Adult-FanFiction.org : Marvel 'Verse

A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant	By : TheConstant1944 Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Captain America Views: 2391 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel characters. They are solely owned by Marvel and MCU. No money is made from this story.

Chapter List
- 78
- 79
- 80
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Steve Rogers Meets The Winter Soldier

How do you approach a wounded animal? How do you break past that barrier of distrust? The fear that makes the animal bare its teeth?
You put your hand out and it bites you; you feed it and it eats so fast it makes itself sick.
It's bad enough when it's a wounded animal. How do you do this when the animal is a person? A person whom you love?
Steve thought it was going to be so simple. Bucky had accepted his help so readily last night, had allowed them to work on his wounds and care for him, but this morning? This morning the Winter Soldier is awake and the look in his eyes is not a pretty one.
Bucky awoke not knowing where he was – only that he is in pain. He looks up and sees he is attached to a drip and the first thing he thinks is that he is back at the compound, back where they had him and panic overtook. Steve had been asleep in the chair and woke when he heard a tremendous crash.
“Christ!” His hand is on his chest, his heart pounding from the shock the noise gave his heart. Bucky has fallen and is on the floor scrabbling to get up; the whimpering coming from him is heartbreaking. A mixture of the word no and a keening.
He has pulled the drip out of his arm but has fallen on his hip and is in agony; the stitches have burst where they hit the ground and he is trying desperately to get up, using the bed clothes as leverage, but as he pulls at them they slip and send him to the ground again and again.
Steve rises fast, meaning to take hold of him, to help him back into the bed but Bucky kicks out, shuffles back until he hits the bedside cabinet. His eyes are wild, frantic, looking for a way out and it stops Steve in his tracks. Shit, he thinks.
“Buck? Buck, it's all right. You're safe.” But the wild look in Bucky's eyes doesn't ease; they roam the room, trying to see a way past Steve to get out, to run.
Steve holds his hands out, trying to appear non-threatening. He backs off to give Bucky space, crouches down and he can see blood blossoming on Bucky's left hand side, sees the utter panic and wide eyes.
“Hey come on Buck, you're safe, you know me, I won't hurt you.” And Steve once again shows him his hands are empty, tries to smile.
Bucky's feet are scrabbling for purchase on the carpet and he turns sideways, still watching Steve. He uses the night stand to get himself up. Steve also stands, very slowly, hands still out, but as he does he hears another noise in the other room and Bucky hears it too.
Voices.
Before Steve can think of calling out, Bucky growls and comes at him in an attack. It is all Steve can do to protect his face as the metal arm comes out swinging and catches his left arm which he has brought up to protect his face and then Bucky is running.
He doesn't get far. Natasha Romanoff brings him down with a single hard punch to the face.
“Well I'd say that went well,” she says drily, shaking her fist. Hell that hurt both of us! she thinks.
Ales had been standing behind her and now comes to the front to see to the injured man who is out cold. Sam also peers around Nat, first at Steve, and then down at the floor.
“Well hello to you to, nice to finally meet you,” he smiles at the prone man. He looks back at Steve. “Nice friends you have, Steve. So welcoming!”
Steve ignores him and angrily turns to Nat. “You didn't have to hit him!”
“You're welcome,” she says, stepping over Bucky to crouch down next to the doctor. “Will he be okay?”
Ales is busy checking his patient over and quickly surmises that a few of the stitches will need resewing. He nods “Maybe not hit him so hard next time...you've broken his nose...he's pulled the drip out, but the cannula is still in there. Can you help me get him back on the bed?”
Sam takes Bucky under the arms whilst Steve lifts his legs. “Christ, what is it with you Super Soldiers that has to weigh so damn much?” Sam murmurs and helps put Bucky back on the bed. He looks at Steve and sees the worry in his face. He touches Steve's shoulder. “He'll be okay.”
“You didn't see him. He was like some...wounded animal,” Steve murmurs, not taking his eyes of Bucky's face.
