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Acceptance	By : ScereyahaDreamweaver Category: Marvel Verse Movies > Avengers, The Views: 3928 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel (nor the avengers, nor science boyfrinds), It's fandom, nor theses characters, just this interpretation of their relationship, I make no money from this.

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The comment, though it was spoken in some vicious rant months previous, still had Anthony’s attention; the statement that all humans were hardwired to be as messed up as they are. It was just another one of those battles against someone who was just as messed up as, or more so than, they claimed all of humanity was; but it was not untrue. Down to a very basic level, human thought and emotion worked hand in hand with chemical signals in the brain, the amounts of -and sensitivity to- which were determined heavily by genetics, environmental factors and experiences. It struck him that with someone like Bruce, there should be some effort to work out -in detail- how he was set up, chemically, and not to try to replicate it -as so many wanted to- but to help his friend manage it more healthily and get to live the kind of life he deserved. He continued his prying, despite some obvious reluctance to run over the same issue again on the part of the friend in question.

“Is your heart rate the only issue? Or is blood pressure a problem too? What I’m getting at is, I think it’s an involved stress response. Heart rate is only one of the variables. There’s a question of adrenaline, brain activity, other neuro-chemicals… The effect of oxytocin to consider, for example.”

“Can we drop it?” Bruce said, sounding a bit more annoyed than he meant to.

He did of course realize Anthony was right on the money about it being an involved stress response. His heart rate was -in fact- not the only issue. Disaster often depended heavily on his emotional state more than anything. He also knew it would be a great help to him in controlling his condition if he could understand it better, but the thought of a lab and Anthony poking around in his head, and physiology, still made him nervous.

Anthony did not say anything. Since Bruce's most recent stay there, and especially since the business of the alternate time-lines converging, Bruce had ended up with a slight tendency to sway back and forth between shy and amicable -just being happy to be near his old friend- and being bitter. Anthony could venture at least a couple of guesses as to why. The first may have had everything to do with what Bruce admitted to out loud, and the second would have a lot to do with his apparent sentiments about Anthony being in the habit of taking too many liberties where he was concerned. He did not really want to think about either, though, nor find out exactly what had his friend bitter at this moment, so said nothing; rather he suddenly dropped his playful air and looked away.

Bruce sighed. This was happening more than he liked lately. Anthony had always pushed his buttons, just to the right extent. Everyone else tiptoed around him and made him feel like they did not trust him not to act like a total monster, or turn into one, not Anthony. He made it perfectly clear that he trusted Bruce enough to play with him, bounce off him, push at him, and generally approach him and make him feel welcome. He was thankful to him for this more than anything. On the other hand, it meant the man was constantly pushing his buttons. There were times when he would get annoyed enough to yell at him, or speak a bit harshly, but he always regretted it. Anthony was more sensitive than he let on, and never wanted to think that Bruce might actually be mad at him. Bruce did not want to patronize him by apologizing or tiptoeing around him, but sometimes Anthony looked a little too heart-broken to not.

“Is there a reason why you’re this interested in my sex life?" he said, dropping his tone, by way of an apology.

He wanted to let Anthony know he was willing to keep up their dialogue, but that the subject could change without him minding much.

His friend blushed a little, despite not seeming to flinch or skip a beat otherwise.

“Not really, I just though it might help your mood.” Anthony said, a flinch under his eye indicating that he was responding in annoyance to Bruce’s hot and cold treatment.

“Sorry I wasn’t… I’m just tired.” He certainly was not trying to imply anything.

Alienating the one close friend he had was not something he wanted to risk. He was getting frustrated though; and he was trying hard enough not to think about what kind of resources were already being invested in this latest pet project; even if it was just brain-space in the mind of the most brilliant playboy on the planet. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose -before that broke suddenly into laughing with ironic humour and rolling his eyes- as he sat back, more relaxed again. He looked to his friend, pleading him with his eyes, and a coy smile, not to carry on the embarrassing subject.

Anthony raised his eyebrow but did not ask about what had been found funny.

“I can get you into the lab as soon as this week." he stated as if it were assumed to be the plan, rather than an offer.

“I‘m not sure I really want to put myself on display for one of your research teams.” His smile dropped, but the mildly pleading look stayed.

In retrospect, allowing the two of them to fall into the habit of a late evening drink together had probably been bad judgement on both their parts. Tony always seemed to drink enough for his tongue to be a little too lose, even compared to normal, and Bruce did not like the impairment to his own judgment, especially considering the touchy subjects that kept coming up. He probably would not even have had one drink, if it were not at Anthony’s insistence and with his company.

