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What Should I Have Said?	By : CanAm77 Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Punisher Views: 1696 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or make any money off of The Punisher, Frank Castle, Daredevil, Matt Murdock, The Avengers or any Mavel product or this story.

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Frank’s normally awful mood was down right horrible, even for him. He was utterly mad at himself. The ‘relationship’ he shared with Matt was perfect. They had both been able to continue seeing each other without it effecting their work. Never once did emotions or attachment change their ethics, or what side they were on.

But, here he was, forced to deal with his own stupidity. Matt hadn’t said anything, but he knew Matt heard him. Matt’s body had gone rigid for a moment. He figured Matt was going to bolt, but then he softened against him. Kissing him and nuzzling him like Matt normally did after they were spent.

Now, here he was pining over what happened. Everything felt normal afterwards. Matt’s long fingers tracing his face, seeing him in his own way. Nothing was said and he didn’t know if that meant Matt felt the same or didn’t. Which he couldn’t even say which one scared him more.

And he hated himself for putting them in this situation. Did he even feel anything for Matt? Was he actually in love with him? He truly didn’t believe that he could fall in love again. But, just thinking about this man made his heart ache.

Sex didn’t equal love. Yet, he couldn’t remember ever longing to see someone unravel, like he did with Matt. The way Matt’s body would arch under his, the way his lower lip trembled before he would climax, or how good his name sounded on Matt’s tongue.

He longed for the time they spent afterwards, laying entwined. Running his fingers through Matt’s soft hair, trailing them down his smooth skin. Matt’s flushed cheeks and smile were enough to make his heart melt.

He knew all the scents and sounds that Matt didn’t like. He went the extra mile to make sure his place was comfortable for Matt’s heightened senses. Hell, he knew right down to Matt’s favorite, cleaning products, shampoo, soap, and deodorant. And even though Matt was only with him a half dozen times at most a year, that was all he ever used. Just in case.

Would it change anything if he admitted he had feelings for Matt? He had a mission, and that didn’t include giving his heart away. His heart was supposed to be broken beyond repair, not waiting for the man who donned horns nearly every night to take it.

Matt did this thing that drove him crazy if they were ever teamed up or fighting and everyone had cleared out after the situation was over. He would pull his cowl back, and tilt his face up towards him, opening his milky blue eyes. His hair would be plastered around his face and a sly grin teasing the corners of his mouth. All he would say is, “Hi.” And Matt wouldn’t move, because he knew Frank would be all over him, hands under his costume, mouth on every bit of exposed flesh.

He wanted Matt with him. And that was a liability. He wasn’t going to lie to himself anymore. He was in love with Matt. If his life had taught him anything, it was that relationships, even friendships, with him got the people he cared for hurt and killed.

He couldn’t afford to have Matt hurt because of him. He couldn’t do this anymore. This had to stop.

***

Matt had sat outside in the cold so long that his fingers felt frozen. But, it didn’t matter. He had analyzed the situation over and over again. And he kept coming back to the same conclusion. He was hopelessly in love with Frank. And he wasn’t quite sure why he hadn’t realized it before.

He longed for the time they spent together, his heart beat hitched when anyone mentioning The Punisher or Frank Castle. Any why shouldn’t he? When it came to just the two of them, life was easy. Frank had become this constant in his life that he looked forward to.

He just needed to find a way to tell Frank just how much he cared for him. He wanted Frank in his life more, and not just for sex. He just wanted someone who would be there for him. He was utterly lonely.

When he thought about it, there wasn’t one person he wanted to fill that void more than Frank. And yeah, that was a long stretch, domesticating The Punisher. But, he knew deep down Frank was just as lonely and miserable as he was. And why shouldn’t they be able to find solace with one another? He wasn’t planning on changing Frank. He wasn’t foolish enough to hope for that. He just wanted to be able to wake more often then not with his head on Frank’s chest.

He knew he didn’t see Frank often, but he was going to scratch together every ounce of courage he had and bare his soul to Frank the next time they were together.

***

Frank woke up and groaned, his face buried in his pillow. Which still smelled exactly like Matt from last night’s encounter. Crisp and clean, without any harsh fake scents. He didn’t know how he was going to accomplish severing ties with Matt.

He figured he would have to avoid any and all contact. Eventually he would have to face him, but with time it would get easier. And really as much as it hurt him, Matt was safer, better off without him. He was no prize, he knew that. He added unneeded risk. Hell, there was no way Matt actually felt anything for him anyways. He was foolish to allow their relationship to continue to this point. He should have known better. Matt meant more to him then anyone, and he deserved someone much better than himself.
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What Should I Have Said?