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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant	By : TheConstant1944 Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Captain America Views: 2391 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
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Chapter One Hundred & Three
James, Bucky, Steve and Freya - The Next Part of the Journey

You have not told them but they have noticed.
You are pale. You are not eating properly. They have watched you push the food around your plate as you pretend to eat. They notice how you hold yourself. How when you think you are by yourself you try to stretch but instead get cramps and end up close to tears. How you sleep more, especially in the afternoons and how you have been keeping to your own bedroom using the excuse that they snore and keep you awake. They see the way the headache tablets run out at an alarming rate. They know you and although you have learnt the art of lying, it is something you will never be an expert at, especially with them.
Steve rings Anita and books you an appointment and they both drive you to make sure you go. They even watch you enter the clinic. You tell them you do not want them to go in with you, that they are acting like hysterical mothers and you pretend to be annoyed at them for having done this.
You are not annoyed. You are frightened. Something is seriously wrong with your body and you know there is.
Anita asks you what the symptoms are even though Steve has told her. At first you try to shrug it off, but the fact is that Anita can make you talk. You explain the dizziness, the cramps that leave you unable to breathe because they are so painful, the sickness, the pain in your joints, the headaches and - worst of all - you tell her how you have blacked out twice. She examines you, takes blood samples and asks you to pee into a bottle. Anita discusses the possibilities of illnesses that could cause the pain and symptoms but she does not want to make guesses. The results will take a while but before she allows you to leave she gets you booked in for another appointment.
When you come out you scowl when you see the men waiting for you in the car park, leant against the car. You were going to take the bus. James snorts when you tell him this. Steve is straight to the point.
“What did she say? What's wrong with you?”
You lie and this time you sound almost truthful. “She thinks it's fatigue, pure and simple.” You blind them with waffle. “I need to rest and there are tablets she can give me.”
“And what caused this fatigue?” Bucky is not going to let you off lightly.
“I'm nearly ninety-eight years old Buck!” you exclaim. “Have you not noticed the grey in my hair?!”
“You've always had grey in your hair!” he points out.
You pretend to be annoyed. “Do you want me to remind you that you two have a fully functioning and working serums in your body? I don't. I have a fucked up small amount of one in my body. Come on guys, do you really want me to explain what happens the older a woman gets? Do you really want the personal details?” You are deliberately cold with them.
Bucky and Steve look away. Steve is blushing. No, he doesn't want to know. Most men do not want to hear about women's problems; and telling them it is woman's problems is the easiest way to deflect their questions.
“I didn't think the menopause would affect you considering you've been sterilised,” Bucky can still be blunt.
“Look, Buck, just because they took some of it away doesn't mean the rest of isn't going to play up. My body's getting old, its been...misused, and its changing. It happens to all women. Okay!” You open the car door and get in the back. James gets in the front whilst Steve drives.
“But you're all right, yeah?” Bucky turns back to you and asks and you keep up the act and look at him as if you are exasperated.
You blow your fringe out of your eyes. “Yes. I'm basically all right. I may look as if I'm in my thirties but I told you, I still have the body of a ninety year old.” And that ends the conversation.
Your act begins anew as over the following week you hide so much from them. You pretend to eat but don't let them know you bring most of it up. You try and put powder on your face to stop you looking so pale. You don't let them know you fainted on the back porch and came to when a rabbit of all things hopped onto your chest, surprising you as much as it did him. You don't tell them about the headaches that make you flinch in the bright sun. You avoid them as much as you can.
You figure what they don't know won't hurt them.
*
Your next appointment isn't due for a few more days but Anita rings early one morning to say she wants to see you straight away.
“I'm sure whatever it is can wait a couple of days,” you say quietly down the phone. You don't want James and Steve to know who it is you are talking to.
“No, it won't. Freya. I need to see you today,” Anita says.
You make an excuse to the boys; they think you will be at the Avenger complex for most of the day catching up with paperwork. You take the car and leave it at the complex and then take a bus into town.