“Steve look at me. C'mon man, look at me.” Finally Steve turns to him. “Take it from a guy who's seen too much PTSD in his life. He is a wounded animal. He will lash out at anything that causes him panic, and you are gonna to have to give him time,” and Steve knows Sam is right, Sam knows what he is talking about.
Steve pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes and rubs them. Then he looks up and sighs. He watches Natasha looking at Bucky. There is a real mix of emotions on her face.
She is remembering. Remembering the times she has faced the Winter Soldier before. When she came into the apartment and walked into the living room the sight that met her for one moment had her startled and then she lashed out as the wounded animal she herself is deep down. It was him. The look in his eyes, the bared teeth. He would have killed them all in a moment. She knows she has to tell Steve. Bucky Barnes isn't just Bucky, he is the Winter Soldier as well and Steve must remember that – they all need to remember that.
Steve hates to do it, but Bucky's right hand is now handcuffed to the bed frame. They have made him as comfortable as they can. His nose is broken, his eyes blackened from the punch, and he will be sore when he wakes. There are new stitches in the wound on his hip.
He and Nat talk quietly in the living room, trying to come up with a plan. Ales hasn't put Bucky back on a drip as now he is conscious Steve should be able to persuade him to eat and drink. He has left a list of foods he thinks will be the best for him to have until he is better. Sam has offered to take the doctor home and to pick up supplies on the way back.
*
Bucky Barnes is awake but silent. He can hear two people talking in the next room. He looks at his right hand and its handcuff chaining him to the bed. Looks around the room. Closes his eyes. He is in Steve's apartment, he is hurt; his face hurts like God knows what. He vaguely remembers panic in his chest when he awoke. He had seen the drip, thought he was back in the medical compound, thought Hydra had him back in their clutches. Looking at the handcuff he knows he had lashed out. Sees an image of a redhead punching him in the face and that is the last he remembers. Now he is staying quiet, listening to the conversation in the other room. It is about him.
“I'm not leaving him chained up for the rest of his life,” Steve says. The reply comes from a woman.
“I'm not saying that, Steve. But you have to know. You have to realise how dangerous he is.” Natasha looks at the floor, trying to reorganise her thoughts.
“I've gone up against a lot of enemies in the past. Some have nearly killed me. But I've never been frightened of them. Three times I've met the Winter Soldier and every time he has terrified me, I mean gut wrenching cold terror, christ I even have nightmares about him. And when I came in here earlier that is who was there in front of me, not Bucky, not your friend...it was him, it was the Soldier and I would have killed him if I had the chance...he...is...dangerous.”
She is only being honest.
“I know that Nat, but this is Bucky. I know he is in there. I got through to him the last time and I can get through to him again.” And the pure agony in Steve's voice makes Bucky's eyes tear up. He was wrong to come here; the woman is right. He is a danger to everyone, he cannot always control the Soldier inside of him, hell, there are times he doesn't even know that the Soldier has woken up. He has black spots. He has spent seventy years killing people. During that time there must have been ways he could have escaped Hydra, there must have been ways he could have stopped himself from taking those lives. But he didn't. And what does that make him? What does that say about Bucky Barnes?
If he stays he won't just be a danger to Steve; he will tarnish him, take away his innocence, and as he thinks that he sees the young Steve Rogers, the one he first met. The innocent. He feels the way he felt then when looking at the kid on the ground with the bloody nose, the warm feeling in the pit of his stomach, the need to want this kid to like him, to want him in his life.
And Bucky feels so tired. He feels so old. The voices now have stopped talking about him, they have dropped to murmurs and the lull of them and the tiredness he feels, makes him sleep.
*
“Wheres my backpack?” Is Bucky's first question.
“Which Bucky am I talking to now?” Steve asks in return. He is stood in the doorway, arms folded, a steel look in his eyes. Don't mess with me.
