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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant	By : TheConstant1944 Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Captain America Views: 2391 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
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- 51
Chapter Fifty
Winter Soldier & The Constant: Still Vulnerable - Still Steve's

You are used to seeing coldness and contempt for you when he comes back from programming, but it can still hurt even after all this time. After the programming he never seems to know the real you. That comes when he begins to remember, and that hasn't started yet.
But today he is different.
You were in the corridor when he was brought back and you saw him lurch against the walls, the guards standing by giving him time, blood dribbling from his nose, more disorientated than he has been for a long time. You told the girl delivering your evening meal to put the soup and bread on the table whilst you went and helped him stand properly – something he would not normally allow you to do.
You nod to the guards and they know they can leave you to deal with him. They will remain in the vicinity for six hours to make sure his programming has taken effect.
You take him over to sit at the table and then fetch a cloth to wipe his face. His eyes are clouded, his thoughts turned inward. You wonder if for some reason there has been a problem they don't know about with the programming.
“Are you okay?” you ask softly, expecting him to sneer at you or ignore you completely - but instead he looks at you, his eyes full of mental anguish and he shakes his head but you know he is lying. He is not all right at all.
You know he will have a bad head courtesy of both cryo and programming so you give him pain killers and some water to take them with. You have just taken some yourself as you are not fully over cryo yet, your head aches and your muscles feel stiff.
You intend to get him to eat some soup and bread and then he will fall into bed and sleep for hours but as you go to sit down yourself he grabs your wrist and pulls you forward, bending your wrist so you are forced to kneel in front of him. There is no hatred in his eyes just need. He is sitting to the side and he pushes the table back a bit, soup spilling on the table top.
Oh God, you think, not now, please not now.
He still has hold of your wrist and with his other hand he undoes his zip and moves slightly so he can ease his flies open. His erection is hard, solid, hot, and you swallow.
He pulls you forward and you know you don't have a choice. But there is still no anger there; you look up at him and he is watching you, watching your mouth, and you can see the tiredness in his eyes, a vein pulsing at his temple.
“Please,” he says quietly using his other hand to bend your head to him so you can take his cock in your mouth and he can feel the warmth, wetness and comfort of your mouth.
The musky taste fills your senses and you hear him groan. He has closed his eyes and his hand releases your wrist and instead rests on your shoulder. You don't think it is going to take much to make him come; usually he likes to feel you take him in inch by inch running your tongue over him but today it is different. He pushes himself all the way in and instead of waiting for you, he starts to fuck your mouth and you have a moment of panic that you are going to choke but his hand on the back of your head offers no freedom and even the hand on your shoulder has you in to firm a grip to move back.
It takes only five or six thrusts before you feel the jerk of his body and feel the liquid hit the back of your throat and you swallow so you don't choke. His hands hold you in place until his hips have stopped thrusting and then he lets you go.
You would expect him to push you away but he doesn't and you look up at him and instead he has his eyes closed and his hands clenched. Then slowly his hands unclench and his eyes open and he looks at you and there is the faintest smile on his lips but he is so tired.
You get up, wiping your mouth as you do and he stands as well. You drink water from one of the cups on the table.
“Aren't you hungry?” you ask him. He can see the confusion in your face and just shakes his head.
“I need to sleep,” he says, his voice still quiet.
Something is definitely not right. Where is the coldness they usually programme into him? The usual certainty of you just being a whore for his use when he returns from them? He has used you, but there is such a gentleness about him you are not used to even when he has remembered who you are.
You step back so he can walk past you to the bed but again he surprises you and takes your hand and gently pulls you with him to the bed. He then begins to undress and you help him, and he literally falls into the bed. You go to pull the covers over but again he reaches for your hand and pulls you into the bed with him.
