A New Life

Chapter 11


Erik tried to find employment, but discovered that it was harder than he could ever have imagined. At the universities they said that he lacked professional experience and stated that as a reason not to employ him.

This went on for years, and after four years of unemployment Erik wondered if he should just give up. There didn’t seem to be any possibilities for him to get a job anywhere near, and he didn’t want to go anywhere too far, since Logan didn’t want to move away from his house.

Perhaps he’d had better luck in the big cities like Toronto or Montreal, but in case he started working there, he would have to move there, and that was impossible, because he wasn’t going to leave Logan. Never. He was rather unemployed for the rest of his life and rotted away at home, but at least he’d be with his love.

How was he ever going to get professional experience if he never got employed? That was a question Erik had asked himself an unhealthy number of times. Now when he finally had the education he had dreamed of, it seemed like he wouldn’t get a chance to do anything with it. Just great!

“Do you think I should just give up?” a 34-year-old Erik asked Logan one evening after being on another unsuccessful interview.

“No!” Logan said, squeezing Erik’s shoulder. “Absolutely not! You’ll find something, in time. I’m sure you do.”

“Logan, let me be frank,” Erik said. “I am not young anymore. We kind of look the same age now. Soon everyone will wonder why I haven’t found employment anywhere at this age, and starts to think there’s some bad reason why I never get any job. But maybe there is. I can’t figure out what, though, but there has to be something. It can’t just be the lack of professional experience and bad luck!”

“Now, don’t get excited,” Logan tried. “There’s nothing wrong with you, angel. You’re very intelligent, hard-working, easy to come along with… Sooner or later someone will realize this and give you employment.”

“Well, not so far, apparently,” Erik said sullenly. “As for saying there’s nothing wrong with me… maybe they sense I am a freak.”

“You’re no freak!” Logan exclaimed. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

“I know it’s been a while, but I do remember my state eighteen years ago,” Erik replied quietly. “I haven’t done it, or even thought about it in years, but I am still the same freak now as I was then. Remember the kitchen, Logan?”

Logan didn’t answer, but he did remember it, more clearly than he wanted to admit. Recalling the scene in the kitchen 18 years ago sent icy shivers down his spine.

“You haven’t displayed any powers like that in years,” he finally said. “Maybe you… maybe you’ve lost them.”

Erik silently shook his head. “No, Logan, I have not. It’s still there. But I keep it hidden.”

“Has…anything happened lately?”

“Happened? With my powers? No. It’s just easier to keep it hidden now. I’m older, and my self-control is much better than it was then. I can still do it if I really, really want to.”

“Erik…-”

“Look at the table, and I’ll show you.”

Erik started to focus intensely on the table, and the things that were on it, trying to provoke the “flexing” in his mind, that made it possible for him to move certain objects without touching them. He kept focusing until his head felt ready to burst – he was definitely getting rusty, but…

//flex//

The metallic ashtray responded to his attempts and suddenly flew off the table in high speed, crashing into the nearest wall before falling to the floor. The ashes from Logan’s cigars spread over the floor and the ashtray itself made a dent in the wooden floor.

Logan jerked and bounced up from the sofa, looking really shocked. “What the hell… Erik! What the fuck…! Now look what you’ve done! How could you…-”

“Never mind, I’m a freak! That’s all that matters!” Erik cried before he pushed past Logan and rushed out of the living room, with tears of anger, shame and failburnburning in his eyes. He went into their bedroom, and from there into the adjacent bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Erik looked at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, with tears flowing down his pale cheeks, forming read streaks. He saw a man, soon to be middle-aged; not the beauty Logan claimed he was, though his features were distinct. Large blue eyes, skin too pale to look good, full lips, dark hair, slim build, high cheekbones… He was 34; 35 in a few months, and although he could have passed for 30 – 27 if he had a good day – he was no longer a boy.

Small, soft wrinkles and lines had started to appear around his eyes and mouth, as to remind him of his years. He would soon look older than Logan. It was hard for Erik to accept such a fact, but it was true. Logan hadn’t changed a bit since they met.