Anita's clinic is downtown in a busy area. You are ushered through to Anita's office and she asks you to sit down. She won't meet your eyes and you begin to worry. She pulls her chair up close and rests her hand on your knees.
Then she looks at you.
“I know what it is that's wrong,” she says. Her eyes are glazed with tears and your heart sinks.
*
When you leave her office she offered to drive you home or call a taxi but you decline. You want to walk a while, be by yourself, think things over. She asks if you want her to tell James and Steven, and again you say no.
You cried in her arms when she told you and she wept with you. After everything you have been through, after everything they did to you....
She books in another appointment and tells you that it will be the first of many.
You arrive home late in the afternoon.
When you drive in you can see the doors of the barn are open. You walk over to the barn to see the pair of them are tinkering with the pick up truck. But as you draw nearer you hear music and you know they are listening to the old record player. Steve fixed it up to play out there and you recognise the song. It is one of their songs, Jimmy Dorsey's 'I'll Never Cry Again'.
Without letting them know you are there, you peer around the door. They are stood in front of the truck and they are dancing. Slowly. Steve is holding Bucky and Bucky's head is rested against him, tears slowly trickling down his face. This happens with Buck from time to time especially when they play the old love songs. Steve's eyes are closed and he is murmuring, telling him everything will be okay, stroking his hair.
They need to be alone, and so you quietly back away and go into the house.
*
You have to tell them. They need to know. They have a right.
After dinner they sit at the table bickering. No matter how many times you have asked them not to bring car parts into the house, they still do. Right now they have something from the engine of the truck laying on newspaper (at least they remembered to put it on top of something this time), and are having a vocal exchange of how best to repair it. They both have different ideas neither of which seems compatible with the other.
It is now or never. You pull out the chair on the opposite side of the table and sit down.
“What do you think? Which one of us is right?” Steve asks, and you smile.
“How would I know? You know me I just don't understand how anything works!” you say.
But James looks at you and you can see he knows this is about something else. He knows you better than you know yourself. He has taken in your pale cheeks, your quietness this evening and the fact you have sat down opposite them.
“What is it?” he asks, and Steve looks from James to you, realising something is wrong.
You look at both these men who mean so much to you. You know it is going to be a shock for them. It was a shock to you, you had no idea what Anita was going to discover. You wish you could make it easier for them.
“I went to see Anita today for the results of the tests." Your voice runs dry and you clear your throat and without wanting them to you your eyes tear up.
“I thought you were going to the complex...” Steve says frowning.
“You never said you were going there! Why didn't you say?” James is annoyed with you, they would have taken you, been there, looked after you.
You don't reply.
“And?” James's voice is quiet. His eyes are wide and you see such a look of fear in them that he is trying to bury.
Your hands are in your lap, twisting together.
“And?” he repeats.
You take a deep breath and look at both of them.
“I'm pregnant,” you say and burst into tears.
*
The room is silent except for your sobs. Both men sit there stunned. They don't think they heard you correctly. Neither of them know what to say until slowly smiles creep up on their faces and they realise how frightened they had been of losing you.
“Pregnant as in...” and James holds his hands out to indicate a big fat stomach.
You nod because you can't talk. You are snuffling into a hankie.
Both men glance at each other, grinning, and Steve actually punches Bucky in the shoulder. Then it is if they suddenly realise you are in the room and may need them. They jump up and come around to your side of the table and crouch down in front of you.
They both talk at once. So many questions yet through it all you can hear their excitement, their absolute happiness and you are touched. It makes you cry even harder.
“How...?”
“But I thought...”
“I don't understand...”
“I didn't think you could...”
“When, when's it due?”
“They,” you say, and the room goes quiet again.
James looks at Steve, and Steve looks back at him, and then they look at you and you smile.
“Twins, there are two heartbeats,” you say.
Both men rock back on their heels and Bucky scratches his head.
“Lucky we have plenty of room then,” he says.
“Twins?” Steve repeats, looking incredulously at you.
*
“But why are you so thin?” Bucky had asked. It has been a long while since they have seen you totally naked. You did not tell them that your stomach and joints have started to become swollen even though the rest of you had lost so much weight. Pregnancy was just something that had not occurred because of the sterilisation. The pain threw you off as well, there should not be the amount of pain in pregnancy as you have been having. It is all to do with the overworked serum in your body. Anita has warned you it is not going to be an easy time for you.
“You have to promise not to be angry,” you say. It is the following day and they have had time to think of questions and so now you need to be completely honest with them. “I was having some bad pains a while back...” and Bucky goes to say something and Steve stops him. You continue. “I think from what the scans show that things were literally growing back. The serum I have in my blood stream could never do that, it can help but it would not be strong enough and as we know, it is not even stable. Well...” and now you feel your cheeks flush. How can this be so embarrassing?
“Well?”
“Well, um. Anita reckons where I've been having intercourse with both of you and the serum is in your....well, you see it's not just in your blood it's in your...” and you leave things there hoping one of them will finish it for you but instead Steve blushes and Bucky grins. ”In our...?” he asks innocently.
You frown at him and your cheeks take on even more of a rosy glow. “Your semen and all your bodily fluids if you must know!”
“Well, who'd have guessed and you've....got everything back?”
“”Well...” you put your hand out and move it as if you were trying to balance something out. “More or less.”
“More or less. What does that mean?”
“It means it's going to be a difficult pregnancy. There are problems and Anita is talking about having a caesarian section, especially considering my age and...well, I think the best thing is to just take it day by day don't you?”
You do not want to scare them. You do not want to tell them everything yet. Yes, the serums have encouraged regrowth but not all of it is correct and as it should be. There is no danger to the babies (babies!) but other parts of your body have suffered where the serum has concentrated on your lower body. This accounts for some of the symptoms you have had that do not usually accompany pregnancy.
The tests and scans show you are about twelve weeks or thereabouts. Anita has scheduled weekly appointments. You are still feeling sick and have terrible headaches but now you will not even take paracetamol. You will take no chances with the health of your babies.
Babies. That word keeps resonating in your mind.
*
And later when you are lying awake in bed, both men either side of you because from now on they will not allow you to sleep on your own, you think of the question, the one that you could not help but wonder. The one that neither of them have thought to ask you. And for that you are grateful.
The one question Anita asked you and you had to say you honestly don't know.
Which one of them is the father?
Now that you have reached twelve weeks you require invasive tests. They are tests that they do not like to do but they need to check on what exactly is happening in your own blood and what you are passing onto the children. Anita has said that as a result of the invasive tests they will be able to do a paternity test. Your mind keeps swinging back and forth. Do you say yes or no? Do you want to know? It doesn't matter to you who the father is but Anita points out that sometime in the future they may need to know the babies' medical history, especially given Steve Rogers' pre-serum state of health. There are also two sets of different serum involved so all the information they can have available on the twins is important. It's a minefield. In the end you say yes but you say nothing to Bucky or Steve.
Then the results come back and you realise they have every right to know, just as you do.
They have come with you for one of the scans so they can see the developing babies for the first time. Anita is now able to tell you that you are carrying boys and afterwards she asked to see all of you. You all sit in her office. You are finding it difficult sometimes to sit still for very long. Anita has asked you if she can divulge all the information to James and Steven (that is what she calls them) and you have given permission.
But even you are now in for a surprise.
“Well you know now that you are expecting twin boys...” she says, reaching for her coffee. You always find Steve and Bucky are usually very quiet around Anita; she seems to scare them. “We would not normally like to do tests this invasive unless we felt they were very necessary, and under the unusual circumstances we felt they were. From them we have discovered several things.”
She puts her cup down and focuses on you all.
“You two are both the fathers. I felt with the nature of the circumstances, paternity was something we needed to know. It is something that happens rarely but it is possible. Literally two eggs became fertilised from both of you with in the same ovulation period. The medical term is non-fraternal although you're probably more familiar with the term non-identical twins.”