Bucky is lying on the bed with a pillow under his head, two glorious black eyes courtesy of Natasha, right hand cuffed to the frame still. Steve can feel the heat from his body, see a trickle of sweat run down his throat. It makes Steve swallow and he tries not to let the effect Bucky is having on him show in his face.
Bucky looks at Steve and the saddest smile comes to his face. “Your mother's name is Sarah. You used to fill the inside of your shoes with newspaper. Where's my goddamn backpack?”
And his words make Steve smile and Bucky feels as if he could bask in the glow until the end of all time. He watches as Steve ducks his head in such a familiar way and he knows, just knows Steve will look up at him so shyly.
“It's safe...” and Steve watches as Bucky chews his lip; he can see it worries him not to know where it is but he can see Bucky realises he is not going to tell him where it is because with it he can leave and Steve isn't having that.
“Lunch?” Steve says and Bucky studies him for a moment and then nods.
“I could eat a horse.”
He listens as Steve pads back to the kitchen and hears plates being moved around and his shoulders slump. He has to get Steve to trust him, has to get him to release him. Then he can leave. And he feels a pit open in his stomach because he doesn't want to leave, he wants to stay with Steve, he feels he is home but Hydra will never give him up and when they come for him he doesn't want Steve to be there, doesn't want Steve in that type of danger. The woman was right, goddamn her, he is too much of a problem, too dangerous. What if the Winter Soldier goes after Steve? What if he hurts him? What if he kills him?
Bucky Barnes could never live with that. Easier if he just walks away now. For everyone.
Steve comes in with a tray, soup and bread and Bucky can smell the food and it makes him realise just how hungry he is. Steve puts the tray on the bedside table and Bucky lifts his right hand as much as he can and rattles the handcuffs.
“No chance,” Steve grins.
Bucky frowns. “How am I supposed to eat?” He watches as Steve picks up the bowl and spoon in alarm. “No way, no way are you feeding me!”
“Why not? You fed me enough times.”
“That was different.”
“How?”
“You were sick.”
“And you're wounded...” Steve smiles at him with such a wicked look in his eyes. “Besides which I'm going to enjoy this.” And Bucky actually feels his cheeks flush.
Steve scoops some soup onto the spoon and holds it in front of Bucky. For a second he doesn't think his friend is going to respond but then he sees resignation in his eyes and he opens his mouth and Steve feeds him the soup. He sits on the edge of the bed, tearing chunks out of the bread and soon he can see Bucky is full. He persuades him to drink some water and gives him pain killers. Ales had come by earlier to check on the stitches but Bucky is repairing well.
The toilet breaks are more difficult. He has to un-cuff Bucky, walk him to the bathroom and re-cuff him on the metal pipes of the cistern. Bucky is only wearing boxers. With one cuffed hand it can make things difficult and Bucky grumbles each time. Steve turns his back but won't leave the bathroom itself; he just doesn't trust him. Both of them are well aware of the fact that Bucky could actually break the handcuffs just by reaching across and pulling with his metal hand but somehow Steve knows he will not do that; it is almost as if Bucky is using the handcuffing as an excuse for remaining where he is. But he also knows that one day Bucky will try and leave and that is what he is watching for.
He realises that Bucky has said something to him and without thinking turns around to be confronted with a smirk.
“Huh?”
“I said you wanna help me here?” Bucky looks down and Steve's eyes follow. What he sees makes him blush and Bucky laughs knowing full well it would be Steve's response. He colours up, and turns back around hastily.
“I'll take that as a no then,” and Steve listens as he uses the facilities. But part of him smiles to himself; that is the old Bucky's sense of humour coming into play. Part of him can't help but wish he had stepped forward to help and he remonstrates with himself. He can feel the old tug of wanting Bucky Barnes and it makes his heart beat faster and he feels a stirring within himself.
*
That night is a bad one.
Sam has gotten hold of a camp bed for Steve to use so he can sleep in the same room as Bucky whilst being more comfortable than in the chair. Bucky has slept a large part of the day, but had grown more fractious as the day wore on, complaining about the handcuff hurting, refusing to eat anything Steve offered him for dinner. Would not even take the pain killers although he agreed to take the antibiotics. He had sneered at Steve as he took them.
