Eye of the Beholder

Author’s Notes: I’m afraid I’ve spoiled the lot of you horribly with my usually quick updates. The fans to my Hellboy story had to wait 4 ½ months for their last update, so no complaining about how long this one took. Thank you moon_muse, Capt_Davy_Jones_Lover, blue_lioness, amh, WeepingAngelOfDeath, Michael, Cougar, Sunny, onewing and brier for your reviews.

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“Please, I’m begging you.”

“No.”

“Pretty please with sugar substitute on top?”

“Annie, you are the only person in the world who would put sugar substitute on top of your pretty pleases,” Amanda laughs as she scrapes the leftover mashed potatoes into a storage container. “I know diabetics who still put sugar on their pretty pleases.”

“Well, just because you think sugar is one of the basic food groups doesn’t mean the rest of us do,” Annie snaps impatiently while she loads the dishwasher.

“Reading ‘How to make Friends and Influence People’ again, I see,” Amanda snickers as she puts on the lid to the potatoes.

“Come on, Amy, please,” Annie begs. “It’s just for the weekend.”

“Like I have nothing better to do with my weekends now?” Amanda shoots back as the kids return from the dinning room with more food. “Where the heck are we supposed to store all of this food?”

“Mom plugged the old fridge in the garage back in,” Annie answers as she makes more room on the counters for the bowls and platter that were brought back.

“I brought one man with me, not a hoard of hungry teenage boys,” Amanda states in exasperation while she pulls out more storage containers.

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate,” Annie states, picking up the conversation again after the kids leave for another food run.

“What about Mom and Dad?” Amanda asks as she starts to transfer more food.

“I always ask Mom and Dad,” Annie answers quietly, fearing the kids might overhear. “I think they’re sick of watching the kids. Amy, I’m serious, please just watch the kids for one weekend.”

“What about Mike’s mom or brothers and sister?” Amanda questions while trying to judge how big of a container she needs for the nearly untouched green bean casserole.

“Claire isn’t willing to take them all at once and his brothers and sister all have families of their own, I can’t ask them to take on more kids,” Annie tells her while she tries to figure out how to make all of the serving bowls fit in the dishwasher.

“Have you asked them?” Amanda inquires while she stacks the stored food on the counter to later transfer into the fridge.

“Well, no…,” Annie hesitantly admits.

“Then ask them, not me,” Amanda tells her irritably while she fills yet another container with food.

“But they’re so busy…,” Annie starts.

“Do you know what will happen if I watch your kids?” Amanda demands.

“I will get to finally take a break,” Annie replies as she leans against the counter as if exhausted. “I’ll be able to have a conversation with my husband without being interrupted by a child who wants to show me something or tell me something that can’t possibly wait another two minutes or having to go break up yet another fight. I’ll be able to sleep through the night without a kid waking me up because she had another nightmare or because someone is throwing up. I’ll be able to eat my dinner while it’s still hot.”

“You do realize that if I watch your children I will go to great lengths to make them even harder to handle, don’t you?” Amanda warns. “Breakfast will be donuts, lunch will be burgers and fries and dinner will be pizza or whatever takeout food we’re in the mood for. I won’t serve them anything that remotely looks healthy. I’ll let the kids watch whatever they want and stay up as late as they want. Homework and chores will not be done and don’t be surprised to see the house looking like a disaster area.”

“You’re evil, you know that?” Annie growls, scowling at her twin.

“Everyone needs a hobby,” Amanda smirks as the kids return with more food. “How’s Hank doing in there?”

“He’s telling them some story about some guy he knows,” Paul answers with a shrug while handing his aunt the platter with the remains of the roast chicken. “Sounded pretty boring to me and Grandpa had this funny look on his face like he wanted to say something but Grandma kept giving him dirty looks like he’ll be in trouble if he did say something.”

“He has a nice voice,” Bethany says as she puts a bowl of rice pilaf on the counter.

“Do you think he’d let me pet him?” Beverly asks while she puts a basket of rolls on the stove since there’s no other place to put it. “He looks so soft.”

“He’s a man, Bev, not an animal,” Amanda sternly tells her niece. “You can ask to touch him, but do not treat him like a pet.”

“You’re aunt is right,” Annie tells the girl before turning her attention to the other two. “I want all of you to treat Ambassador McCoy with the same respect you would show any adult. Is that understood?”

“Yes,” the three kids grumble more or less in unison.

“Good, now please go finish clearing the table,” Annie instructs and watches them go with a sigh. “Please, Amy, you have no idea what it’s like having to take care of kids day in and day out. It’s exhausting.”

“What makes you think I want first hand experience?” Amanda retorts.

“What don’t you want first hand experience with?” Cathy asks as she walks into the kitchen with the lasagna pan in her hands.

“Being a parent,” Amanda replies as she seals yet another storage container of leftovers. “You know, George Carlin had a routine about leftovers. He said that leftovers give us two good feelings. The first is when you’re putting the food away, you think, ‘I’m saving food’. Yet, weeks later, when the food has become a new life form and you’re throwing it away, you think, ‘I’m saving my life’.”

“Ok, maybe I did get a little carried away with the cooking,” Cathy admits.

“A little?” Amanda snorts.

“Amy, would you mind making the coffee?” Cathy asks, effectively changing the subject.

“Leaded or unleaded?” Amanda inquires as she puts the filled container with the others.

“Unleaded,” Cathy answers while she takes a few of the stored leftovers and heads for the garage.

“You know, I could always tell Mom why the tree branch under your bedroom window really broke,” Annie quietly threatens the instant the door to the garage closes.

“And I could let Mom know that you knew about me dating Hank and didn’t tell her,” Amanda shoots back as she pulls the coffee maker out from behind the stacked up food. “The broken branch happened over twelve years ago. My dating Hank is a bit more recent and a bit more important to her life at the moment. Which news do you think she’s going to be more upset about?”

“I’m not above begging at this point,” Annie warns as she starts the dishwasher.

“The answer is still no,” Amanda states while pulling out the coffee beans.

“PLEEEEAAAAASSSEEE!!!” Annie begs, dropping to her knees with her hands clasped at Amanda’s feet.

“Now that is just pathetic,” Amanda states, taking a step away.

“Mom, why are you on the floor?” Paul asks from the doorway, his sisters behind him as they stare at their mother.

“Annie, what are you doing down there?” Cathy questions as she steps in from the garage.

“Honey, why are you on your knees?” Mike inquires while he steps up behind the kids.

Annie looks around in horror, the color draining from her face as Hank and Stuart stick their heads around the corner to see why there’s a traffic jam in the doorway and Amanda’s desperately trying not to fall down laughing. Mike quietly chuckles as he shakes his head and then pushes his way past the kids to help his wife to her feet. He carefully pulls his shell shocked wife to her feet and then gently leads her out of the kitchen. Everyone remaining turns their attention to Amanda who is laughing so hard she has to hold onto the counter to stay upright.

“Oh God, of all times not to have a camera on me,” she gasps when she’s finally able to get control of herself again.

“Care to explain what that was all about?” Cathy demands, her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed over her chest.

“Not without my lawyer present,” Amanda snickers.

“You are a lawyer,” Paul points out, trying not to laugh along with his aunt.

“Oh, right,” Amanda giggles. “In that case, I take the Fifth.”

“What’s the Fifth?” Beverly asks.

“It’s the right for a witness not to give testimony because to answer the question would be incriminating,” Amanda answers.

“Huh?” all three kids respond, a look of confusion on all of their faces.

“It simply means that you have the right not to answer a question if the answer would get you into trouble as well,” Amanda tells him. “However, this is if you’re in court, not when your mother is trying to find out who busted her favorite lamp.”

“I didn’t do it,” Paul immediately says.

“Yeah, right,” Bethany scoffs. “That ball just magically flew out of your hand across the room.”

“All right you three, that’s enough,” Cathy sternly tells the kids before Paul can respond. “Go finish clearing the table or there will be no dessert.”

The kids immediately deposit the dishes they’re carrying onto any available surface and the dash out of the kitchen without another word. As soon as they’re out of the room, Cathy turns her green eyed glare on her daughter.

“Why was Annie on her knees?” Cathy demands.

“She was begging me to watch the kids for a weekend,” Amanda replies as she measures out the coffee beans into the grinder.

“Why in the world would she ask you to do that?” Cathy asks in surprise.

“I don’t know,” Amanda answers with a shrug while she puts the lid on the small device. “I think parenthood has short circuited her brain.”

“I’ll go have a talk with her and see what’s going on,” Cathy says as she heads towards the door, squeezing past Stuart and Hank.