“Doesn’t have to be a team.” said Anthony with a small shrug.

The way he blinked betrayed that the suggestion of a whole team being involved had actually been a mild surprise.

“You know you don’t have to do this.“ said Bruce.

“…I might be more comfortable if you didn’t." he mumbled, putting his -almost empty- glass on the table.

“But you, Casanova, do need to get laid.”

“And you think you can help me with that?" he said, holding back more of that ironic humour, behind crossed arms and another of his smiles.

He had said it before really thinking.

“I have the resources." Anthony said, thankfully seeming to miss the unintended wording.

“I’ll think about it.” said Bruce, averting his eyes.

“Oh, no, you’re not getting off that easily, Goliath.” Anthony remarked, as Bruce had claimed he would think about it the last hundred or so times the subject had -conveniently- managed to come up.

Bruce rolled his eyes and sighed, they both knew it was a cop-out for him; he did not need to respond to that.

Anthony knew what was holding his friend back. Of course, he wanted to know if there could be a way he could safely risk intimacy, even in his more stressed states. The thought of hurting someone he cared about though, was mortifying to him, and he had caused enough damage in the past to reinforce, in his own mind at least, that he should not trust himself. Even testing the issue in carefully controlled lab conditions was risky. Over the past number of years though, things had changed. Bruce had become much more capable of self-control in all aspects of his life, and their understanding of his other persona had evolved a great deal; as had his other persona. Anthony was convinced at this point that his friend could manage himself in any relationship he wanted to, at least with the right person.

“With all the precautions we’ve discussed, I’m sure you could handle yourself. Everything would be closely monitored and there wouldn’t be anything there to… upset you. Just some basic tests; one thing at a time.” Anthony tried to ply him with reassurances.

“And you’re sure this… isn‘t just you flirting with disaster.” Bruce said, his arms still crossed in a defensive posture.

He was always comforted by how much confidence his friend had in him, and he had not really disappointed him yet, but he did not like to take risks, especially when Anthony was involved, not least of all because the man liked to push boundaries and walk thin lines.

“You think I’m flirting?” Asked Anthony, rhetorically.

Bruce raised his eyebrow a bit.

“You’d be monitored the whole time, strapped down with specially designed restraints and hooked up to an emergency dosage of a suppressant, just in case." he assured him.

Bruce looked at him, brow now raised in a doubtful expression.

“No one would be there to…”Anthony tried to reason with him, not wanting to let it drop this time, but he was cut short.

“You’d be there." he said, quietly, breaking eye contact.

“Don’t want me to see you enjoy yourself?” Anthony flippantly glazed right over one of his main arguments against the proposal.

He felt a nervous clutching in his stomach at the thought of his friend seeing him orgasm. It was not that Anthony made him uncomfortable, they had been close friends for years, sometimes being each other’s only social contact, he just was not sure how awkward it would be to lean on those boundaries, carefully controlled clinical tests or not. There was also the much more worrying concern of something going very wrong. If Anthony got hurt, he would not be able to live with it.

“You know that’s not the problem." he said darkly.

“You don’t think I can handle myself if something does go wrong?” Anthony asked him, eyebrow raised and drink held off to one side in a self-indicating gesture.

“Tony, if something went wrong and you got hurt… If I hurt you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” Bruce said sincerely, obviously having a hard time even thinking about it.

The mood was suddenly sombre and dark. Bruce sat hanging his head, elbows on his knees with his hands clutched together in front of himself; thumbs touching his forehead lightly and staring at the floor. Anthony knew that if something really did go wrong, even if Bruce did not want to live with it, he would have to, potentially forever. Every mistake he made, every misstep or error in judgement, he would have to carry with him into whatever eternity had to offer. That was the understanding that hung between them now as he got up and sat down beside him, putting his drink on the table and his arm over his friend’s back. Bruce relaxed back against the arm, unconsciously, dropping his hands into a relaxed posture. His face was pale now and his expression was now both pained and pleading. Anthony squeezed his shoulders against his side, like a reassuring hug. He looked to him, suddenly seeming entirely sincere.

“You’ve agreed to even induce an episode on purpose before. Betty was there, you didn’t hurt her. We’d actually be trying not to cause one. With an emergency suppressant -that we do know will work- on standby. It’s not just about sex- all joking asides- you’re harder on yourself than anyone else ever could be, because you think you have to be, because you can’t seem to trust yourself. We’ve both seen where all this is heading, all the possible futures spanning out in front of us. You asked me to save you, once, and that’s what I’m trying to do. With everything we’ve been through… You don’t trust me.” it was -in effect- a question, but he said it like a statement.

He knew Bruce had been given plenty of reason to either trust him, or have no trust left for him, either way being certain that he should at least be trusted to do what he thought was best for Bruce. He would have felt bad about dragging up Betty as a comparison, but if it would get Bruce to agree, then he could not be bothered. He did not really understand the level of resistance he was meeting; the motivations, yes, but not the extent.

“It’s more that I don’t trust myself with you.” Bruce said, looking a bit distraught, but not missing the attempted guilt-trip.

Anthony knew he should have taken his friend’s unwavering concern as a comfort, but it bothered him too. Bruce had trusted himself with people before, if he thought his alternate personality would recognize and attach to them, if he cared about them enough.

Bruce had not missed the flash of doubt or hurt look that had crossed Anthony’s features when he said he did not trust himself with him. He could tell it was not acting.

“I didn’t mean… I don’t think I could get that mad at you, not over this. I’d never want to hurt you.” Bruce said, his tone pleading him to understand, but it was not exactly his own feelings -as Bruce- that concerned him, and they both knew it.

He did not want to hurt him in any context. That was part of the problem. If he had an episode, even if he did not hurt Anthony, the mere fact that it happened might undermine the man’s confidence that Bruce cared about him; but then, not letting him try was having about the same effect.

“You won’t hurt me.” Anthony said taking some effort to sound absolutely certain.

They already had this argument a hundred times before. Bruce would argue that the potential cost was too steep. Anthony would be reminded of all the times when his friend’s fear of hurting people had driven him to try to hurt himself to keep others safe, it would break his heart and he would say nothing about it. He would argue back that the consequences of not trying were worse, that Bruce disserved to have good things, a healthy loving relationship; deserved to be able to enjoy himself. Deserved more trust and credit than he gave himself. Bruce would try to change the subject, sometimes in hilariously transparent ways, despite the subject often being grim. Anthony would take pity on him and let the subject change, but he would always come back to it. They had done this same dance for years now, and Bruce still did not seem convinced.

Anthony sighed heavily and refilled his glass, for the fifth time that night, before picking it back up.

Bruce watched this with concern. He was starting to think that the best thing for his friend was, in fact, to take up a pet project, as it would give him something to focus on, and might keep him from drinking as much. Anthony had issues in the past with drinking, and he wanted to keep him from it if he could. He reached out and put his hand over the glass, before the man could take another drink.

“I’ll make you a deal." he said, as Anthony let him hold onto the top of the glass.

“I’ll let you run some tests, if you don’t drink in between them.” He raised his brow at his friend, hoping he was not overstepping some boundary.

“Does that mean I can drink during them?” Anthony asked smartly.

“Tony, I’m serious." he said, scowling.

He supposed that he really was willing to be that pet project, if it saved his friend from his own self-destructive habits. All he could smell, other than deodorant and shampoo, was the stinging burnt caramel of the alcohol on Anthony’s breath, and he was certain that if he was not also drinking, that it would be obnoxious.

“After this glass?" he asked, not playfully enough for Bruce’s taste.

Their surprise was mutual as Bruce took the glass for himself, and Anthony let him.

“It’s a date then.” Anthony said, leaning back.

Bruce shot him an odd half smile. He was never sure how seriously to take him. Somehow, it was never awkward though. They had actually come to spend a lot of time together, not only helping each other out on projects and supporting each other with their personal goals, but also in other endeavours. They could almost as often be found together in the gym, as the lab. Anthony exercised to keep his muscles and nerves in check, as well as keep up with the strain of piloting his mech suit, on the off chance he still needed to; and Bruce, to be more capable of defence without having to lose his cool and to manage his body’s own stress response, heart rate and blood pressure.

He leaned back, not thinking anything of Anthony’s arm having -again- found his shoulders. They were both so starved for human contact that it was not uncommon to find them having fallen asleep on the couch after a long night of talking. Over the years, it had even become a comfortable habit, one that they had just recently defaulted back into without thought. The first time it happened he had felt awkward over it, until Anthony shrugged it off as if it was nothing, somehow that made it completely acceptable. He often wished all of his anxieties could be so easily quelled by his friend’s unwavering confidence.

~*~
A note from the author:
So here we are, where I originally began the story. Now that we have some idea where this is going, I'll leave it for now. At least until I have some idea of it's reception.
You may also have noticed I use a British-English dictionary. That is intentional.
...And yes, their study will get a little science-y, but any technical or chemical terms I use I try to be fairly self explanatory -in context- so that everyone will still know what's going on.
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Acceptance