“Sooner I'm better, the sooner I'm out of here...after all, there's nothing to wait around here for is there.” He had said it all deliberately, trying to hurt Steve, trying to get a rise out of him. But why? Even the Winter Soldier cannot answer that one. Bucky's subconscious is thinking if he can get Steve to hate him it will be easier to leave.
Steve is lying in the dark listening to Bucky's breathing and that is when he notices the murmuring. He can hear Bucky shift around in bed. He puts the lamp on and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. Bucky is streaming with sweat, his face is a grimace and he is talking, begging them not to do something to him. His words are desperate. Steve's heart goes out to him. Every so often his body will jump and Steve can see the handcuff is impeding Bucky and so he releases him, lays his hand on the bed.
“No don't,” Bucky murmurs and Steve strokes his hair.
“It's okay Buck, you're safe, its okay.” But whatever nightmare Hydra is holding him is a serious one. He is on his back now, his hand clenched, one hand comes up as if scrabbling to get away from something and the mewling coming from him is beyond awful. He tosses and turns and Steve needs to help him, take him out of what ever he is trapped in.
“Hey, Buck, it's okay.” Steve places his hand on his shoulder and shakes him. Bucky's eyes open and there is such a terrified look in them that Steve gasps. He struggles to sit up and then he sees Steve and Steve sees the change in his eyes, sees Bucky's need for him, for his touch.
“Steve?” his voice is so quiet, so desperate.
Without thinking Steve takes him in his arms, holds him close. He can feel the thud of Bucky's heart and then Bucky is sobbing, loud, uncoordinated sobs. He rocks him slowly, strokes his hair, talks to him until he can feel a calmness come over his friend.
Bucky pulls away but Steve remains where he is. Bucky wipes his nose with his hand as a child would, wipes his brow with his arm. To give him time to compose himself Steve gets up, goes to the window and opens it further to let more of a breeze into the room. Grabs a tissue, gives it to Bucky, and then sits back down.
They are both quiet for a moment.
“Bad one?” Steve says. Bucky is quiet for a moment and then nods.
“They cut off my arm. I lost half of it when I fell, but they cut the rest off...gave me a drug so I couldn't move but I was awake, I could feel, they skinned it, just like an animal, then they began cutting and even now I can still feel the blade cutting in...” and Bucky's eyes are drawn back into the memory, wincing, shuddering. He jumps as the unwanted bone is snapped off and he goes to call out a name, only it is not Steve's, but he can't say that name, daren't say that name and instead he weeps again whilst Steve reaches out to hold him.
By the end of the memory Bucky is almost asleep and Steve settles him down but he won't let go of Steve's hand. He looks up at him, a look of utter helplessness in those beautiful eyes.
“Hold me...” his voice is soft. Steve hesitates. “Please Steve...I...I need you,” and with that Steve cannot refuse him. He moves onto the bed and pulls him into an embrace and tells him to sleep.
As Bucky falls asleep a voice speaks to him, hushed, “I'll let you keep him for now, we need him...but when we don't...” and Bucky's heart lurches as he hears the threat in the Winter Soldier's voice. Steve feels him jump slightly and kisses his forehead. “Go to sleep, you're safe.”
He does not understand Bucky's sleepy response: “But you're not.”
*
Steve watches as Bucky prowls around the apartment. It is his first day up and out of bed and he is wearing a set of Steve's clothes. Steve will still not tell him where he has stashed his backpack. When he had seen it down by the bed he had unzipped and looked into it but that is as far as he went, what was in there was personal. He had stowed it safely in his wardrobe but when Bucky started asking for it Steve could hear in Bucky's voice how important it is to him and realised he wouldn't leave whilst Steve had it. So he hid it.