“Don't leave me alone,” he mumbles. His eyes are nearly closed and you don't think he has even realised he has spoken. You still have your dress on but you climb into the bed and he takes you into his arms, your head on his shoulder, and he is asleep in less than a minute. You lie there listening to the beat of his heart, to his even breathing, and you think of James. Sleep eventually claims you and you do not awaken for some time.
*
Earlier
They are programming him, all the normal levels have been done and they are now just putting in the details of the mission. A high ranking politician making waves, thinks he is invincible. He isn't. He has to die.
He has a predilection for male prostitutes, and some of the photographs they show the Winter Soldier have been taken whilst the politician is engaged in sexual intercourse with one of them. The male prostitute is servicing the man but the Winter Soldier never sees the prostitute's face, only the back of his blond head, his muscled back and small waist. And for some reason the Winter Soldier is finding this disturbing - its as if there is a memory trying to break through. As if he knows the prostitute.
The prostitute is wearing nothing but a tee shirt; it is red white and blue. He is well built, and must be very flexible, he hears one of the programmers joke. As they show him more photographs they are unaware of the fact that the Winter Soldier has the beginning of an erection. He tries not to look at the photographs but he has no choice. He cannot close his eyes. Cannot move his head. He is relieved when they swap to ones showing where the assassination is to take place.
But all the way back to his quarters he just keeps seeing the blond male. Keeps seeing him turn around, blue eyes smiling...yet in the photographs not once did he see his face. But the Winter Soldier can see someone clearly in his mind.
How is that even possible?
His head hurts and when he gets back to his quarters he is desperate to relieve his pent up feelings. His erection is painfully hard and he pulls the woman down and makes her take him in her mouth. He doesn't watch her, just feels the softness of her mouth and when he comes he sees the blond man's face in his mind and it makes him feel desperate, deep down inside, somehow.
Afterwards he needs to sleep but doesn't want to be alone and takes her into is bed with him.
*
You are woken by someone kissing you and you respond. His arms come around you and usually he would be pushing you onto your back so he can possess you but this time he is moving onto his back.
You break the kiss and pull back slightly so you can look at him.
The room is dark but you can still see his eyes; in this half light he looks so like James you could almost think it was him. You bend to kiss him again and he lets you. You move down to kiss his throat and still he doesn't stop you. He is lying on his back, eyes closed, one arm slung across his face and the other out beside him, totally open to you.
You move up slightly.
“Are you all right?” you ask quietly. This is so unlike him. He doesn't say anything but just nods his head and you bite your lip. You have no idea what is running through his mind but you know the Winter Soldier never shows his vulnerability like this.
You move the blankets back and he doesn't stop you. He is hard and his whole body seems tense. You kiss his chest and then gently nibble his skin; you hear his deep intake of breath and his cock sways. You carry on kissing him, tasting his skin, sucking his nipples, and you can tell by his breathing that he is extremely aroused. You move downwards and his breathing hitches; he can feel your breath on the tip of his cock as you kiss his stomach and lower, you run your tongue around his navel and he groans, his hands clenching.
You kiss around his cock but don't touch it and it sways and pre cum dribbles down from the tip but just as you are going to lick it he moves and draws his legs up slightly and then opens them and it stops you in your tracks.
You are dressed, he is not. He is laid out beside you totally naked, on his back. He has never done that before. He has always been the one in control, the one to possess you, to never show any sign of vulnerability.
You run your fingers down his thigh and he jerks, the hand on the bed clutches at the bed clothes and you see his adams apple bob as he gulps. He still has his eyes closed. His cock is hard, his balls full, his whole body tensed and desperate for relief. You have known and slept with this man for so many years and you know this is not normal. You continue to run your hands over him, you bend and kiss his thighs and then you move your tongue between his legs, past his balls, your tongue briefly flicks over his anus and he groans loudly.
“Fuck me...just fuck me, use your fingers anything but please, I need...for God's sake, please,” he says.
You sit up. He still has his eyes closed, his arm thrown over his face and his teeth are clenched.
“Please...” he says again.
Stefan's words from so long ago come back to you, your own mind puts two and two together.
He doesn't want you. He wants a male. He wants someone to take him.
He wants Steve, and he doesn't know it.
His legs are open wide, his whole genitalia on show. For once, this time he needs to be taken. He needs someone to fuck him and you are totally the wrong person.
But you are all he has.
He senses you have gone quiet and have stopped touching him and he moves his arm away from his face but he can't look at you.
“Use your fingers. Anything. Please, I need you to,” he says quietly. He is desperate to feel, all he can see is the blond man, feel him near, see and run his hands over him and he knows at sometime the blond man has fucked him. He needs that encounter again, he needs it now, is desperate for it and doesn't know why.
You look at your fingers. They are long and slim but no where near the length of his cock and you don't know if they can provide the stimulation he needs. Your mind is scrabbling.
You move up so that you are level with him and you gently touch his lips and he opens his eyes, they are deep blue, desperate, the vulnerability in them makes your stomach drop. You gently kiss him and stroke his cheek.
“I know what you need, I understand. Trust me, I won't hurt you.” He looks at you for a long while and his eyes tear up.
God, this is not the Winter Soldier, what the hell has caused this?
“I need...” but he can't say it, he gulps and you can see his whole body tremble.
“I know, and I can help you. Give me a few minutes and I promise I'll help,” you say. Then you take his right hand and put it on his cock and slowly get him to move it up and down. “Just think of what you want him to do,” you nearly said Steve's name but you can't; that would be to dangerous. It shows how he is not thinking right because he doesn't question the fact you said him.
He doesn't reply but he puts his head back and closes his eyes. He is totally in your power, totally and utterly. He couldn't help himself even if he wanted to.
“Just think of him,” you whisper into his ear and run your tongue around the outside and then down to his throat.
You kiss his lips gently whilst you move his hand away from his cock and you begin to stroke him instead. He responds to your kiss and your tongue pushes into his mouth and you lick around it and he moans again as you slow your hand down. You kiss down his throat to his chest. Your other hand you move to his anus and you push your fingers in.
“Oh Christ, oh God...” his voice is desperate and he tries to move down onto them.
His whole body is flushed red, his cock is upright and dribbling, his hands clenched, and the top half of his body is pushing back into the bed, his heels pushing down.
“Oh God, yes, yes! Harder, please, harder...” His head rocks from side to side and he is almost crying. You push them as far as they will go and he moans. Then your other hand tightens on his cock and you begin stroking him. “Oh God please, please.” He is weeping and you bend your head and you run your tongue over the top of his cock; it is like an electric shock hits his body.
Sweat is streaming down his body, he is saying something, he is quietly begging to be fucked. And then you know he is very close because you hear him. “Please Steve, please now...oh God, please.”
In his mind he is with Steve, he is back where he belongs, he is James Barnes and it has been such a long time for him. The blond haired man is over him, pushing into him, possessing him, making him his. He cries out, cries again for Steve, his whole body pushes upwards, and he comes.
Finally when his body stops jerking and you can see his cock is spent you withdraw your fingers. He is covered in his own semen, his eyes are still closed and he is breathing heavily. You put your hand on his chest and you can feel his heart still hammering. He groans and you move up and kiss him gently on the lips then on the forehead and you move his damp hair back.
“Its all right, you're okay. You're safe,” you murmur.
You realise he is close to being asleep again.
“Stevie,” he says quietly. ”I've missed you so much...” And the feeling in his words makes you want to weep.
You stroke his cheek. “I've missed you to Bucky,” you whisper in his ear and you watch as he falls asleep.
What will happen when he wakes? Will he remember anything? Will he remember Steve Rogers, and who he really is?
You gently climb off the bed and fetch a damp flannel and towel from the bathroom. You wipe his chest and belly and then his cock and when you finish he turns over in his sleep and curls up.
He is not the Winter Soldier. He is James Barnes. Or is he? Maybe he is both men at once. A hybrid.
What do you do?
After cleaning yourself up you pad into the kitchen and look at the cold food. You throw the soup down the drain, wrap the bread and put it to one side.
You should wake him to take his next set of cryo tablets but you want him to have this time to himself for as long as he can. Who knows where he is in his dreams? You pray that he is with his Steve.
You try not to think of your own feelings. You know he will never be yours in the way he was Steve's and it makes you feel sick and jealous if you are honest with yourself. You curl up on the top of your single bed, too tired to cry, and you fall asleep.
It is several hours later when you are woken by someone shaking your shoulder and you wake up to see him looming over you. You can't help but draw back as your heart starts thumping in your chest but then he sees the look on your face and his look of concern registers with you.
“Sorry,” you say sheepishly.
“Why are you over here?” he asks. You can see he is still very tired.
You try to smile, still trying to work out who he is. Is it James or the Winter Soldier? Or someone caught in between the two?
“I didn't want to disturb you,” you say and try to smile.
He frowns. His head hurts and he is having trouble thinking. Doesn't he usually sleep with this woman?
You can see confusion in his eyes. God what a mess they made with the programming this time, you think. You say: “Whilst you're awake I need to get you to take some more cryo tablets okay?” This diverts his attention, and getting up you go into the kitchenette and sort some out with a cup of water.
He has followed you, totally naked but obviously satisfied - he is relaxed in all areas. He takes the tablets and you can't help but think to yourself how messy God made men, everything hanging out and swinging about, it makes you want to laugh and you smile. He looks at you as if asking what the joke is and you shake your head.
“You men are always so relaxed with your...” and you move your hand up and down to indicate his nakedness.
The smile he gives you makes your legs go weak. This is James Barnes as you imagined he would be: living with him, getting up with him in the mornings, sharing your life with him - only he would never belong to you.
That thought brings you down to earth.
“Why?” he asks, and you frown to say you don't understand his question and he realises he didn't speak it aloud. “Why do you look so sad?”
What do you say? You duck your head and smile now. But as you try to think of a reply he scratches his head and then stretches and yawns.
“I think you need more sleep,” you say. You put the glasses in the sink and switch out the light. He pads back to his bed and you follow. Before he gets in, he puts his hands on your shoulders and looks into your eyes. He doesn't say anything for a moment but then he smiles again and breaks your heart.
“Don't leave me alone, will you?” he asks. You don't know if he means now or for all time. You stroke him down his cheek.
“I won't ever leave you alone, I promise,” you say and he nods as if you have confirmed something.
“Come to bed...” his voice is husky and he leans forward and gently kisses you on the lips.
You pull away and look at him and as you do he reaches around and undoes your plait and then turns you around and undoes the zip of your dress and lets it fall to the floor. You step out of it and turn back to him.
He gets into bed and holds the covers so you can get in beside him. You expect him to pull you into his arms to sleep but he doesn't. Instead, still sitting up, he leans in to kiss you again and you feel him release the strap of your bra, you kiss him back and then you feel his hands come around and cup your breasts and you can't help but sigh contentedly.
He backs away and you think you have lost him, but that is not so. He lies back and you can see even though he still looks tired his body is interested in you and there is a tightening feeling in your chest. He pulls your hair out from your back and unwinds it and then pulls you down to him. His eyes are beautiful, blue and deep and he is looking at you, at your mouth, at your body and his own body is responding to you.
Perhaps a little bit of him does belong to you now.
You don't know what will happen in the morning when he wakes up. But for tonight he is not Hydra's. Tonight he is free even if he does not know it.
*
The Winter Soldier awakens. His mission is confirmed in his mind. He knows what he has to do. He is surprised and perplexed to find he slept with the woman but he can find no anger towards her in his feelings. There is just contentment.
This mission is a success.
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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant