Circle Of Fear

"They lie about the pain, truth on their empty faces. And they stay awake, for you to be safe. Saints keep breaking, but entirely holding their own. Never giving in. They've hidden on their sins, deep within. Undergone everything, for you to be safe." Bloodpit; For You To Be Safe


“Hank said ya ready to go sleep 'lone.” Remy stepped into her room shortly after Rogue and Jubilee left.

“Did he?” she didn't seem overly enthusiastic about that, for some reason. Remy frowned.

“Thought ya wanted to be 'way from the needles, cherie?”

“I do, but...” she looked down at her toes, painted a rosy pink. “But that means that I'm not going to be able to sleep with you in my room anymore. Doesn't it?”

“Oui,” he leaned against the wall and nodded, his arms crossed over his chest. “But you a grown girl. Don' need Remy to sleep.”

“Yes I do!” she protested. “I do too need you to sleep. Remy, when you're around the voices---.” she stopped short.

“I know, cherie.”

“Can't you come and sleep in my room anyway?”

“Da Professor ain't cool with dat. Remy already asked.” her face lit up for a moment, perhaps at the thought that he was concerned about her enough to try and make arrangements for her. But the happy look quickly left her face.

“But what am I going to do? He's awful mean, to take you away from me like that.” she got off the bed.

“Maybe,” Remy nodded. He let his arms open when she came towards him, barefooted and fragile looking still. He pulled her in tight.

“I know it sounds silly. I know it is silly. It's just that—that I can't think what this place would be without you. How can I even sleep without you?” she wrapped her arms around his neck. Remy stroked that black hair he had come to love already and shook his head.

“Remy think of somethin'. Don't'cha worry, petite. Remy take good care of ya. So you don't worry.”

**

Hank put another bottle of pills into the small suitcase the Professor had found for my use. It wasn't like I had a whole lot of stuff to put in there anyway. Just the precious few items that Scott had been able to get for me by writing to the asylum.

There was one pair of slippers that my mother had bought for me when I went in that I never got to use, a bra that I didn't have a prayer of getting into now, and a t-shirt from Disneyland on that last vacation my parents had ever went on with me. Remnants from a life I had hated and didn't care to remember.

It wasn't like I'd be throwing any of it away, though.

“I have had a wonderful time getting to know you, Collette.” Hank said kindly as he locked my bag. I smiled back and squirmed in the too big, slightly itchy cast off clothes that someone had managed to find for me so I wouldn't be stuck in the hospital gown forever.

“You've been very kind and helpful. Thank you.” it was more an automatic response than anything else.

“C'mon, petite. Time to go to your room.” Remy stepped forward to take my hand. I laced my fingers through his and he took my suitcase.

We walked through what felt like endless halls. I didn't bother looking at the artwork hanging on the walls, or peek into any of the doors to watch what looked like school being in session. Instead, I enjoyed the feeling of my skin against his.

“Ya sleep right next to Jubilee.” Remy murmured as he opened my door. The room was plain, with a desk in one corner, a dresser in another, a closet door, and a twin bed. I sat down on the bed and picked at the plain bedspread.

“I'd rather I slept next to you.”

“I know.” he set my suitcase down on the desk chair and lined up all my bottles. “Keep takin' da medicine like Hank told ya.” he turned around and knelt in front of me.
“Don' be sad.”

“I can't help it. I just f eel like something really precious is being taken away from me. I don't know if I can do this whole sliding back into civil society.” I sighed. “I know. I'm being silly. I wanted someone to come and take me away from the asylum, and someone did. I wanted to go back to being normal, and I am—sort of.”

“But?” he prompted.

“But I can't be happy because now I'm not going to have you right next to me.”

“Gettin' a little possessive, petite. And ya ain't even Remy's woman.” I felt my cheeks go red with blush. “Not like Remy ain't been thinkin' 'bout dat. 'Bout havin' you for a woman.”

“I'm not really a woman, am I?”

“Anyone who walk outta State Asylum in one piece ain't a child no more. Much as I hate dat, too.” he cupped my face in his hands. I reached up to wrap my fingers around her wrists.

“I really wish that we weren't here. Like this. That we had met another way and there wasn't anything stopping us from being together.” Remy just chuckled and stood up, kissing the top of my head.

“Don't worry. Remy t'ink of somethin'.”

***

Jesus, Marie and Joseph! What the hell was he thinking? Remy almost kicked himself as he walked out of her room. He had no right to be talking to her like that. No matter how much she looked like a woman, and no matter what her life experiences were, she was still a child. A mere bebe.

She didn't need corruption. She didn't need sex, and Lord knew Remy liked sex. She needed someone to look after her. But he wasn't the best at that, now was he? No, he had a nasty habit of turning and leaving when things got a bit too rough.

What would that do to her? Was it worth putting her through even more heartache?

But who says it has to end like that, a little voice in his head asked. Who said that he had to leave her? Who said that this wouldn't work out? And didn't he deserve a little fun and happiness in his life? And wouldn't it help her just for a little while?

“Non,” he inhaled deeply through his nose. “Not worth hurtin' de girl.” he slumped towards his bedroom, ready to lay down and have yet another sleepless night.