Living with Bucky is like being on a seesaw. One moment he is sure the old Bucky is there, but then the next minute the new Bucky comes into play and it will take a while to work him out. He has only seen the Winter Soldier once to his knowledge but sometimes he is sure Bucky is looking at him as a cat would look at a mouse before it pounces. At those times he thinks he knows what the Winter Soldier must look like to his targets. Cold, unforgiving, and without mercy.
When Steve had woken the next morning it was to find Bucky curled up into him. He could feel the warmth of him, smell him and if he closed his eyes he could almost believe they were back in 1941, just the two of them before all of this had happened. Before they knew what the world really held for them. He has to admit, looking down at the sleeping face, that he wants to kiss Bucky awake, wants to run his hands over his body, learn about the new scarring so that when he touches it is not such a shock to him.
Jesus Rogers. He is supposed to be looking after this fragmented, vulnerable person and all he can think of is shagging him. He's like a lovestruck teenager all over again.
He must have moved because Bucky stirs and Steve holds his breath until he feels Bucky settles back. He decides ten more minutes in bed won't harm and he closes his eyes. But Bucky isn't the only one remembering and Steve cannot help the way his thoughts meander and end up back at Bucky. They spent so much time together; their lives were so intermingled.
He remembers the time he had loved Bucky but had not been brave enough to tell him, to confront him.
When Bucky stayed over, they would both sleep in the double bed, Steve on the right, Bucky on the left.
One night Steve had been on the cusp of sleeping when he heard Bucky say his name.
“Stevie? You asleep?” He felt the mattress dip as Bucky moved to see if Steve was truly asleep. He didn't utter a word, pretended that he was.
Bucky had laid back down and after a few minutes he had then felt Bucky move. It took a few seconds to realise what he was doing and when Steve realised he could feel the burn in his cheeks. Bucky was masturbating.
He could hear his breathing, how it was getting faster, deeper, feel the small movements because he knew Bucky didn't want to wake him. His own body though was responding and he felt his cock harden as he listened to the muffled groans that every so often slipped from Bucky's mouth. He began to think of the feel of Bucky's strong hand, the sweat he knew would be on his forehead, on his top lip, the hardness of Bucky's solid cock as he worked on it and then the long drawn out groan as Bucky came but tried to keep silent, tried not to move. But Steve had heard the one thing he wanted to: his name on Bucky's lips as he came.
The next day was the day he chose to confront Bucky with his true feelings. Bucky had stood up to leave and Steve had been so frightened he had lost him.
Even now so many years later he can remember the sick feeling he had when he thought he had got it so wrong.
“Buck?” Steve sat up.
“I...I've gotta be getting home...promised my old man I would help him with something,” and Bucky had moved to the door to leave, had refused to look at Steve.
“Buck?” Steve could see that Bucky meant to leave, but he can't let him, can't let the conversation end like this, can't lose him.
He had scrambled off the bed and to the door, pushing it shut and standing in front of it. Bucky stopped in front of him.
“Aww, come on,” Bucky had said quietly, had finally looked at Steve and Steve could see Bucky wanted to reach out and touch him. He had instead closed his eyes, shaking his head in that way that he does.
“We can't,” he had said so quietly and it was Steve who had to take charge, Steve who had to tell him they could.
It was Steve that set Bucky free.
“We shouldn't,” Bucky had whispered as he had leant forward and kissed Steve for the first time.
And now, seventy years later, Steve looks down at the sleeping Bucky and his whole body aches for the need of him. He closes his eyes. He wants to make love to him, to taste him just as he had once upon a time so long ago. He wants to heal him, wants to never let him go.
He opens his eyes, looks at the ceiling and his hand wants to touch himself, wants to pretend...
He feels Bucky stir, feels him come awake, feels him move away. He turns his head to look at him and starts to move away himself but then realises he needs to stay covered just for a moment so that Bucky cannot see the affect he has had on his sleeping partner.
“You took off the cuffs?” Bucky says turning to look at Steve. Curious to wonder why Steve is red-faced and his eyes cannot stay on Bucky's own.
Steve clears his throat but his voice still sounds weak to him. “You were having a nightmare, I didn't want you to hurt yourself,” and Steve watches as Bucky's left hand takes his right one and gently runs around the wrist where it is sore. Bucky sees him looking, hesitates for a second and then holds his left hand out.
Steve without saying anything takes it in his hands, turns it over and runs his fingers along the back of of the metal, then turns it back over and does the same on the metal palm. Bucky moves slightly and Steve looks at him.
“That tickles,” Bucky smiles.
“You can feel with it?” Steve asks able to move freely now his attention has been diverted and is no longer on other parts of Bucky's anatomy.
Bucky nods and Steve runs the fingers over the palm again and Bucky laughs “Get off.” He takes his hand back and uses his right hand to run his own fingers over the palm.
“I feel everything,” he says softly, and then looks at Steve and smiles again. The smile is a sad one and Steve knows he is not just talking about his hand.
“Do I need to cuff you again?” Steve asks, serious again.
Bucky looks at him, studies his face, he runs his hand through his hair and makes a face. “Not for now, especially as I think I need a shower.”
Steve sits for a moment. He wants to tell Bucky how he feels, tell him that he will always protect him that he is no longer alone but he can't. Now is not the right time.
“Well, you know where the bathroom is. I'll put some breakfast on,” Steve says, standing up. Bucky nods trying not to show his disappointment that Steve did not offer to help.
What did he expect? Roses?
There is one more thing though he needs to ask Steve, but he doesn't want to beg.
“My backpack Steve...I...I need it,” he says and Steve can see in his eyes that there is something else at play.
“If I give it to you, you have to promise you won't leave,” he says.
Bucky looks at the floor, bites his lip in that oh-so-familiar way. He looks back at Steve and nods and then he breaks Steve's heart: “It belongs to me. It's the only thing I have.”
“Oh Buck,” Steve comes forward and puts his hand on Bucky's shoulder. He crouches down. “Is that what you think? It's not the only thing Buck...you have me,” he says and leans forward and kisses his forehead.
Bucky looks at Steve, looks into his eyes. He so wants to believe Steve, wants Steve to take him in his arms again and show him but then the voice interrupts, reminding him of who he is.
No one is that good, no one is that innocent. He wants you because you are an asset, that is all you are to people, and don't forget it!
“No, you're wrong,” Bucky murmurs looking away and Steve thinks he is talking to him.
Steve reaches out and touches Bucky's face and Bucky looks back at him. He doesn't know how to convince this poor creature that he is loved.
“You will always have me,” he says and the look in his eyes makes the Winter Soldier feel sick inside. No it isn't possible, no one could love a monster, no one except...and a flash of someone else's face comes to mind and he feels such an empty space in him but he also feels anger. How dare this man make him feel this way? How dare he make him feel weak?
Steve sees the flash of temper, a flash of the Winter Soldier. He knows the Soldier is there inside Bucky, he knows sometimes that the Soldier is mocking him as if he is telling Steve that Bucky belongs to him and not Steve. He shows himself through Bucky – hiding his true face but letting his eyes show. Steve feels something harden inside him, there is a flash of his own temper. He wants to tell the Soldier that if it is a fight he wants then he will get one. Steve Rogers does have a dark side - it is his need and love for Bucky Barnes, he will not lose him again, ever.
Steve leans forward into Bucky's space.
“You belong to me...” He sees Bucky's eyes widen. “You are mine and if I have to prove that to you I will, make no mistake. I'm not the weakling you think I am, I will fight for you no matter what.”
They stay still looking at each other for what seems like forever and then Steve stands.
“I'll get your backpack,” he says, turns and leaves the room leaving Bucky sat biting his lip.
“I'm not alone,” he says quietly, but the voice hasn't quite finished with him yet. “My dear Bucky, you were never alone, you always had me,” and the Winter Soldier's fist tightens until he can hear the metal groan. "You will always have me."
- 78
- 79
- 80
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant