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Dichotomy	By : LeDiable Category: X-Men: (All Movies) > Slash - Male/Male > Charles/Erik Views: 2817 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men:First Class, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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We resumed training the next day. I didn't say anything about what had happened. I didn't know if I even wanted to talk about what had happened. It was relatively easy to distract myself by helping Raven and Alex train. I think Charles must have been embarrassed as well because he did the same. As the day passed, however, I found that I did want to see him.

After lunch I found him walking the grounds deep in thought. He tended to gravitate towards the quieter areas of the estate when he wasn't working with everyone. I don't know if it was an attempt to escape the sound of all of our thoughts or if it was something else. The handgun felt heavy in my hand. A half realized plan was slowly forming in my head. He was surprised to see me. "Erik? Is everything okay?" he asked. I must have looked more frantic than I felt because his brows were knitted in concern.

"Yeah, everything's great. I just wanted to ask if you could help me train."

"Is that what the gun is for?" He gestured at it, smiling nervously.

"I was wondering if you'd shoot me." I pointed to my forehead. "Here." It sounded so stupid and pathetic. Surely he'd see through it. He nodded slowly.

"And you're sure you can stop it?" In truth I wasn't sure, but it had been the first thing I'd thought of. Some part of me wanted him to do it and knew that I couldn't react fast enough. He must have been able to see that too, but he pretended not to.

I handed the gun over to him and he held it in his hand trying to gauge its weight and size. I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself. As I concentrated I could see all of the gun's parts and how they fit together. The bullet, that was the most important part so I found that first, then expanded my powers to encompass each and every component. They all fit together so precisely. I knew I could do it.

His hand was wavering. I took hold of the gun and placed it against my forehead. It was cold against my skin. I stared right into his eyes and smiled. He closed his eyes and his finger moved on the trigger. I tensed. His grip was quivering. I had to try to keep concentrating on exactly where everything was or all would be lost.

The moment stretched out longer and longer. And then he lowered the weapon and handed it to me. "I can't do it. I can't shoot my friend point blank."

I had been bracing myself to destroy the gun, to tear it to pieces, and now he had moved it. It felt like he had torn it away from my flesh. I almost dropped it when he tried to put it into my hands. "I could have done it. I've done it before," I protested. It didn't matter that I really hadn't. He had to believe I had.

"It's not pushing yourself if you've done it before." He looked around for a moment. "Have you tried anything larger? What if Shaw uses the sub again?" I was still trying to calm down from trying to take the gun apart. I didn't have the strength to argue again.

"I can't move large things. I need the situation, the anger." And that was true too. That was how we had met. "I can't do it on command."

"We're here to develop our powers. You'll never know what you're capable of unless you try." He pointed at the satellite dish that loomed in the distance. The huge structure appeared to have grown out of the forest, a manmade behemoth. It was facing off to the side. "Why don't you turn that to face us?"

Rather than waste my energy protesting I reached out. I could feel the metal rising up from the earth, the pipes and wires coiling underneath it like roots. My powers slowly spread out over its surface. I could feel every inch of the satellite dish, every panel, every screw, every bolt. And then I tried to move it. Nothing happened, though I knew I was pulling as hard as I could. A few seconds passed and it seemed like it was starting to give. I outstretched my arms and my hands trembled with the effort. It almost felt like it was finally going to move and then my body gave out. I had to brace myself against the railing so that I wouldn't fall down.

Charles didn't look surprised that I had failed. He came a bit closer and leaned on the railing next to me. I didn't want to see his disappointment. And yet when I dared to look at him he was looking off at the satellite dish wistfully.

I wanted to make excuses, but I knew he wouldn't accept them. "I don't know how to make the transition from small things to big ones. I can only do it if the emotion is there," I admitted.

He nodded. "Maybe the problem is the kind of emotion you're using." He tapped his fingers against his forehead. "May I?"

In truth I thought he was always in my head. It was surprising that he wasn't. I nodded my assent.

My mind became more focused. And then the faintest flickers of memory started to enter my consciousness. I raised my hand and felt the satellite dish.

The images and memories washed over me and I felt a greater connection to the power I held deep inside. To see my parents again, to be at home and safe, all of that was something I never thought I'd see again. I had buried it so deep down inside of me in an attempt to protect it. Instead I had forgotten it. A tear ran down my cheek. It had been so long since I'd allowed myself to remember anything before Shaw. It was like discovering something I had thought long gone. That was when I realized that I was a student too. For all our working together and speeches about needing to train, he was still able to use his power better than I could mine. I needed his help to reach my full potential, he didn't need mine.

