It took them three more days until Tony finally felt it safe enough for them to move upstairs.
He had finished eliminating the last remnants of Fury's paranoia two days ago, but you could never be sure enough when it came to the tricky old pirate.
It was nice to be back, everyone agreed. Even though Hawkeye and the Widow hadn't spent that much time at Stark's humble abode, they appreciated the luxuries the place offered, such as running hot water and seemingly never-ending food supply.
They could have had that before, but unlike Tony, the two of them had never quite gotten used to the indescribable sensation of over-dimensional travel and hadn't liked taking it for food or a shower, when they would leave the other end drenched in sweat and threatening to lose the contents of their stomachs anyway. Now they had everything they needed and more, could hang out in the big lounge on one of the top floors and have all of Manhattan sprawled at their feet, instead of struggling in the gutter, hiding away in that god-awful cinema. It had been great for a while, it certainly had had style. But for now they appreciated beds that weren't made from broken cinema seats and an actual kitchen and JARVIS' services at their disposal. At first everyone had been a little anxious to truly appreciate the huge window front, but after some time they had gotten comfortable with it and believed Tony, when he assured them of the special fiber woven into the glass that reflected every attempt to look inside. Surely Fury had snipers and whatnot stationed at the surrounding buildings, but as soon as no one was as stupid as to enter the landing place and the balcony, they would be alright. Tony and Loki had gotten to work the second they had moved up again. The shield had lain in the workshop, waiting to be used, and they finally intended to do just that.
They had to redo almost all of the old circuits and rebuild the whole construct to accommodate the plump form of the Vindicator's Hand, but when they had, it was a thing of beauty.
Fine traces of energy ran through the hand-shaped metal plate, each fingertip an anchor point in the delicate lay lines that connected the Tesseract with the surrounding machinery.
This is how it was meant to be, Tony couldn't help but think. After all, Tesseract and Vindicator's Hand were both of Asgardian descent.
He couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of the misshapen lump of iridium that Selvig had used. This was the real deal, this was how it was meant to be done.
It excited him, a feeling almost as strong as the first time he had worn the completed suit. The mark two, mind you. The very first time was still laced with blood, sweat and a friend's death. He could not see the triumph in that particular accomplishment. Now that they had the Tesseract's connection to the harness stabilized Tony leaned back and sighed in mock exhaustion. "Did it, didn't we." Loki just threw him a look that clearly said 'Don't be ridiculous now, Anthony.' "Yeah, yeah.. what do we do next then? Anything else we need?" "Yes, there is something. We have all these circuits, but I highly doubt they'll hold if she decides to release her energy through them. We might need something stronger to cover them up, contain the energy from leaking out." "What are we looking for here? We have iridium for heat resistance." "No, this is not about heat at all. Energy generates heat, but pure energy in itself is raw power. We need strong matter to withstand that power, keep it running the way it is supposed to. Adamantium, you Midgardians call it." Tony sucked in his breath. That will be fun. "So... Unless we try to catch Wolverine or Cap I don't see how we can get our hands on that so easily. Let alone handle it, that stuff is a bitch to work with, you know?" Loki just smiled at that. A knowing smile that made Tony more than uneasy. "Well, from those two, which one is more likely to be caught? By us? And off of whom can we easily get the adamantium needed? I do not believe extracting bones or stealing claws will be such a good idea. We do not need much, just a couple of flakes. The layer can be thin." This was not good. This was not good at all. "Loki, after all I've done... I really don't want to catch the guy and steal his shield for our little.. harness here." A spark of rage flashed in the god's eyes, disappeared as quickly as it had come. "See, Tony.", his voice was calm, considerate, "You said that we might need to get Rogers and... my brother on our side if we wanted to escape the dilemma Fury has put us in. This might just be our chance to do so! He is the most righteous person I have ever seen. More so, than Thor himself. If we found footage of what Fury did to you, surely that would sway him? We don't need to destroy his shield, we just need to grate a little off of it. I would rather he let us do it, than to take his precious weapon from him, too." Tony sighed in defeat. "I don't like this, but if it can't be helped we have no choice, I guess. I'll go talk to the others." He made a point in repeating the words Loki had said syllable for syllable. The man was not known as Silvertongue for nothing and his reasoning had made sense.
Clint and Natasha liked it as little as he himself had, but they could not argue that they were practically killing two spangly birds with one stone.
Tony could not help but think of two majestic bald eagles and what sort of stone would be needed to kill them with one strike. His mind took weird courses sometimes. It was decided, then, that they would kidnap Steve, after Tony had nearly killed him, and were going to try and convince him to change sides.
