Trickster's Gambit | By : Andartha Category: Marvel Verse Movies > Avengers, The Views: 2529 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers. They belong to Marvel. Like all the other fans, I only get to play with them a bit, in an entirley non-profit kind of way. |
Fury's comment on his failure is mercifully brief.
The increased scrutiny he's subject to afterwards lasts hellishly long. It's almost half a year before they allow him to do so much as sleep unsupervised. It's another half year before he gets his first solo mission again. He grinds his teeth, blood boiling at the loss of confidence he's suffered due to the trickster's interference...and bears it. It's not like he has much of a choice. In the quieter moments he examines and re-examines his memories, trying to unlock the riddle Loki left him with. It's not like he can keep the memories from coming back to haunt him anyway, so he might as well make use of them, for whatever they're worth. The shrinks he's still obliged to see have told him to not to close himself off from remembering. As if he needs to be told. Lying to yourself is fucking dangerous. It creates blind spots, niches where an enemy can dig in and break you up from within. As the old adage holds: "Know your enemies and know yourself and you can win a hundred battles without a single loss. If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself". Even as the blue light seeped beneath his skin, its’ touch oddly soothing, he knew perfectly well which part of him allowed Loki to subvert him. There’s a reason why Loki turned him, rather than, say, old Nick himself. Fury doesn’t bow to anybody. Oh, their commander-in-chief does tactical retreat all right. But in the end, the old bastard has everybody dancing to his tune. Unlike his agent, Fury would never have found himself entangled in Silvertongue’s honeyed web. At least not for long. All good liars know about mixing just enough truth with their deceptions so that their victims will swallow their sweet poisons willingly. And Loki can lie with the best of them. Honesty with himself is a bitter antidote, but one he started taking while he was still in his teens, and its’ continued administration helps take some of the sting out of the Lie-smiths’ barbs. That he was born to serve is old news. He realized for the first time the moment he signed up for SHIELD, got his first set of orders… and it felt like coming home. He needs orders like an arrow needs fletching. His burning need to fly true, guided by the hand that lets him loose, is part of what makes him such an excellent soldier. How did Loki put it? “You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.” By his skill and his devotion, he has earned the right to kneel with an insolent grin, his head held high and with his weapons at his side…. ….but in the end, he will kneel. The question only is: to whom? He knows his own value and he has never been one to sell himself short. Up until now, has always decided on WHICH purpose to serve, which lord to bend his knee too. And he has picked only those that he deemed worthy of his unwavering allegiance, of his loyalty. Loki took that away. Loki stole Hawkeyes’ allegiance for himself, with the speed and dexterity of a good pick-pocket and then proceeded to plunder his heart and his mind. There are still pieces missing….and he’s not sure if he ever will be whole again. And yet, there are moments where he craves Loki’s presence with the wild desperation of a recovering alcoholic that craves a glass of whiskey. Just one sip. Just one mind-touch. Just once more the high of reveling in the knowledge of his master’s exact desire. Not feeling even an ounce of doubt. Not questioning his orders even for the breadth of a moment. And afterwards, feeling the bone-deep satisfaction of his master flood his system when he delivers above and beyond expectations. Fury’s “Well done, Agent” somehow just doesn’t measure up by comparison. Tony’s “Hell YEAH!!! Right in the kisser! Well done Locksley!” over the comm? Steve’s appreciative nod in his direction? Banner whistling admiringly under his breath? Natascha quirking her eyebrow at him, one of those little mad-dash smiles playing around her lips that shows him that they’re ready to take on the world? They DO make him feel warm inside. They make him stand up straight, because they reassure him that he’s part of some higher purpose. That he’s doing the right thing. They see to it that in the mornings, he can look himself in the eye in the mirror without flinching. They’re still only a pale shadow compared to the shining glory of basking in the heat of Loki’s approval. But if a stupid alcoholic can manage to survive without the drug of his choice, then so can he.While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. 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