There was a huge groaning sound as the satellite dish slowly shifted on its pedestal. I could feel the weight of it turn in my hands. Sweat dripped down my face. Even though it was moving it still required an almost superhuman effort to keep it moving at the same speed.

When it finally faced us and I could let go I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I slumped over the railing. Charles seemed exhausted by the effort. We both started laughing. I think he was heady with the realization that he had helped me reach a breakthrough of sorts. A breakthrough not rooted in pain or anger.
We were still in the moment when Moira poked her head out the window and said that the president was going to make an announcement. Any shared experience that we had soon disappeared and the feeling was gone. That wasn't Moira's fault.

Everyone was huddled around the television set in the living room. I only half-listened as President Kennedy outlined the situation in Cuba. From the moment he had mentioned nuclear missiles and the possibility of starting a nuclear war my mind had gone to Shaw. All of the elements were in place for him to start his war against humans. It was just a matter of finding out how to stop him.

The mood had changed. All of the joking and kidding around stopped as they all realized what they would be going up against and what the stakes were. I hoped that they would be able to put aside their fears and fight Shaw effectively, but there was little Charles and I could do to prepare them at this point. We all retreated to our respective places of safety. Hank went to his lab, Raven went to her room, and Charles and I went to the library.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, as pretty much every other, started with a game of chess and drinks. It was so easy to follow the same routine, especially when faced with the possibility of dying tomorrow. Things seemed to be going well, but then Charles decided to start talking about what would happen with Shaw. Even though I had said it many times before he still refused to believe that I was going to kill Shaw when we met. I don't know if he thought that he would sway me with his kind words and companionship, or if he was going to take control of my mind and body and stop me telepathically. I wanted to believe that he would let me make my own decisions, but I had seen him take control of humans and manipulate them without a second thought. I didn't delude myself that I was anything different. For all that I trusted him I still didn't want him in my head.

All of his reasons not to kill Shaw paled in comparison with my memories. If I didn't make a conscious effort to stop it the memory would replay over and over, burrowing deeper and deeper into my brain. Shaw as Schmidt counting to three, the strain of trying to move the coin, and the sound of the gun going off. The torture afterward hadn't compared after that first encounter. Eventually I learned how to control my reactions enough to where he didn't have to hurt me to get his desired result. I could shut off the part of me that hurt and was scared. Instead I replaced it with rage and anger. It soon colored every memory I had of him. I couldn't control my reactions when I saw him, some part of me didn't even want to.

Charles said that killing him wouldn't bring me peace. That only told me that he still didn't understand even after his constant rooting around in my mind. Shaw was only a piece of the larger problem. Once the humans knew that we existed there was no way that things could go back to the way they had before. Charles seemed to think that they would fawn over us if we stopped the missiles from reaching Cuba. Maybe there would be a parade and medals for all of us. I knew that there was little likelihood of anything like that happening. The best we could hope for was a jail cell on some isolated piece of rock far away from everyone. And once they found out that he could find other mutants his life would be spent as a bloodhound of sorts hunting out his own kind. A part of me wanted to just give in and say that he was right, but every experience I had ever had of being different showed me just how wrong he was. I didn't intend to repeat that.

We exchanged heated words and declarations about what we were going to do. I couldn't stand looking at him anymore, his face was blank and unreadable. For a moment I was reminded of my mother as she scolded me for fighting with some of the neighborhood children. What would she want me to do? I stormed over to the windows. It had grown dark outside and the woods near the mansion had obscured most of the stars. Everything was black except for brief flashes of light as tree limbs moved in the wind. Then it struck me that this might be the last time that I saw any of it. Did I really want to spend it fighting with him? I closed my eyes and tried to breathe in and out, in and out, until the rage subsided.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I said finally, turning to face him. He was still looking at me, but his features had softened. I wondered if he had felt my emotions and decided to pretend nothing had happened.

"It's okay, I don't really want to talk about it either." He managed a weak smile. "Just remember that you have to live with whatever you choose." I nodded. There wasn't really anything left to say.