“So, this is the kitchen,” Stuart states with a wave of his hand.

“Getting the tour now I see,” Amanda says with a smile for Hank.

“Yes,” Hank replies, his heart warming at the sight of that smile. “Your parent’s have a lovely home.”

“Yeah, but if Dad challenges you to a wood splitting contest, go easy on him,” she says as her smile stretches into a grin.

“As you wish,” Hank chuckles before turning back to his host. “Shall we continue?”

“Yeah, let me show you the den,” Stuart says after casting a warning glance as his daughter.

As soon as they’re gone she just sighs and silently wonders how she’s going to get through this vacation without being able to touch Hank, much less kiss or hug him. Thinking of anything beyond that is sheer insanity and she immediately turns her attention back to the coffee beans she’s supposed to be grinding. However, no matter how hard she tries to concentrate on what she’s doing, the memories of that morning and how he touched her makes her body ache for him and she bites her bottom lip as she barely manages to keep a moan from escaping her throat.

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“Aunt Amy, what did your dress look like?” Bethany asks suddenly as the girl finishes her dessert.

“What dress?” Amanda questions after swallowing the piece of chocolate cake that’s nearly as good as an orgasm.

“The one you wore to the masquerade ball when you met Hank,” Bethany clarifies.

“You said there are pictures,” Beverly adds hopefully.

“I don’t have any with me,” Amanda says, horrified with the idea of having to ever see that dress again.

“I bet there are pictures on line,” Paul puts in. “There has to be. A big thing like that with a bunch of famous people is going to attract the paparazzi like bees to honey.”

“Perhaps this should wait for another time,” Hank puts in, immediately picking up on Amanda’s uneasiness. “It’s been a long day.”

“It won’t take that long,” Paul insists. “Grandma, can I use your computer please?”

“Yes, of course, dear,” Cathy replies and the boy shoots out of his seat and heads down the hall.

The girls are quick to follow him and with several sighs and some rolled eyes, the adults get up out of their seats at a more sedate pace. Hank sees Amanda’s face is the cold, hard mask that she uses when she’s truly upset and he tries to move closer to her only to find himself blocked by the others as they move through the door and a hallway that wasn’t really meant for that many people to be moving through it at once, especially when one of them is rather broad shouldered.

A short time later, they’re filing into the den and filling up the room so that everyone except Paul has to stand. The boy is happily typing and clicking away on the computer in search for the pictures of his aunt. The girls stand on either side of their brother to get a good look and are all but jumping up and down with excitement.

“Here we go,” Paul announces as he clicks on a link and a moment later a website pops up.

They read the title of the site and Amanda feels like she’s going to lose her dinner and it takes a great deal of self control for Hank not to snarl at the machine. The other adults look at the two of them and no questions need to be asked, just by the looks on the couple’s faces they know that Hank and Amanda had no idea that the site actually existed. Their stomachs all tied in knots, they turn back to the computer and look over the website.

WHERE ARE HANK AND AMANDA NOW?

Have you seen Ambassador Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy and his girlfriend Amanda Simon? If you have, let us know and we’ll let the world know! Send us your pictures and we’ll post them here too!

Underneath these words are a series of thumbnail photographs with the day and place listed above them. In the case of the first set, the title of the event that they’re at is also listed. Paul clicks on the first picture and a few seconds later a picture of Amanda in that God awful dress being carried by Hank fills the screen.

“You have a rather self satisfied look on your face there, Hank,” Stuart states, trying not to sound upset and only partially succeeding.

“I was,” Hank happily replies. “I was finally going to get an answer to a question that had been bothering me for a few weeks.”

“Which was?” Stuart prompts.

“Who’s Brian?” Hank says as he fights the grin trying to get out and everyone turns towards Amanda who suddenly has an interest in her nails.

“Amy, didn’t you tell me that Brian had been calling you and pretending to be Hank?” Cathy asks.

“Yup,” Amanda answers, still studying her nails and turning a brilliant shade of red.

“Were any of those phone calls from Brian?” Cathy questions.

“Nope,” Amanda replies as her blush travels down her neck and past the collar of her sweater.

“Wait a minute, what’s this about Brian and phone calls and pretending to be Hank?” Mike inquires, completely confused.

