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A Divided Mind	By : CorpseChild Category: X-Men: (All Movies) > Het - Male/Female Views: 5049 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the X-Men movies, or any of the characters from them. I make no money from from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
The below is something I just wrote out for myself to help me figure out what I wanted to happen in the chapter, I'm going to leave it here for you guys to read. :) Not everything I wrote in the summary happened exactly, and may or may not happen in the near future of the fic, it was just a rough brainstorming, but I thought you might be interested.
Chapter summary for A Divided Mind, part 5: Everything unfolds like a hideous flower as the terrible 'secret' that Marie has been trying to hide to solve for herself, which, of course, isn't always the right thing to do.
She's still a young girl, keep in mind, she has been away from home for a long time and has had to grow up too fast. She wants to prove that she can handle herself, but when the situation arose, she couldn't take it and hid away.
But, things will change. Jean/Phoenix (depending on who's in control inside the mind,) is going to get the truth from Marie, and something a little more farther from the truth from Kurt. She can't readily believe that Kurt would do such a thing, even though she knows now that it was never Logan. Can Jean face the truth that looks aren't always what they seem? The mind can betray even those closest to that person.

Logan returns after a power walk, leaving his mark in the trees tha pas passed. More violence, as that's the only way he's learno deo deal with anger. Can Marie change that? Will he let himself change?
What's in the future for these three?
Okay, here we go. I think I got it. Don't think this is the end, folks.
More apologies. Life gets in the way, so does laziness. To the anonymous posters who despises my story, thank you. I know I can write better, but why try when I'm already having fun doing this?
My apologies for any mistakes and whatnot, I don't have a beta-reader. I didn't find anything when I read through it, but if you do please let me know, it would be much appreciated.
Chapter Five: Unchained Melody

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The rest of the night passed in a blur, mostly for Kurt than for Marie, really.
Jean was trying to get Marie down to the ward to tend to the cuts, while at the same time controlling the boiling concoction of anger and confusion within her veins. She had been containing herself quite well since she had returned to the mansion. There were flickers of the being referred to as Phoenix in her eyes and sometimes in her movements, but it never got out of hand.
Except in the Danger room. There, she was able to reach out with everything within her, including Phoenix, and she did a lot of damage with her hewn powers. A shower after those harsh sessions allowed her time to wind down, take a deep breath, assess herself, and slip back into Jean.
Not now, not at this moment when one of the most fragile and traumatized junior teammates was having trouble walking because she was so weak, both emotionally, mentally, and physically, that it was all she could do but carry the girl. She wasn't strong enough for that, and using telekinesis might not have been a smart thing to attempt in her state of mixed emotions.
Logan arrived soon, returning from a brief power walk, leaving in his angered wake damaged trees in the forest and mud on the wood floor. His acute senses told him something wasn't right, and it didn't take long for him to follow the smell of anger and fear to Jean and Marie.
Shocked was he when Jean stopped in the hallway to look at him, carefully cradling a hunched over Rogue with her hands nearly plastered to her face. He smelled blood. His rage slowly climbed as all he could think was that it was all Kurt's doing. He twitched his hands, the claws sliding out effortlessly as he made the move to go upstairs.
"Logan." he stopped, turning to look at the redhead. He had nothing to say to her, but he had no choice but to listen.
"We don't know what happened but, please, don't do anything irrational." she swallowed, looking down at Marie for a moment before meeting his eyes, "I'm sorry."
He looked at her with narrowed eyes, appraising her. With a grunt, he willed the claws back inside as he moved forward to hoist the girl into his arms in an over-the-threshold manner.
Just holding her in his arms, shaking like an exhaust pipe in the winter, made him want to hold her closer and promise her vengeance.
Jean was looking at him, he looked back. She nodded and went upstairs to help Ororo in ushering the children into their rooms. There wasn't any danger to be worried about, but it was best that they were to stay in the dorms; there didn't need to be an audience.
Swiftly he carried her down to the hospital ward, stopping just inside the door as it closed to look down at her, his voice gentle and grating as he struggled to keep himself calm,
"Marie... Rogue, what happened?" There, that ought to get her attention. She stopped shaking so much, but she still wouldn't look up or move her hands, keeping her face turned into his chest.
"Rogue, darlin', please, talk to me... God, for once just tell me." He felt her take a deep, shaky breath, whimpering so quietly, and it pulled at his heartstrings. It was too much for him to handle, him, the Wolverine, couldn't handle this. He would have laughed if it was that funny.
He moved to one of the metal tables and as he set her down, something shifted in the sweater pocket against him, something pointy. Curiously, he reached into the pocket and pulled out a pair of scissors. Alarm stirred inside of him as he fisted the scissors, looking down at her,
"Marie," he tried for the first approach, calling out her given name to try and bring her back, "What the hell is this? What happened? Talk to me!" he growled, barely able to stand her just sitting there while his heart was beating erratically.
Her body flinched at that, and slowly she brought her hands down, keeping her face pointed downwards at her lap. He saw the blood on her hands, most of it was dry but there were a few wet spots. He reached for her wrist but she pulled away from him,
"No..." she said weakly, "My skin."
He understood that well enough, putting down the scissors on a wheeled table nearby. As weak as she was, she probably wasn't able to keep control of her mutation at the moment. Logan was half-surprised that she even remembered to warn him, as he hadn't even considered that when he had taken her into his arms.
With sure movements, he walked across the room to where he knew the latex gloves were, tugging them on over his large hands with little difficulty. Flexing his fingers to loosen them, he walked back to her and took her bare hands into his own, staring down at them.
Marie's inner forearms were facing upwards, enduring the scrutiny of his determined eyes. There were no cuts anywhere. Now that he thought about it, looking over at the scissors on the table, there wasn't any blood on the scissors either.
"Marie, look at me." his gloved hands held hers loosely, his thumbs lightly rubbing the pulse points of her wrists, her heartbeat quick like a jack rabbit's. Had it sped up just now?
Shoulders tensing, she continued to look down. If he hadn't been consumed by worry he might have gotten extremely angry. He strained his voice to bite back the harsh tones he felt burning on his tongue and instead, a pleading and commanding accent was put to his words,
"God, Marie, just look at me. After all you've put me through these past few days, you at least owe me this." his hands squeezed hers to emphasize his point somehow. It worked. She knew he was right, but it didn't stop her from feeling ashamed. She looked up, her face pale and still marked with vicarious cuts. They would remain until the power she drained wore off.
"Jesus, what happened?" he said quietly, not trusting his voice to go any louder. His grip on her wrists loosened at his abject awe and horror. 'Why?' the question rang inside his head, and it became a slow and quiet mantra. 'Why why why why...'
"He's sick and I... I wanted to help." her voice was broken with the tears she had cried, and the ones that still had yet to come. "He hurt me and I couldn't fight back. I didn't know how to. I couldn't tell anyone, I was too afraid-" she stopped, her eyes glossing over at her slow confession. The tears would come and this time, this time someone will comfort her. Logan will comfort her.
She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his stomach, pressing her cheek against his flannel-coverehesthest, choking out the words, "I felt dirty and disgusting and that no one would look at me ever the same if I told them. I don't know why," she sobbed, her hands gripping at his back muscles, "I was stupid, I *am* stupid. I should have never let him... let him..."
Stepping closer, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. He still couldn't put all the broken words together, and what he *was* making of them was not making him feel any better, was not calming his anger. He pet her hair and leaned his head down, kissing her crown softly,
"What did he do?" he ground out, his voice almost shaking. It was too much to see her like this, all raw emotions and the fragile little girl she never had the chance to be. She had to grow up too fast.
"He touched me, he, he..." she was hyperventilating. The sudden chance to let spill everything that she endured, though she made the choice to try to handle it herself, to be the mature young woman she tried to be, was overwhelming for her. She wished she could just come right out and say it.
Instead of pushing away from her with a growl and setting off on a vendetta for Kurt as she might have expected, all that could be told of his anger was the sudden tensing of the muscles in his body, the stillness of his hand that stroked her hair, and the low rumble in his throat.
They stayed like that for a while, no one was counting thnutenutes, it could have been five minutes, it could have been fifteen. Just when Logan was starting to wonder where the hell everyone was, the mechanical doors hissed behind them and Jean walked in... alone.
Without really meaning to Logan glared at Jean. It was hard to hide his anger at Kurt, and the slight bit of anger he had at Marie for hiding all of this from them at the last minute, hiding it from *him* especially. From the look in his eyes, Jean didn't need him to say anything to know what he wanted to hear,
"Professor Xavier is in one of the other medical rooms with Scott and Kurt. Kurt's strapped down and sedated, his breathing is back to regular but he is still unconcious."
Marie pulled away from the embrace slightly to look at Jean, "Why do you need to sedate him if he's unconcious?" her voice cracked.
Jean looked at the poor girl, crossing the room to remove cotton swabs and disinfectant from the cabinets. "For when he comes around; we don't want him clear-headed enough so that he'll teleport before we can question him. Well, before the Professor can read his mind, that is. Questioning might not get us straight answers, after all," she saw the pair of scissors in the tray and looked at them with an arched brow,
"I wanted to protect myself," Marie said in explanation.
"When there's a fire out of control, people call the fire department, they *don't* try to handle it themselves," The doctor replied cryptically, her tone disapproving but not angry. Pouring some of the disinfectant into a small dish, she dipped one of the cotton swaps into it and gestured towards Marie,
"Come here, let's make sure those cuts are clean before your skin heals over them."
Looking up at Logan as if she would have rather stayed closer to him, she shuffled along the exam table, closer towards the other end. Logan followed and caught her hand in his gloved one, locking fingers with her. Then, he looked at Jean as she dabbed at the cuts, clearing his throat,
"Don't you think asking Marie would be better than trying to get anything out of... out of *him*?" He didn't even want to say his name, he might end up finishing it in a growl or something.
"Of course, but," she patted Marie's shoulder when she jumped from a stinging cut on her cheek, "it would be nice to have his view on the matters so we can analyze his thoughts."
"Fuck analyzing his thoughts, he needs to be locked up for what he's done to her." he squeezed Marie's hand, not too tight, but it wasn't gentle either, and she squeezed back. Jean looked up at him,
"Look, maybe it would be satisfying enough for you if he was just thrown into a padded room and forgotten about, but I, for one, want to know what's going on in his head before we take any immediate steps."
Marie licked her lips and tried to speak in the clearest voice she could muster, "He... he wanted an angel to take away his sins, make him pure again. And when I could finally control my mutation his delusions got him to thinking that *I* could heal him. I was his angel." she looked down at the ground, afraid she might tear up again. It was all so sad...
Jean snapped her out of that mood real quick, "Marie, don't you dare go feeling sorry for him. I understand that you experienced all of the bad memories he harbored and feel empathy for the man, but the fact still stands that he molested you, and mental weakness or not, that is not acceptable. And what's more, you kept it to yourself," she was upset, they could tell, and it only elevated. Jean was no longer the ever-cautious telepath, Phoenix made sure of that.
"Jeanie, don't you think you're being a little harsh?" What's this? Logan actually being... sympathetic? Compassionate? Well of course. It was Marie, after all. He didn't think it was right for Jean to go off on her, at least right now anyway.
"So says the Wolverine, who knows more about being harsh than I ever could. Tell me, where were *you* when all this was happening to her?" Ooh, that did it. That pushed some buttons.
He growled, narrowing his eyes. It might have been Jean's face, Jean's eyes, but that was not Jean's mouth sneering at him. He let go of Marie's hand, balling his fists at his sides, keeping the foot distance between them. It was better that way.
"Don't YOU try to put this off on me! What do you think I've been tearing my heart out for, the last waffle at breakfast? Don't think for a minute that I didn't try to find out what was happening, that I didn't ask her, very damn near begged to know, to help!" he growled again and pounded his fist on the metal examining table, leaving a dent about six inches away from Marie's leg. Glaring, his voice softened menacingly,
"Do you think I enjoyed it? Oh, what the fuck am I talking to you for? You had the nerve to think it was ME, like I could do such a thing to someone I love."
Stunned silence followed. Had Logan really, truly confessed his love? Well, of course he did, he wasn't the type of guy to really joke about things like that. He also didn't throw the word around, either. To him, it was just a word, and sometimes words didn't matter. Sometimes. But if he ever did say it, you'd know he meant it with all his beastly heart.
Marie's red-rimmed eyes looked up at him in shock, a mixture of emotions passing over her face and within her head: surprise, awe, sadness, shame, and the one that was the most clear-- love. He returned her look with still much the same amount of anger at Jean, but there was a flicker of something else in his eyes.
"I love you too, Logan." she said brokenly.
"Then why wouldn't you tell me?" his brow crinkled in hurt and worry.
"I... I wanted to help him, I wanted to do it myself." she looked down at her hands. He placed a gloved finger beneath her chin to lift it,
"Honey, you don't handle things like this by yourself and you don't keep something like that from people who are concerned about your well-being." his eyes on her, not even flickering away when Jean made an indiscernable noise,
"I understand you might have wanted to help him, but you gotta look out for yourself first. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes, trust me." he looked into those cinnamon-brown eyes, strange clouds of yellow floating in the depths, glittering with held-back tears, and withdrew his hand away from her face, only to wrap his arms around her again, not caring whether or not her mutation was under control again.
There was no pull of her hungry skin seeking to drink in his essence... Marie was heading the reigns once again.
Jean makes a small movement of her head, as if a fly had buzzed close to her ear, then her fingers raise to her temple, and they know Xavier is talking to her. Her eyes flutter close for a moment as she listens and responds to only the voice she can hear, before flickering open again to look at them.
"The Professor has just told me that Kurt is semi-concious and has surprisingly agreed to let him see into his mind. But not tonight, he says we all should rest and wait for the morning before we get into this." she looked at them uncomfortably, looking like she wanted to say something, maybe apologize, but she doesn't know how to form the words. Instead, she nods to Logan who merely looks at her, and exits the medical room. The two are quiet for a moment, before Logan pulls back from the embrace and looks down at her,
"Sweetheart? What say we go to bed, hmm?"
"We?" she asked confusedly, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand as Logan tugged off the confining gloves.
"Yes, 'we'. I'd feel a lot safer if you stayed with me tonight. I don't care whether or not Chuck trusts *him*, I want you where I can see you." He looked at her meaningfully, reading the unspoken alternate meaning for that last part, 'I want you where I can protect you.' She smiled softly, sliding off of the table, "Alright."
Hand in hand, they left the room and took the elevator back to the second floor where Logan's room was. It was convenient that Marie was already wearing her pyjamas because she really didn't think she could have come back to her room anyway. Turning down a corridor and stopping at the end of the hall, Logan pushed open the door for her and allowed her to enter first.
Everything was dark wood and smelled of the forest with just a hint of smoke. Cigars. She had been in here before, of course, but something was different this time. The moon filtered through the window, the silver rays gobbled up almost immediatly as Logan flipped the light switch on the wall to cast a dim yellow-white glow around the room.
"Make yourself comfortable." he said gruffly, but friendly. He couldn't help that rough edge, the sight of his bed brought on how tired he really was. Needless to say, he hadn't been sleeping very well lately.
He went to the dresser across the room and emptied his pockets; wallet, change, bowie knife, rusting metal cigar case, book of matches. The essentials, really, that he took with him everywhere he went. What the Wolverine needed with a bowie knife was unclear, but it never really hurt to have it on hand. It never hurt.
Throwing off his coat and tossing it at a chair, he eyed her as he unbuttoned his flannel shirt. She seemed more relaxed in his presence but her movements were still slow and unsure. The yellow in her eyes had dimmed drastically but he could still see a bit of it when she glanced at him shyly. Smiling back reassuringly, his shirt soon joined the jacket and he was left to decide what he should do about his sleep clothes. Of which he had none.
"I'm going to put on some sweats." he said, not really sure why he needed to tell her, after all, this was his room.
"Alright," she said distantly, fingering the cuffs of her sweater thoughtfully.
"I don't like to feel restricted when I'm sleeping," he explained needlessly, "but tonight'll be an exception." he gave a roguish smile and began to remove his jeans. He had nothing to be ashamed of, apparently, and even at such a fragile moment in both their lives, he didn't feel the need to censor himself. Marie took this opportunity to occupy herself with removing the sweater, and most certainly not watching Logan peel off the tight denim.
She had meant it when she told him she loved him, despite all she had put him through. She didn't want him to know because she wanted to protect him. Protect him from what, though? Marie didn't even know what she had been thinking, her mind had been so washed over with panick and fear before, now that she was out of that fog she was going to have a difficult time coming to terms with everything. But she knew with the help of the others, and especially Logan, she could do it.
A small smile on her face, she had grabbed the edge of the sweater and tugged it off quickly. It was starting to feel a little uncomfortable and it was a relief to get the thing off so she could breath and move around better. The plain white t-shirt went with the plain pale green pyjama pants. She liked them, they were cozy and warm and weren't annoyingly decorated. She liked things simple... even though her life had just become a little more complicated.
Just at that moment it had occured to her how perfectly fine she was with sleeping in the same bed as Logan, a man who was known for his flirtatious personality and wiles. Why? She snuck a glance at him, wearing his boxers and rummaging through the dresser for the sweats. Because he never hid anything from her, was always there for her, protected her, and she always knew he loved her but never any more than perhaps a sister or a daughter. His brutal honesty with her may have been sometimes unsettling, but it was always appreciated that he never tried to sugar coat things like everyone else always did. She wasn't a kid anymore, she hasn't been for a very long time.
Finally ready, he turned to face her as he tied the drawstring, smirking slightly before walking towards her. She became nervous all of a sudden, watching as his taller form started to loom before her... it must have been his height advantage. Marie wasn't exactly short, but she always felt small, especially around those who had more control of their powers, stronger... Logan's build was enough to make her feel weak.
Reaching behind her to poise a finger above the light switch, he looked down at her, "Hop in before I turn off the light, it can get pretty dark in here and you don't have heightened vision." he smiled slightly, a cousin of that previous smirk.
Nodding with a small smile, she made her way to the bed, her hand idly trailing along it as she walked up the left side of it, the side she always thought of as 'hers' whenever they would just hang out together. Even though she knew he liked that side, he always gave it up for her. It made her smile, then, as she tossed back the thick fuzzy comforter, sliding beneath the cool sheet.
Almost instantly, the light was out and she saw what he meant about it getting dark. The only light was the moon which, most likely due to the window facing the tall trees, didn't give too much light. She watched semi-blindly as the vague silhouette of Logan slinked through the darkness like a cat on the prowl, before he joined her beneath the covers.
Turning on his side, his head cradled in his hand, he looked at her with her back pressed against the pillows against the headboard. "You can lay down, you know, unless you've practiced sleeping sitting up without tellin' me." he chuckled softly, his right hand drifting through the darkness to touch her lightly on the shoulder.
She jumped unexpectedly, a small surprised gasp coming from her throat. She relaxed immediatly, feeling ashamed that she would react in such a way towards him when all he was trying to do was make sure she was comfortable. She couldn't see his faint frown in the darkness, but she looked down at him, the moonlight barely touching his facial features.
"'M sorry I... I suppose I'm a little afraid of the dark these days." she said softly, swallowing.
"S'alright, honey, I won't let anything happen to you." his hand stopped supporting his head as he used it to follow the length of her arm to find her hand, holding it tightly. She smiled and scooted down in the bed, turning on her side to face him and hugging his hand, and arm, to her chest.
Adjusting the covers over the both of them, he slid down a bit and wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her to him protectively. Snuggling against him, eyes closed, she murmured,
"Goodnight, Logan."
"'Night, Marie." he kissed her crown and settled in, suddenly feeling the heavy pull of sleep and succumbing to it.
Marie fell into a restful slumber, where no demons could reach her beyond the walls of sleep.

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A/N: Sorry, I am kind of bad at ending chapters. This isn't the end, there is still more to resolve, non? I honestly don't know how I will write the next chapter, but I hope I can get something done before the end of the month. ;)
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A Divided Mind