I’ll be too old for him soon, Erik thought sadly. Will he still want to bed me when I’m like 50? Hardly. Realize it, friend, you are getting old, and so far you have done nothing with your life. You are a failure. A big – no, huge – failure. How can you even look yourself in the mirror these days? Logan will leave you soon. Do you really think he’ll want you in his bed when you become an old fart, with loose wrinkled skin, grey hair and moles on your hands?

Erik tried to make the voice within him shut up, but it was just getting louder and louder, constantly telling him how worthless he was, and how dark his future looked.

At last Erik started smashing his fist into the mirror, crying and screaming indiscriminately, desperate to make the voice inside his head stop. The glass broke after a while, and sharp splinters sliced the skin of Erik’s hand, blood trickling into the washbasin and onto the floor.

Erik wrapped a towel around his aching, bleeding hand and silently walked out of the bathroom, into the dark bedroom, and lay down on the bed, fully dressed. Logan was not in bed yet. Erik was glad Logan didn’t see him like this. That would have been more than he could bear.

The voice inside his head had quietened, but that didn’t make him feel any better. His injured hand was throbbing, and he could feel the towel getting wet with his blood. Maybe some of the cuts were deep. And the bathroom? Jesus, what would Logan say? He might as well send himself to the insane asylum at once!

Erik didn’t sleep, but simply lay there with his eyes open, wag fog for something to happen.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Logan entered the bedroom later that night, he saw Erik lying in the bed with his back against the door. He didn’t react when Logan came in, but Logan could tell by his breathing that he wasn’t asleep. He could also smell blood. That alerted him at once. Something was wrong.

“Erik?” he asked, slowly approaching the bed. “Erik, love, are you alright?”

Still no answer. Logan undressed and lay down in the bed next to Erik, and placed his hand on the younger man’s thin shoulder. He could now hear Erik sob faintly.

“Sweetheart?” he asked gently, now very concerned. “Erik, please talk to me? Are you mad at me? Please, look at me, Erik.”

After about one minute Erik rolled over to his back and looked up at Logan’s face. His eyes were red and swollen with tears, and he looked very miserable to say the least. Logan also noticed the bloodstained towel around his right hand, and was shocked at the discovery, since he first believed Erik had slit his wrist.

“My God, Erik! What have you done?!” he cried out and grabbed Erik rougher than he’d intended to. “Answer me! What is this?”

Erik’s lower lip began to tremble again, and tears gathered in his eyelashes. Logan’s grip was hurting him, but the expression on Logan’s face when he looked at him hurt Erik even more. Logan would punish him for this, he was sure of that.

“Erik, did you try to hurt yourself?” Logan asked slowly and gravely, softening his hold.

Erik still said nothing. His head sank back into the pillow, and his taut body relaxed and became almost limp.

“Do you think I’m a failure, Logan?” he asked quietly.

“What? Why do you ask that? Of course not, are you…”

“I’m a freak. A worthless freak. Nothing more.”

“Erik, what has happened with your hand?” Logan asked mildly, taking Erik’s bleeding right hand into his.

“I cut myself,” Erik said tiredly. “But it doesn’t matter. Leave it.”

Gently Logan unfolded the towel tied around Erik’s hand, taking out the injured body part. The cuts looked ugly, but they weren’t as bad as he first thought.

“This needs to be taken care of,” Logan stated and went into the bathroom for peroxide. There he saw the smashed mirror and bloodstains, and realized what had happened, but he didn’t focus anymore on it, but simply brought what he came for and went back to Erik. Erik looked apprehensive when he returned, knowing that Logan had seen the destruction he’d caused. He relaxed when Logan didn’t even mention it, but began to tend to his injured hand without speaking.

It hurt when Logan dabbed his wounds, but he endured it without whining. Logan bandaged Erik’s hand when he had cleaned the cuts, and decided that it was enough. Erik maybe wouldn’t be able to write for a few days, but he was going to be fine.

When he was done Logan placed his hand on Erik’s wet cheek and rubbed his high, distinct cheekbone with his thumb.

“Can we talk now?” he asked seriously. “I feel we really need to talk, don’t you?”

Erik nodded faintly. “Can you hold me?” he asked.

“Of course.” Logan pulled Erik into his arms and started to undress him, stripping him to his bare skin, and closed his arms around him again when they were both naked.

“Erik, darling, you really scared me now,” Logan murmured, inhaling the scent of his lover’s hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“So what is this crap you say about being worthless and a freak? What has happened to your self-esteem?”

“It’s just that…nothing seems to work for me any longer… I have no job, I’m almost 35, and…” Erik sighed. “I thought I soon might be too old to be attractive to you.”

“What?!” Logan exclaimed. He had expected much, but not that. “Too old to be attractive? Erik, how can you think that? I’ll still love you the same way when you’re 80! You’re my lover, and I love you. Your age doesn’t matter. You’ll always be attractive to me!”

Erik said nothing. He wanted to believe Logan so badly, but… “Can you promise you’ll want to have sex with me, or even think of me that way, if I lose all my hair, my teeth and my skin becomes wrinkled and saggy?”

“Yes!” Logan said doubtlessly. “You’re my beautiful lover, and I’ll never stop loving you. No matter what happens. I can promise you that, angel.”

“Can you make love to me? Now?” Erik pleaded and closed his good hand around Logan’s member. It was flaccid so far, but started to stiffen when it got some attention.

“I think I can help you with that!” Logan chuckled in reply and passed his hands over Erik’s nude body. Erik’s penis was already erect, and pre-ejaculate was oozing from the slit.

They touched each other intimately for a few minutes, enjoying the leisurely foreplay. Logan loved to kiss and touch his lover like this, almost as much as having actual sex with him.

“Take out the lubricant…” Erik murmured after a while.

“Not yet,” Logan said, and lowered Erik onto his back in the bed. “I’ll do something else for you first.”

Erik knew what Logan was referring to. He was going to give him oral sex. Erik squirmed expectantly as Logan began to kiss his way down his body, licking his nipples on the way, turning them into hard little pebbles. Then he buried his tongue in Erik’s navel and continued downward, until the younger man’s erection lay pressed against his cheek.

Logan licked its underside and it responded with twitching movements. Erik groaned and bucked his hips, desperate to get more of Logan’s mouth.

“Eager, huh?” Logan grinned. “I really can’t believe why *you* never do this. It’s not gross, you know. I was really hoping that you’d learn…”

“Logan, stop teasing me and do it!” Erik sighed, clawing at the sheets.

Logan took his lover’s five-inch erection into his mouth and engulfed him in the heat of his mouth, drawing a loud, lust-filled moan from Erik. Oh, yes! He had to look down when Logan began to work his mouth up and down, creating just enough friction not to bring Erik over the edge at once.

Erik spread his legs wide and drew up his knees to give Logan access to his private parts. He wanted to bury his hands in Logan’s thick dark mane, but he knew it would only distract Logan, so he did not.

Clear liquid began to seep from the tip, into Logan’s mouth, and he knew his lover wouldn’t last for long now. He deep-throated Erik, cupping his firm balls he she same time, feeling them tightening in his large hand, waiting to launch Erik’s release. Only seconds later Erik came, trashing and squealing, shooting his hot seed into Logan’s willing mouth.

Logan swallowed it all, and let Erik’s spent penis slide out of his mouth, leaving a wet trail on his chin. The younger man lay still in the bed, still panting after the intense orgasm. He could hear his own heart pounding in his chest, and wished it would slow down soon. He really needed to work on his shape.

Logan crawled up next to him, and placed his hand on Erik’s smooth, heaving chest.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes…” Erik sighed. “I’m alright. But I’m not 18 years old anymore. You have to give me time to recover.”

Hmm, Logan thought. This age-thing seems to really bother Erik. Is he about to have a middle-age crisis? Although he’s barely even middle-aged yet? Weird. He must know I’ll never leave him, so what’s the matter?

“Sweetie…” he murmured and pulled Erik’s lax body into his arms. “I’ll understand if you’re tired after this. We don’t have to do anything more tonight. If you’d rather sleep, it’s alright. We’ll sleep.”

“And leave you unfulfilled?” Erik said. “No, I’ll never do that. Just let me rest a minute, and you can take me.”

Logan sighed. “Erik, you don’t owe me anything. We have sex because we both want to, and honestly, it would be difficult for me to enjoy it if I knew that you’re tired and just waiting for it to stop so you can go to sleep. You’ve been through a lot today. I’ll understand if you’re tired. In fact, it’s good that you’re tired. Now let’s go to sleep. We can have sex tomorrow.”

“See? I’m not even good enough for this anymore…” Erik said, and it sounded almost like a sob.

Logan didn’t know how to answer that, since there was a risk he’d give the wrong answer and lower Erik’s diminishing self-esteem even more. Erik seemed to be suffering from a severe case of inferiority complex, and Logan honestly didn’t know what he could do to help his beloved.

“Would you like to make love?” he asked softly, stroking Erik’s back. “Of course we will if you want to, I was just worried that you might not be feeling well.”

A ghost of a smile appeared on Erik’s lips. “No, I’m alright. Except for my hand, but I don’t think we’ll need it now, right?”

“No.”

They both sat up in the bed and embraced each other before Erik began to fondle Logan’s soft penis. This situation didn’t arouse him one bit, and it would have to be drawn from him, but Erik was very skilled at what he did, and Logan soon had a full erection, ready to do what he normally loved so much. Now he couldn’t help feeling that he had to do this to keep Erik from breaking, and it felt all but good.

Silently he took out the bottle of lubricant from his drawer, and smeared it over his own erection. Then he took another dollop onto his fingers and let them slide inside Erik’s back channel, giving his lover a thorough preparation.

Erik moaned when his prostate was found, but it was a weak moan compared to what he normally gave.

“So, will you sit across my lap and ride my cock?” Logan asked.

Erik nodded. “Yes, that’s fine.” He then straddled Logan’s lap and started lowering himself onto the larger man’s hard shaft. It hurt a bit, since he was very tired and not really in the mood, but he didn’t show Logan any of that, but acted like everything was alright.

Logan grabbed his smaller lover’s body and ge kis kissed Erik before he started pumping into him, lifting him up and down his erection. Erik wrapped his legs around Logan’s waist and arms around his neck as he buried his face in the hollow between his neck and shoulder. He began to feel pleasure eventually when his body had adjusted to the act. Erik thought that he really should have no problemjustjusting, as he had done this numerous times in the past 17 years. He used to like when Logan’s hard, heavy flesh moved in and out of him, creating delicious friction, but now it only felt tiresome.

Logan came inside his lover only fifteen minutes later; he didn’t want this to last for long, and neither did Erik, probably. Very carefully he slid his member out of Erik, knowing that a hasty move would cause him pain. After that he just sat there for a while, with the boy who was no longer a boy, but a man in his arms, with Erik’s sweaty body pressed against his.

Erik had not come again, Logan noticed. He hadn’t even been hard. That didn’t really surprise Logan. He knew Erik wasn’t really up for this tonight. He had done it solely to please Logan.

“It was great, angel,” he whispered, hng Eng Erik close. “Thanks.”

“No, thank you,” Erik said with a weak smile and pressed a kiss to Logan’s cheek. “Can we sleep now?”

“Yes.”

Logan spooned behind his lover and wrapped his muscular arm around his waist, just as always. He loved the feeling of Erik’s small-boned body enveloped by his larger one, and tonight was no exception. He could still smell the blood from Erik’s hand, but not as strongly as before. It was a good sign.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he murmured in Erik’s ear. “See ya in the morning…”

Erik didn’t respond. He was already asleep.

TBC