higher. He had often considered that a problem they both shared might have been as basic as inadequate oxytocin and -possibly- serotonin production. It would help to explain both of their tendencies to feel isolated and uncared for, even despite evidence to the contrary, and both of their habits of falling into depression. He was certain the same thoughts had occurred to Bruce, even before he had brought it up, but neither of them thought that keeping themselves dosed with artificial hormones was really the answer to their problems. Understanding the balances they had naturally and how it affected them could be useful, certainly. He also realized that, for one of them at least, a happy pill might become necessary, but they had agreed on multiple occasions that with all they had been through the real solution was to deal with their problems first, and then consider medication if there was still an issue. He was still concerned about the change though, enough so that he stopped responding to the banter he had been engaging in all the way down to the lab.
“Is… everything alright?” Bruce asked, craning his neck to look over at him.
Anthony walked over to the table and continued their conversation, rather than addressing the question directly. Ever so often, he reached out and poked Bruce, or alternately touched his arm in some way, checked the restraints as an excuse, and tried to keep him laughing and distracted.
He walked around the table, adjusting a few more things. He checked the oxytocin levels showing on the screen. They were now up to what he had become used to seeing. He did not have to wonder about the increase. It was not necessarily anything to note, as Bruce had spent the last while talking amicably with someone he considered a close friend and had a laugh or two -albeit nervous laughter- now that he was relaxing a bit. It was reasonable enough that he would be able to induce a reaction like that. He of course was not going to communicate any of this to his test subject, just watch the man form his own conclusions about the readings, at which he was sneaking peeks.
“How are you feeling?” Anthony asked him as he adjusted the adrenalin levels.
“Fine." he answered, though he twisted his wrist against one of the restraints, not out of discomfort, but rather to assure himself it was still there.
Anthony walked to the panel.
“Relax a little; I’m starting in with the oxytocin. This should… get things going.” His tone on the last phrase suggesting he was trying to stay away from some uncomfortable euphemism, for once.
Bruce breathed deeply again, waiting to feel the effects. He thought he could feel his pupils dilating when it hit him. He blushed. There might not have been any direct stimulation involved, but oxytocin is the brain chemical responsible for love and -to a degree- pleasure, and they both knew it. There was something decidedly awkward about his exact physiological reaction being closely observed on the screen, even if Anthony was a close and trusted friend. It was not as awkward as actual arousal would be, but it was still enough to make him feel nervous. Not to mention that the mix of adrenalin and oxytocin felt a lot more like sexual arousal than he had thought it could, despite -thankfully- the lack of physical response, so far at least. He was not even sure whether it was the chemicals alone or the idea that he was being observed and was safe, that was causing the nervous but pleasant enough feeling in his chest.
Anthony watched the screen diligently. His heart rate was not dropping as much as expected, but all other danger signs were moving into the negative steadily. His body was taking care of turning out the right cocktail of other chemicals, just in response to the oxytocin and social contact.
“I’m trying very hard not to say -I told you so- just for you." he said and flipped the screen around and moved it on its arm so Bruce did not have to strain so far to see it properly.
“How does that feel?" he asked him, checking in again, knowing he was fine, but wanting to keep him at ease.
“Good.” said Bruce, lips pressing together in mild annoyance that his friend was leaving him trapped into awkward wording, probably on purpose.
“And that…" he asked.
He felt a small playful poke on his side from a warm finger.
“You really have boundary issues, don’t you?" he asked before he thought about it.
If he had thought about it, he would have stayed away from the whole line of thinking. He was not necessarily the master at human behaviour that Anthony -could- be, but he had a lot of insight into what made people tick. He knew that Anthony was lonely, and thus compelled to seek out these tiny bits of human contact, even unconsciously. He had always been this way, putting himself in other people’s personal space, in contact with them, especially people of whom he was fond. Bruce had never had anything against that behaviour, but what he had just said was the same as verbally slapping his hand away.
He looked to his friend quickly; suddenly concerned he might take it too personally. Anthony’s lower eyelid twitched. This meant he was annoyed more than hurt. Bruce knew that the impulse to get angry automatically, instead of sad, was a healthy coping mechanism for some, mostly due to anger being a physically healthier emotion than depression. The logic being that; not only were there more stimulating chemicals involved, rather than depressants, but also that it was -by nature- more motivating and shorter lived. That all was up to a certain limit though; for him it was disastrous, but in his friend it could be admired, considering he handled anger in a healthy way, when the same could not be said for Bruce.
“A little touchy?” Anthony raised his eyebrow.
“Just nervous.” Bruce said looking a bit guilty.
“Don’t worry about it.” He waived him off as he spread some of his attention back to the screen.