I slid back into my chair and we picked up the game where we had left off. For a time there was no sound except the click of wood on wood as the pieces marched across the chessboard. Then the clock on the mantelpiece struck midnight. Each strike of the chime echoed in the room, counting down the hours until we had to leave. Charles set down the piece he was about to move and met my eyes. They seemed to be intensely blue in the fire light. It seemed like he wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come. For a moment I thought I felt something in the back of my mind but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

"Charles?" I asked. His eyes met mine and I caught a brief glimpse of the blissful quiet I had experienced before. My skin trembled as his hand slid over mine on the chess board. He stroked it gently. The hairs on my arm stood up, my eyes slowly closed. I almost moaned as his hand left mine. When I opened my eyes again, he was kneeling on the floor in front of me and looking up at me expectantly. "I. . . I didn't think that you really felt that way about me." I couldn't remember the last time anyone had acted this way regarding me. Maybe it had been the waitress at a street side caf� who wanted to know why I showed up every morning at the same time to watch people going in to work. She hadn't lasted long. There had never been anything serious, only brief dalliances, small sparks of light in the gloom. Sure he and I had messed around, but I suppose I never stayed around long enough to see if he actually meant it.

He laughed, putting his hands on my thighs and pushing himself up to eye level. "Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't anyone? We could die tomorrow, this kind of thing sort of seemed natural. A last . . . ," his lips ghosted over mine, "hurrah." Our lips met and I let myself lose control. He was right, why shouldn't I do this? All of our hard work was either going to pay off tomorrow or we were all going to die. I was sure I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight anyway, why not spend it with someone that I considered a friend. Maybe it could turn into something more.

My hands moved up his back and pulled him down between my legs. His tongue slipped between my lips and met mine. We sat like that for a while, tongues sliding over each other, hands roaming everywhere they could reach. My senses became heightened. I could feel every piece of metal in the room. I was always aware of the metal around me, but almost never to this extent. Unless I was with him.

He stopped kissing my lips and went for my neck. There was a huge clatter as all of the metal in the room shifted. I moaned. Charles was nibbling at my pulse which was beginning to flutter uncontrollably. I tried to slip my hands underneath his shirt and only got a little way before he made me stop.

"Not here, "he whispered hoarsely in between desperate kisses. "My room." He opened his eyes briefly and glanced at the clock. "In half an hour." And then he was gone.

