Circle Of Fear

"I'm giving up the ghost of love and her shadow is cast on devotion. She's the one that I adore, queen of my silent suffocation. Break this bittersweet spell on me, lost in the arms of destiny. Bittersweet, I won't give up, I'm possessed by her. I'm bearing her cross, she's turned into my curse."-Bittersweet;Apocalyptica



“Collete? Are ya up?” Remy was knocking on the door. I frowned. That was unusual for him. He usually just barged in. And all day today he'd been away from me anyway. After I'd woken up with my head in his lap and remembered my dream, I couldn't get him out of my room fast enough.



But once he was gone, I was angry that he'd left. The poor man couldn't do anything right, and I don't even think he had any inkling that I was feeling that way. I perked up though and decided there was no point in being angry.



“As up as Hank lets me be.” I called. He opened the door with another mischievous look on his face.

“What are you up to, Remy?”



“I got someone for ya to meet.” he stepped away from the door and revealed two young women. One was tall and thin with dark hair and a white streak in it. She smiled kindly at me and stepped inside. The other was shorter and Asian. They were both wearing trendy clothes, and I felt instantly dowdy in my hospital garb.



“Dis here is Rogue and Jubilee.” the girls smiled and waved at me. I wiggled my fingers in return. “Dey heard ya wanted your nails painted.”



“Yup!” the one with the streak said. I think it was Rogue. “I brought all my manicure supplies.” she brandished a cosmetics box. I scooted up on my bed and gestured that the girls should sit down on the bed with me.



“Thank you,” I said softly. Remy just smiled and inclined his head slightly.



**



Remy watched her, stealthily peeking through the window at them. They, all three girls, were sitting on Collette's bed, painting one another's nails. Collete was smiling and giggling. She looked so much different now than she did just a few moments ago.



It was strange, he thought, to see her go from child to tortured soul. He was reminded that she wasn't a grown woman at all, but a simple child. Even though he wanted her, needed her to be a woman, she just wasn't yet.



And maybe she wouldn't be worth waiting for.



It was a risk he wasn't sure he was willing to take. Collette was laughing at something, but when she lifted her head, her eyes seemed to be searching for him. Remy hadn't been trained as a thief for nothing. He sank easily back into the shadows.



A frown fell on her lips when she didn't see him. She turned back to the girls. Jubilee was arguing with Rogue about what would be the best for her toenails. Apparently it was a toss up between blush and rose. Even though the shade difference was minuscule, Remy would have gone with the rose.



He slipped away from them, an abrupt roar of laughter making him smile. This was the type of setting she belonged in. Sitting, chatting with girls her own age about things none of them would find important in two years, two months, two weeks, or possibly even in two hours.



Had he ever been so carefree? Had he ever been so able to forget the rest of the world and focus so intently on things that were so trivial? Remy mused to himself while he wandered the halls. It was a bad habit of his, wandering when he was restless.



Jean-Luc had taught him the value of stillness. Jean-Luc had taught him what it meant to slide into silence and find some sort of peace. Nothing can be solved, he had told his son, until you learn to be quiet.



Remy was still working on the whole being quiet thing. He had a long way to go, but he was working on it.



Collette threw her head back to laugh at something that Rogue had said. Her cheeks were a healthy shade of pink, and the way her eyes were glowing could have melted his heart. He had no right to feel this way about her. He had no right to feel this pull towards her. The wholeness he felt around her, the serenity, was nothing but a sin, a crime.



She was a child, though she had been through Hell and back. He should leave her alone to be a child. Remy sighed and tugged on his hair.



***



“Collette? Collette, are you listening to me?” Jubilee's voice rocked me out of me thought. I jumped, almost spilling the bottles of polish open and surrounding us on the bed, a rainbow of chemical scents and overly processed colors.



“Yes! What? I'm sorry.” I was ashamed of myself. Here these girls were taking time out their day to come and sit with me, and I was ignoring them for my own thoughts.



It was because I couldn't see Remy. I couldn't find him, even though I had searched through the shadows outside my door. I had been positive I hadn't heard him walking away or anything, but I couldn't see him either. I could not think for the life of me where he might have gone.



“I asked you how far you had gotten in school.” Jubilee repeated kindly.



“Tenth grade. Just finished tenth grade.”



“So you'll sit next to me.” the Asian girl said with a nod of her head. I smiled faintly. School. I hadn't thought about school. Hadn't thought much about having to meet many other children than the one's sitting right in front of me.



But of course, the place was a school. I was ultimately brought here to learn, to be educated. It had slipped my mind. The only thing I had much been able to think about lately was Remy. It was silly, and I knew it. There was no way he could be interested in me, no way he could even think too deeply about me.



I was just a child to him. A child to be pitied and coddled. I swallowed and turned back to the conversation with the girls. I might as well try to do what was expected of me and have a good time while doing it.



I dipped my brush into the bottle of color and continued work on my toes.