Tony had also, heavy-heartedly, shared Loki's idea of using torture-footage to show him the extent of Fury's manipulative mind. Natasha argued, that he would not believe them it was real. Steve knew of Tony's proficiency with digital media, his own lack thereof in stark contrast to it, and then Loki's control of minds, he might just think he was being manipulated all over again.
Tony could not help but see her point, maybe it was better if they just talked to him. Something the man could work with, it would be up to him to distinguish lie from truth, rather than push him towards truth, that he might suspect is manipulation. Why was the man so complicated?
Well, they could not blame him. The issue of capturing him was not that much of a deal, actually. When Tony had eliminated the trojans he had gotten an excellent insight into the workings of Nick Fury's system, including the frequency he operated on.
It took them some more hours to figure out what to do with that knowledge and as the first lights went on and dusk fell over the ever-shining city they had their loophole, they knew exactly how to access their comm-system without being detected. Now when to use it?
They listened in for some time, it was a mess, really. Where back then efficient back-and-forth communication between Hawk, Widow and Iron Man could be heard there were now loads of misunderstanding, mistrust regarding the outlandish Midgardian technology and an overall inability to communicate important information.
Steve had gotten over his initial problems and was doing quite fine, his military background surely helping him a great deal, but Thor was a mess. After they had listened in a while a plan had been formed.
The original idea had been to intercept and alter information to lure Steve to a certain position, as it turned out that was not necessary. He would be nearby in less than an hour, looking for them, of course. The usual patrol. Clint and Natasha were the ones to bring him in. They packed for the occasion, tranquilizer darts and the like. Tony saw Natasha slipping a first-aid kit aswell. As he inquired as to what that was supposed to be used on, he wished he hadn't.
Like herself Steve had been tagged by S.H.I.E.L.D and they intended to remove the tracer on the spot, before taking him in.
That was not going to be pretty.
As little trouble as he usually had with blood and gore, piercing holes into people did not sit well with him, so he just nodded and smiled and removed himself from the environment, stealthily so. It was only half an hour later that the two came back, unconscious Steve dragged along in between them.
Well fuck that, Tony thought and he reluctantly urged Loki on to finish him quickly, as he heard the voices of the two stating their success over the comm, which was luckily muted on their side.
He liked to think he looked only half as disheveled as he felt, his look in these last few days being one of a genius at work anyway, but Natasha's look suggested otherwise.
'We know what you did and we disapprove of it' that look said. "We are out there risking our life, and you...", Clint complained. "Stop whining, you did fine.. We were following your progress over the comm anyway." "You were listening to our updates on the mission while you were having sex? No, not disturbing at all." "It's not like we got off on your voice. Besides, you barely said anything! Don't flatter yourself." They resumed their minor quarreling as Tony helped them bring Steve in the cell specifically designed for the super soldier.
He did have a holding cell in his basement, but he'd rather have their prisoner up here where they could monitor him directly.
The man still looked worn. The bruises had all faded, as expected from someone of his status, but something about his face looked tired, strained. Tony bet Fury wouldn't let him rest the way he should, with them on the loose and unaccounted for and all. They decided to divide the guard duty into shifts, someone should be there to defuse the situation when the Captain woke.
The human part of their group silently hoped it would not be Loki, that might turn ugly before it started. It turned out to be the second-worse option available.
Tony had just settled on the slightly too comfortable armchair they had pushed up against the wall opposite of the cell door, made of a similar matter Loki's, or rather Hulk's cell had been made of back in the helicarrier. Using the see-through material had reminded Tony of the short amount of time he had been part of the Avengers and it stung, to see them so driven apart now.
He had never been a friend to Steve, no matter what the guy had claimed on TV, the little time they had known they had spent fighting. Still, he felt guilty, and that might not make him the ideal man for the job at hand.
Or maybe it did? He'd have to wait and see and most importantly: Keep his mouth shut. When their prisoner stirred Tony had been ready to pass out, the last nights had not provided much sleep and the coffee he was downing like water did not have the effect he had wished for.
As the stars-and-stripes-clad body jerked awake, however, so did he, his gaze wary in face of the other man's panicked stare. "Steve, listen to me. You are safe.", it was hard to keep his voice calm, collected, when all he felt himself was fear and an unhealthy deal of giddiness thanks to the caffeine in his system.
Steve would not listen.
He jumped up, the blanket they had lain over him sliding to the floor. His face contorted at the sudden movement and he immediately gripped at his arm. "Steve, I am so sorry, please believe me. Do you need anything? Pain killers, maybe? A sling for your arm?" A look of pure hatred was thrown his way, so unusual and all the more hurtful on the handsome face of the super-hero in front of him, as he stalked towards the transparent cell door and banged his healthy fist against it. "Ready to finish the job?" It hurt. "I never meant for you to get hurt, I got caught up in the moment. Please, you have to listen to me!" He had to be honest, would the other let him, he would not know where to start. "I will hear nothing of what you might have to say. All those lies that freak is spitting in your ear, I will hear none of it." "Leave him out of this, all this was my decision, and if you'd just listen, I could tell you. Fury is manipulating you, he is not telling you everything!" "Oh, sure. Fury is the bad guy, the man that fought off two villainous organisations at once, while your people broke into the helicarrier to free you. Do you have any idea how many men died in those attacks? Maybe not by your hand, but you started these attacks, we know it. We found traces of... data and communications. That blood is on your hands, Stark!" Tony flinched at that. Sure, Natasha and Clint had devised that diversion to free him, he had not thought about the price, not once. He had been too glad to be free. "I can't shower.", he said instead and succeeded in shutting Steve up momentarily. "What...? Stop these games, whatever this is." "No, not a game. Truth. I can't sleep that much either. I have nightmares, horrible nightmares. I can't even-" no, he would not tell him about this. "What are you talking about?" "Torture, Steve.", he broke eye contact, he could not.. "Please, hear me out. When Fury held me prison, the things he did to get me to tell him where Loki was, where the Tesseract might be. It was torture, all sorts of it. Sleep-deprivation, sense-stimulation, even... water."
He had to swallow hard, try to control his breathing that had sped up at the mere thought. He stumbled backwards and sat, which was not a smart move either, he half expected the blaring of an alarm to go off and winced, eyes shut tightly.
"Fuck."
He covered his face with both hands and bent over, waiting for it to pass.
He was not going to let this defeat him, not again. "When,", damn his voice sounded weak, shaky, "When they came to pick me up I was a vegetable. I was completely done for and they took me back, nursed me back to health. Loki helped me a lot. So... No, I do not know how many people got hurt in that attack. All I know is that I was freed in it and taken back to people who care for me."
He had to breathe, in, out, in, out.
"We are no villains here. You know that Fury built weapons with the Tesseract. What you do not know, is how little the guy himself knows of the cube. He destroyed his own base because he could not understand the power that came with it. Those 80 people killed in two days? Those were mainly S.H.I.E.L.D agents buried in the rubble of the accident Fury brought upon himself by his carelessness. You are not stupid Steve, stop believing in the guy." Steve snorted, but Tony could see his brain working behind those baby blues of his. "You'd rather have me believe in Loki then? The one they call liesmith? His own brother warned you not to trust him, and still you help him achieve power. That doesn't sound wrong to you?" "Yeah, I trust him. He was out of it when he came through the portal, he admitted that himself. You have never really met him." "Oh, I've met him. Before the Chitauri hit? Remember? Not someone I would put my trust in, if you ask me." "Oh please, you have all been tip-toeing around him like he was some sort of monster. I know him!" Did he? "Yes, we have seen that. After you fell. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved to see you alive, but-" "Ah, right... that. Listen, we had... sort of... given each other comfort, before the Chitauri attack. I guess you could call it that. We grew close. And we still are! He's a good man." Another snort, this one seemed whole-hearted, the previous issues all but forgotten, Tony couldn't help but notice. "Yeah, so... Torture. How do you stand on that?" Steve fidgeted at that. "You have always had your way with words. I-" "-What. You don't believe me? We could probably show you the footage, but you wouldn't believe that either, because my evil technology could have faked it, right?" It was hard to keep this calm and collected at this point. "That man had me driven to the brink of insanity. And beyond it, in fact. You believe what you want, but do you really want to work for a man like that?" He turned to leave, his mind could not handle this any longer. "Oh, yeah... right... Not one fucking soul was hurt when we came for the shield. Fury lied to you about that. You and Thor were the only ones I attacked with full power." Steve looked at him with sad eyes, screw those eyes... "You made sure no one got hurt. What about Loki? Where you with him the whole time?" Tony tensed visibly. "I trust him, he would never hurt anyone if I asked him not to." Nope, this was definitely getting over his head right now. "Steve, trust us or don't, but we can't let you run back to him. We are not the bad guys and we won't have him treat us as such, not after everything he's done." "Tony-" "Good night." And with this he left. Sleep found him quickly and soon he was back in the all too well-known realm of nightmares that had haunted him since the day he'd returned home.
Home. That place, where Loki was.
When he got up the next morning, head buzzing from the unusually long period of sleep he had had, the space next to him was empty.
He let his hand fall onto the blank spot, it was cold. He did not like that, he concluded. He'd rather have Loki to wake up next to, but a glance at his clock told him, that the god, and everyone else for that matter, was probably awake for hours.
It was when he left the shower, he had been drenched in sweat when he awoke, that he heard something shatter in the lounge.
Great, whatever it was they had managed to destroy this time.
Then the screaming started and he threw on some clothes to join the fight, wondering, what it might be about.
Somehow he already suspected what might be the cause of all the commotion.
What he found was Loki, a glib smile on his otherwise emotionless face, and before him Natasha, who screamed and pointed and accused.
This was too early for Tony to process high-pitched rants, so he opted to interfere and get Natasha to calm down first, then talk second. Slowly, and to him. Because Loki did not look like he gave a shit anyway. "So, Tony, care to tell me why you first abandoned your post and second, told me that we should let Loki take a shift because he was going to be alright? You vouched for him to behave! Well, he did not!" Headache. Already. Tony groaned and went to fetch himself a glass of whisky, but Loki got hold of his waistband and pulled him back. "You drink too much, I do not like it." Was he that obvious? With another groan he let himself drop on the armrest next to Loki, his gaze fixed on the indifferent god that had now slung a protective arm around his waist. "I'm afraid to ask. What did you do." "He would not believe you, as I have said. So I showed him." "Showed him what, exactly?" "What Fury did to you. From your perspective. It is hard to dismiss a truth if it is presented so vividly." Tony felt a chill run down his spine as the realisation hit. This could not be. "You made him relive my torture?! Are you insane?!" "I only meant to-" "I don't care! And why would you think he would rather believe your mind games if my word and video footage would mean nothing?" "Because it is no mere mind game. It is memory and that can not be faked. I do not expect him to be able to understand that, but a mortal can feel if it is a genuine memory or not." Natasha stepped in. "Now would you mind telling him how we found you?" Loki flinched at that. "I know what it looked like, but all I did was to-" "We found you standing in front of his cell, hand stretched out and directed at Steve, who lay screaming and kicking on the floor. You are intelligent. Tell me, how that is not the same thing Fury did to Tony. Relived or not." "He wouldn't have believed you, he had to live it! He will not suffer the same consequences Tony did. For him it was just a window he could look through. Horrible, but without further impact on his life. It was the only way to-" "Oh, shut the hell up, will you? You tortured him. That's what you did. And all that after you cooed Tony to sleep night after night." Tony winced at that, he did not like to be reminded of his own weakness. He knew that they knew, but to hear it spoken was a different matter entirely. "I said it does not have the same impact! What would you have done? You would have never swayed him." "Then so be it! If he couldn't be swayed, which I doubt, we would have kept him locked up! Maybe, if we had him living here with us, he might have believed us that we are still the good guys. But looking at you, I begin to doubt that myself!" Loki opened his mouth to reply, but Natasha had already turned and left, Clint hot on her heels. Tony did not know what to say. He'd liked to claim his brain was still half asleep, but he knew it to be untrue. He was simply set back again, back in this unbearable limbus, not knowing what to believe. "I really want to be on your side on this, Loki, but... please, how did you get that memory?" He was beginning to feel physically uncomfortable in the situation. He did not want it to be this way, he wanted it to be good, easy. For once in his life, why couldn't this be easy?
'Because you fell in love with the God of Chaos, darling.', his mind reminded him. That bitch. "Well, from your mind of course. I did not mean to intrude, but-" "You did not mean to intrude." "You had told me most of it anyway, all I needed was the actual memory of the event. Please don't be mad at me, I did not mean to offend." "Don't be mad... Loki! You can't just enter my mind, this.. this is not okay!" He felt tears forming and he did not know if he would have the strength to keep them from falling this time.
He felt violated. Hours after he had told Steve that he trusted the man, trusted him deeply, cared for him deeply. "How could you do that to me?" He averted his eyes, could not look at the man any longer. The grip around his waist tightened slightly, a gentle press to turn back, to look at him, but he couldn't. "I did not mean to hurt you. I care for you, I would never... I did not see the implications this might have for you. Please believe me, Tony." But Tony couldn't. He needed to get out, needed air. For a moment his mind alerted him not to go outside, Fury would be watching. But then again, Loki had just used magic. Oh fuck, Loki had just used magic. "You idiot!" He left the god with his infuriatingly innocent look of befuddlement on his face, grabbed a bottle and left for the balcony. "Do not follow me." His wish, demand, warning, whatever it was, was heeded and so Tony was left alone outside, a harsh wind tearing at his hair and a bottle pressed to his lips.
He did not care what it was, it had a decent amount of alcohol, that's what counted.
Damn this headache.
He walked a little, kicked a concrete post, made a face at the pain and took it for a welcome excuse to let the tears fall, that had pressed on his bloodshot eyes.
If this love was so precious to him, why did it fuck him up so much?
He remembered some misguided sentiment about romance hurting the more it meant or something, but he dismissed it with a deep gulp. This was seriously messed up and he had no idea how to fix it.
He did not trust Loki and he could not keep lying to himself about that. He wanted to, he really did. But the thought of the god rummaging about in his mind in search for a memory to extract, no. He couldn't do this anymore.
What he also couldn't do was deal, at this moment. And so he proceeded to kill the bottle, insanely looking forward to smashing it in thousand little pieces once he was done with its contents. Yup, he was drunk alright. He spent the better part of an hour outside, drowning his sorrows in what turned out to be pernot, as he bothered checking way into his drinking session.
Then Loki had come and dragged him in. Tony was beyond struggling at this point. He had always been an hyperactive, reckless drunk, but the drunker he got the more docile and needy he usually became.
Pernot had him at a point where he happily clung to the god that picked him up with ease, crying into his shoulder all the while. He was laid onto the bed they shared with care, though Loki's eyes and posture told of the distinct need to throw him on it. "You drink too much, I do not like it", the words, though spoken with a mask of indifference and in Loki's usual non-committed tone, had been so caring, so full of love and worry. "No, you don't get to... to... do this... Care! You don't get to care about me! Not after-" Loki silenced him with a gentle kiss, and needy dunken Tony stilled in his arms. "Sleep now, please." "No. I don't..." The rest of his surely philosophically meaningful rambling was mumbled into his beard. He did doze off quickly. _ When he awoke, he had a warm body wrapped around his and his head hurt.
A cool hand laid itself on his forehead and made it all better instantly. Magic. Damn magic. "I think I've had enough mind manipulation for now, thank you." He wriggled away from the touch and was let go, reluctantly.
He rolled around on his back to have a good look at the man who still lay by his side, head propped up on his elbow. "You know, you humans are the only beings that even begin to appreciate my magic.", he whispered, a smile on his lips. "I guess I got carried away in thinking this applied to all of magic. I apologize for that." Tony hummed some sound of acknowledgement. He did not really feel like talking, let alone talk about Loki and his powers. "I though Magic was that big Asgard thing... I mean. You learned it from someone, right?" Loki laughed, it wasn't a happy sound. "No, no... there are some magic users, true. But most look down upon it. It is said to be a deceitful way to fight, fit only for women and frail, old men and cowards. My father-" He stopped there. Tony waited a few seconds, but Loki did not look like he wanted to proceed. "Your father?", Tony prodded, for some unknown reason that talk had just turned more interesting. It wasn't everyday that Loki would share something personal, something intimate. "Ugh... I spent all my life trying to please him, but never could. Not with my golden brother beside me. Thor was always the great warrior, blissfully stupid and beloved by everyone. I-... Odin never spared me a second thought. When I found out about my true heritage I blamed his disinterest on the fact that I wasn't his true son, but I don't think it's ever that easy. I was never good enough, no matter what I did. That was the reason I... travelled the realms and ended up with the Chitauri." "Thor said you fell into the void." "Yes, he would say that.", Loki let himself sink down onto Tony, his face on the smaller man's shoulder. "It is so very unAsgardian to... let go of life. A disgrace." Loki groaned and huddled closer against Tony's chest. "No matter how many times he may claim his love for me, all he ever needed me for was to make his own light shine brighter beside my darkness. That's all my father ever needed me for. All the struggles and strains just to please my father, they were doomed from the beginning, all in vain. All of it." The bitter tone had left his voice and all that laced his desperate whisper now was sadness, hopelessness. "I didn't think it possible I might again find something to live for." He pushed himself up on his elbows to look at Tony from above, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "But I did."
Yes, I do realise that I did in fact send Tony and Loki out on the balcony before... I'm sorry, let's pretend that never happened.. they got lucky, Fury did not have Stark Tower under surveillance, because he knew them to live in the cinema, which he just couldn't enter.. so... yeah... author messed up, that's the problem with instant publishing of each chapter XDD