“The day after I won Serena’s case, I got a call from someone claiming to be Hank,” Amanda explains, her nails still the most fascinating things in the world. “I thought it was Brian playing another one of his practical jokes. In fact, he called several times and I hung up on him each and every time.”

“So, who was it really that was making these calls?” Mike asks, a smile creeping across his face since he’s fairly sure he knows the answer.

“That would have been me,” Hank chimes in, a grin firmly planted on his face.

“You hung up on the US Ambassador to the United Nations?” Mike laughs as the others try to hide their snickers.

“Six times to be exact,” Amanda adds and as soon as the others digest this news, the laughter starts in earnest.

“Oh, how I wish I could have been there when you found out who you really had been hanging up on,” Annie gasps when she finally regains control of herself and Amanda just glares at her twin.

“Like you’d be able to do anything but stand there like a deer caught in the headlights,” Amanda shoots back.

“All right you two, that’s enough,” Cathy interrupts before any verbal sparring can really get going.

“Another great story to tell your kids someday,” Mike snickers and all of the blood drains out of Amanda’s face as she lets out a strangled squeak.

“I don’t think we’re quite at that stage of our relationship to be having that conversation,” Hank puts in as he reaches behind Stuart to put a steadying hand under Amanda’s elbow when she starts to wobble. “Maybe someday we will, but not now.”

Stuart is completely aware of where Hank’s hand is and gives his daughter a warning look as she reaches over to grasp Hank’s forearm with the hand of the supported arm. Stuart opens his mouth, but stops before so much as a sound can come out by an elbow being jabbed into his ribs. He turns and sees Cathy glaring at him and giving him a small shake of her head. He wants to protest, but by the narrowing of her eyes he knows he’ll be in a world of trouble if he does, so with a snort of disgust, he turns his attention back to the computer.

“Ok, we’ve seen the dress; can we go back and finish dessert now?” Stuart grumbles.

“But there are other pictures,” Bethany protests as Paul goes back to the main page.

“Yeah, these were taken a week after the first ones,” Paul says as he clicks on one of the thumbnails and a picture of Amanda and Hank dancing on their first date fills the screen a moment later.

“Nice dress, Amy,” Mike says as everyone gets an eye full of Amanda’s long legs.

“Thanks,” Amanda replies as Mike turns to look at his wife.

“Why don’t you wear a dress like that?” Mike asks.

“Why don’t you take me out to dinner and dancing?” Annie shoots back.

“Score one for Mom,” Paul mutters under his breath.

“I think we’ve seen enough pictures for tonight,” Annie states. “It’s time for you three to get ready for bed.”

“Aw, but Mom, there are more pictures to see,” Beverly whines.

“Which you can see tomorrow,” Annie counters as Paul brings up yet another picture.

“What happened to your face, Aunt Amy?” the boy asks as he stares at the slightly blurry picture of Hank and Amy on their second date, drawing everyone’s attention back to the computer monitor.

“Johnny Storm is a dead man,” Amanda growls, her eyes narrowed as Hank’s hand slips down her arm to her hand and she gladly laces her fingers through his.

“I am definitely going to need to pay a visit to the Baxter building when we get back to New York and have a serious talk with that young man,” Hank agrees, not sounding very happy.

“Are you talking about the Human Torch?” Paul asks, his eyes wide with wonder.

“The one and the same,” Hank confirms, gazing down at the boy with an amused look.

“You guys had dinner with the Human Torch?” Paul inquires, completely in awe.

“No, he was simply eating at the same restaurant that we were,” Amanda replies, sounding very displeased. “I want to find the person who thought putting cameras into phones was a good idea and sue him or her.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if he hadn’t gotten the side of your face that got hit with the Frisbee,” Hank tells her as he gently squeezes her fingers.

“Even if he had gotten the other side of my face, I still looked a mess that night,” she grumbles, still scowling at the screen.

“Not to me you didn’t,” he quietly assures her and she turns her disbelieving gaze towards him only to be caught by the warmth in his eyes as he returns her gaze.

“Ok, now this is just getting gross,” Paul says in disgust as he turns back towards the computer and goes back to the main page, scrolling down to see more thumbnails while Amanda and Hank smile at the back of the boy’s head.

“Hey, Mom,” Beverly says while staring intently at the monitor.

“Yes, dear,” Annie responds.

“What does FOH mean?” the girl asks.

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The George Carlin routine is called Icebox Man and is very funny.