“Really Tony, It’s …” Bruce started, but was cut off before he could find his wording.
“It’s fine. I understand.” He did, of course, but he still sounded a little bothered.
They both knew Anthony was not the only one who had issues when it came to normal levels of contact and human interaction. If they were going to start tiptoeing around each other’s feelings things might get a little too touchy for comfort.
Bruce did not really want him to stop with the random, causal contact. It was spelled out on a big screen that it made him feel better, even in a direct, physical way. It was just a bit awkward at that moment, and it brought to mind so many fears and issue that he did not know what to do with. Now he was worried Anthony might try to stop altogether, or that he had actually hurt his feelings.
“Let’s try increasing the adrenalin levels again, see how much it takes to get us back to our baseline.” He was suddenly all business again.
“Slowly, right?” Bruce asked, mostly wanting to keep up some kind of dialogue.
Anthony smirked suddenly in place of answering. He knew his friend was just jumpy and nervous, which he had expected given the circumstances. He was half tempted to do what he could safely get away with just to make him squirm a little; Not entirely for his own satisfaction, but also to show his friend that his limits were not as delicate as he seemed to think and that he could handle himself better than he gave himself credit for.
Bruce felt the adrenaline again, but it was not as frightening this time, or as uncomfortable. Combined with the oxytocin, he felt more high-strung and nervous, but less agitated or scared.
“Danger signs holding steady at baseline. Life signs in acceptable parameters. How you feeling?” Anthony asked enthusiastically.
“Fine." he answered.
Anthony could hear the change in his voice. It was rougher, and he had gone from saying ‘good’ back to ‘fine‘, which he was guessing either meant he was getting nervous, or that he was trying for modesty, maybe both. He noted the slight rise in certain hormones, especially dopamine. Despite a lack of context, this meant that - chemically at least- it was probably relatively safe for him to be aroused, sexually or otherwise, so long as nothing was inducing too much of a stress response, specifically, even his own misgivings. This also meant -the high levels of dopamine- that he was likely finding something satisfying about the situation he was in, but Anthony tried not to read anything into that. He would still have to see what happened at higher levels. The question was not just about arousal, but also physical strain and the whole issue of the chemical bath that the human brain experiences at orgasm. He was not even sure how far it was exactly appropriate to test, even for purely scientific motivations, or with what his friend would be comfortable.
“Ready to get up and get on the treadmill, again?" he asked his unsuspecting friend.
“What? Um, why don’t we stick with just one test, for now?” Bruce was not sure he wanted to test the limits by adding physical exertion into the mix just yet.
“Whatever you say, big guy. Increasing adrenalin again.”
Bruce laid back and tried to relax in a hurry. He could feel his breathing speeding up, and his heart, but it was not unpleasant, which was part of his discomfort. The table was cold at his back and it was making his nerves crawl a bit. He had expected, in an abstract kind of way, that being dosed with oxytocin would feel good, but he did not think -now- that he had quite been prepared for the implications of it.
Anthony pushed the adrenaline until the danger signs almost crossed the line they had agreed on as a limit, and let it rest there a moment. The amount should have accounted for a decent enough level of excitement and physical exertion, though whether or not it was enough would really depend on the specifics of the situation and how exactly his friend handled and felt about intimacy. It was interesting that, just in response to the few dosages of things he had given him, his body was already turning out a fair amount of the other compounds in question; further evidence of just how much one’s emotional state could directly affect their physiology. Though he tried not to think too hard about the exact implications, it was the point of the test, not human brain chemistry in general, but Bruce’s brain chemistry and emotional tendencies. The way he saw it, the best way to get the results he wanted was to push his limits until the machine, or Bruce, told him to stop.
“Increasing dopamine.” He tried to keep his tone fairly clinical and professional sounding for his friend’s benefit, surprised that it took some effort, but was playing a trick on him, out of curiosity.
Bruce again felt the excited fluttering in his chest. He tried to breathe more deeply, but his breath seemed to want to be shallow and fast. Many of his nerves were now crawling a bit aimlessly, not really being given any stimulation to focus on, but all of the chemical response. He was fighting not to consciously recognize that Anthony was eagerly causing all these pleasant sensations, indirectly or not. This was starting to feel far too much like genuine arousal for him to be comfortable with, though he tried to remind himself that it was the point of this whole test. His friend’s voice was now a taunting stroke against his nerves, promising him pleasure and then delivering it each time. He had thought that being able to measure each factor down to a detail might improve his developing understanding of his own functioning. He had hoped that he would, perhaps, find a way to lead a more normal life written somewhere in the details and the formulas; but this was starting to seem, to feel, as ill conceived as some of his earlier experiments.
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