I had to sit in the chair for a few moments longer, breathing slowly and deeply in a vain attempt to calm down enough to take him up on that offer. I couldn't stay here, I was liable to go crazy waiting to go to him. I decided to go back to my room.

~~~~~~~~~

Raven was naked and in my bed when I returned to my room. I tried to not act like it was surprising. She appeared to be desperate for any kind of positive attention she could get. It looked like she had been crying recently but had tried to clean up the best she could. I wondered what had happened with Hank. Anytime I saw them together it seemed like they were on the verge of admitting they had feelings for each other.

I cast a cursory glance at the bed and then walked to the window. Perhaps if she hadn't looked like she was a teenager I might have taken a second glance. I knew she was much older than she appeared, if what Charles had said was true. She seemed to be stuck in some sort of perpetual adolescence.

"Raven, I'm going to bed. I'd really appreciate it if you left." I tried to be firm so she wouldn't try to argue. I turned to look at her. In her human disguise she was mildly attractive but at the moment Charles was the one on my mind. She was trying to look as sexy as possible, but it looked awkward and out of place. "Shouldn't you be with Hank?"

She glared at me, her eyes turning yellow and flecked with gold. "He didn't appreciate me the way that I thought he did."

I laughed softly. "And you think I would? Maybe in a few years, if I knew you a lot better."

She shifted, her features moving and changing. Her form was older, more mature. "I can be older," she whispered, her voice husky. She trailed her hand down her side. I stopped watching as it slipped down her thigh. "Or would you rather I was him?" And then she was Charles staring at me with bald lust. She looked exactly like him, right down to the freckles on his nose. The eyes she had kept yellow though, instead of his piercing blue. She smirked. "I knew it." I didn't think I'd betrayed myself, but she must have been looking for any kind of sign she could get.

"You knew what?"

"You two thought you were being so careful, but I've known Charles almost forever. He's been so happy since he met you. He hasn't acted like that before except the day after picking up a cocktail waitress." It was disconcerting to hear her say that with his voice. She let the sheet fall a little. I tried to keep myself from looking.

"That doesn't mean we. . ."

"I saw you that night heading back to your room. Maybe you were wrestling and that's why your clothes were all messed up." She rolled her eyes. "We both know that's not true."

"I'd like it if you'd leave. I don't want to hear about what you think you saw." I tried to keep the anger out of my voice. If I was calm she would leave and then I could go and meet Charles. Her robe was folded up on the windowsill. I grabbed it and held it out to her. She didn't take it. Instead she picked up a corner of the sheet and started pulling out the seam. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I'm happy for him. He never seemed like he'd ever find someone that he'd trust as much as me, that he'd love as much." She wiped at her eyes. "I thought I'd found that with Hank, that he loved me for what I am, faults and all, but he wants me to be normal, to look normal." She shook her head. "And I can't do that. I might want to, but this is me." She shifted to her true form, blue skin and scales slowly replacing white flesh. "You always said I was beautiful like this. I thought maybe you'd be interested in me. Instead you like Charles." This was accompanied by an accusatory glance.

I hadn't realized that I was raising her hopes like that. It certainly wasn't my intention. "That's not a reflection on you Raven." I slid onto the bed next to her. "Just because I'm not attracted to you doesn't mean no one else will be." For a moment I allowed myself to be angry with Hank for stringing her along and raising her hopes before cruelly dashing them. She didn't deserve that kind of kindness.

Before I realized I was doing it I leaned over and kissed her, putting my hand on her cheek. Her skin felt different than Charles', it was somewhat rough, almost like sharkskin. She leaned in to the kiss, obviously hoping for more but I didn't oblige. I didn't want to get her hopes up. After a brief pat on her shoulder I pulled away.

I handed her her robe and she left my room in her natural form. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. There had probably been a better way to handle that situation but at least she wasn't angry with me. The last thing we needed was to be fighting amongst ourselves when we found Shaw. I had no doubt that he'd pick that out and tear us apart.

I went in the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I had waited long enough, now it was time to go to Charles and see whether or not he actually wanted to do anything with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knocked on his door softly, hoping that only he would hear it. I wasn't sure where everyone else's rooms were and I definitely didn't want them to see both of us together like this. Having Raven know about us was enough. Charles opened the door and met my questioning glance with a smile. "I'm so glad you decided to come. I wasn't sure that you would." In fact I still wasn't sure but I closed the door behind me anyway.

His room was a decent size but small for a mansion's bedroom. It was almost a child's room. It had probably been his room when he was younger and he hadn't had the heart to move. Posters and drawings of human anatomy and the planets were glued on the walls, along with drawings of natural phenomena. A few photographs sat on the night stand next to his bed. There was one of Einstein, then there were a few photographs of him and Raven, none of his parents. The remaining space was full of bookshelves; all filled to the brim with scientific works and literature. The fireplace was empty and didn't look like it had been used in quite some time. His bed at least was a generous size, though it appeared giant in the room. I wondered why he hadn't moved to one of the larger suites.

I stood awkwardly by the door. It wasn't too late to make my excuses and leave, but that would have been cruel. And I knew that I wanted this. He offered me a drink and sat down awkwardly at the foot of his bed. "This . . . I wasn't sure what would happen if you came." He gave me a rueful smile. "I wasn't sure if you'd be up for it."

I moved closer. "You didn't read my mind?"

Charles shook his head. "Contrary to what you think, I try not to unless I have to. I would go crazy very quickly if I didn't." He looked everywhere except at me. I had to stop that.

I leaned over and took his glass and put it on an empty space on the night stand. Shock passed over his face but he soon gained control of himself. He grabbed my arms and pulled me down on top of him. Our mouths collided and I felt an almost electric current flow through my body and pool at my groin. I moaned into his mouth. His hands pushed under my belt and met my flesh. His fingertips ghosted over my cock. Instantly I was hard, instantly I wanted him. "Charles," I heard myself say as if I wasn't in control over my own body. The thought occurred that maybe he was using his powers to control me, to make me want to do this, but from what I had learned from my friendship with him I knew he wouldn't have. Not here. He still had some common sense of decency.

"Erik," he whispered. Hastily he pulled my belt loose and started trying to pull down my pants. I nibbled at his neck, my hands slipping into the divide between his shirt and his skin. He gasped. I could barely breathe, the feel of his touch was too much. It was as if I was underwater again and the desire I felt for him was stopping my lungs from functioning.

I broke off from kissing him and tore off my shirt. He took advantage of the pause to take his own shirt off. When he began to take his pants and underwear off my hands covered his and I kissed down his abdomen as he peeled off his clothes. His cock was hard and dripping with precum. As I licked the tip he moaned, his voice going much deeper than I thought possible. Everything dissolved into a flurry of action as I took off the rest of my clothes. I stood in front of the bed as hard and ready as he was.

We were both naked and suddenly it became a bit awkward. Charles' skin was pale and freckled in spots that had caught the sun. His musculature was there, but not very defined. He looked to be the not terribly physically active professor that he had become. I felt his gaze on me as well. For once someone wasn't looking at the numbers tattooed on my arm, they were looking at me and he didn't look afraid or intimidated. He didn't look like he wanted to hurt me. I hadn't felt that safety in so long. He stepped closer and touched my arm. I shivered as his fingertips ghosted up towards my shoulder and then he pulled me towards his body. Our cocks collided and I hissed. I felt his lips at my throat. All I could do was grab hold of him and lose myself in the feel of his skin on mine, the texture of his throat against my lips. It seemed like we had just begun to kiss each other when he pulled away and laid down on the bed.

I climbed back onto the bed and he moaned until I was on top of him. Our flesh met again and I almost came right then. Charles was twisting in his own private agony of pleasure. His eyes opened and caught mine. He smiled slightly.

Suddenly I could feel what he felt. I could hear his thoughts. It was all I could do to keep touching him, my mind was so confused. I grunted as he traded positions with me and sat between my legs. He grabbed my cock hard enough to make me gasp and then trailed his fingers lower. My eyes rolled back into my head as he inserted one finger. It hit some place inside of me that I'd never felt before. He reached for something on the night stand. I didn't know what until I felt another finger enter, a finger coated with some kind of lubricant. And each movement of his fingers was another step toward complete bliss. I could feel the metal in his picture frames and his watch shaking on the night stand as he worked up to three, then four fingers. My hands-I had no control over them as they clenched and unclenched in the sheets.

Finally he removed his fingers and made ready to replace them with his cock. He knelt down and whispered into my ear, "You should try to relax." I tried to obey, tried to let down the barriers that I had built up over the years. Kisses trailed down my chest, his tongue circled my nipples, then he thrust into me. My mind and his were connected again, I could feel him entering me and I could feel what he felt. The sensation was overwhelming. I groaned, thrashing side to side. Charles was moaning, I think he was lost in it too. Our foreheads touched, our mouths tangled together. We stayed like that for a moment on the precipice of ecstasy. Then he moved. The pleasure did too. Each stroke was faster than the last as he settled into a comfortable rhythm. I couldn't control my power anymore and the metal spun throughout the room.

I could feel everything he felt and he could feel everything I could. He placed his hand on my cock and started to stroke it. The feeling, I thought I would go insane.

"Erik," he moaned into my mouth. I was beyond the ability for speech. The pleasure built and built until it spilled over and I came screaming in his hand. He came at almost the same time, his warmth spreading inside me. We stayed connected a few moments longer and then he finally pulled out and away. The connection between us severed and I was alone in my head again. He slumped down next to me. It took a while for me to catch my breath.
"Is it always like that?" I asked in between panting.

He laughed. "No . . . no, usually I keep it all to myself" There was a brief pause and he turned away for a moment. "I guess it just seemed like I could share that with you. You've shared so much with me."

We laid there for a while trying to calm down. When I looked up at the ceiling I noticed that he had taped paper cutouts of the constellations across the room. I finally rolled over and started to get out of the bed. He touched my arm. "Are you going to run away again?"

"If I stay someone will find out. Raven already knows," I said. It didn't matter to me personally if everyone else knew, but Charles deserved his input on whether or not he wanted our relationship to be known as more than a friendship.

"When did you talk to Raven?"

"I went back to my room tonight. She was in my bed."

He coughed. "Raven was what?!"

"Hank had upset her and she tried to seduce me." I sighed. "I rebuffed her, but I don't know if she was satisfied with that." Her face beamed out at me from Charles' pictures. I felt almost guilty. With a flick of my hand I gently turned the pictures face down.

"She tried to do the same with me in the kitchen, though apparently not as seriously." He rubbed at his eyes with his hands. "I'm not sure that this is the right place for her anymore. She's not happy here. I don't know where she could go though." He put his hand on my leg. "We don't have to talk about this now. Please, just stay for a couple of hours. I'll set the alarm clock."

The idea was appealing. If we were all going to die tomorrow it would be somewhat fitting to spend my last night with him. He had saved me from my last near death experience after all. I waited a moment and then nodded. We lost ourselves in each other.
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Dichotomy