You are stunned. You did not know that was even possible. The men are more than stunned. They are both quiet, they look at each other, then at you
“Don't blame me,” you say.
And then they look back at Anita.
“So....?” James says, sitting forward as if he has misunderstood.
“So you are both the fathers of the children Freya is carrying,” Anita repeats and James cannot help but grin. “But..." she continues, leaning forward. “We know now that each child carries the serums in their blood and we don't honestly know what that will mean.” She needs to be honest. “This is a pregnancy we are going to have to watch carefully. The babies seem perfect, they seem to be growing at the same rate normal babies do, but I am worried about Freya's health.” You make a noise to indicate it is nothing. She ignores you. “If anything happens or seems out of the norm to you it is imperative you contact me or the hospital, I can't make that clear enough.”
And so when you get home they wrap you in cotton wool. After just two days they drive you up the wall. You love them both dearly but you could batter their heads against the wall and in the end you have to tell them: “Leave me alone! I'm not going to break!”
You need your space. You need to be able to breathe and you feel you are suffocating. It is making you bad tempered and crotchety. You understand their concern but this cannot continue. You sit down with both of them and in the end reluctantly they agree on several things.
Firstly. There are nights you want to sleep alone. You want to be able to spread out in the bed, you want to be able to get up to pee without one of them following you. They make you agree to having a baby monitor in the bedrooms so if you have any problems you can call out to them.
Secondly. You want to do things around the house without them taking things away from you and insisting you sit down. “I'm not going to break,” you keep having to tell them. You promise not to try lifting anything heavy or climb any step ladders. As if you could; the bump is beginning to get so large and heavy that sometimes you feel as if you are going to fall over and not get up.
Thirdly. They can leave you alone. You have promised you will get a mobile phone, one of the ones they can keep track of you on. Nearer your due date they want to employ a nurse, or a companion to be with you. Anita agrees with them on this one so you are outnumbered. “Okay. But nearer the date,” you say to them.
Fourthly. You are allowed to go out on your own, especially to your antenatal appointments. They agree providing you use a taxi and not the bus.
And finally, you tell them, they must stop arguing over names for the boys. You didn't think it would be so hard. In the end you insist they can choose one name each and those names are not to be family names; the boys are not to be named after anyone. 'They will be their own people, I don't want them tied down with any more baggage,' you say and both men can understand what you are implying. They agree on the understanding that the boys will carry your last name – Bowman. That is unexpected. You had not even thought about that but it is obvious they have. They make you cry again. You blame the hormones.
And so an uneasy truce begins between you and them. But as time progresses they begin to get used to you being pregnant, being so huge that they find it funny at the most irritating times. You find it difficult to bend down, to stand next to the sink and reach the taps. You find you have cravings and once it was so bad Steve drove all the way into town to pick up some gherkins because he found you sobbing at the kitchen table with an empty jar in your hand. “I don't even like gherkins,” you had sobbed as Bucky had tried to wipe your eyes dry. And there is food you cannot eat any more, food you know you love! Coffee, the smell makes you want to vomit but you had such a craving for it you actually ended up eating a spoonful of it from the jar. Bucky looked at you as if you'd grown two heads.
“Unbelievable “ he muttered, taking the jar away from you and putting it in the top of the cupboard where you couldn't reach it. After he left the room you went to get the stool but within minutes he was back and took the stool way as well.
“Bloody men,” you muttered.
By this time you have five dogs around the house. Four long dogs of indeterminate breed, and a tiny dachshund. All are from the pound and were due to be put down when Bucky and Steve had turned up to get a single companion; you now have a pack. You are sure that either Steve or Bucky are supposed to be pack leader, the alpha, but you are wrong. A month before, a flea ridden moggie had turned up on the porch in the pouring rain. You had opened the door and it had stalked in, walked up to the dogs who were curled up on the rug together, crawled into the very centre of them and buried itself in their warmth. It has lived with you ever since. You have had a few issues with it, a flea bath for instance but now you have an uneasy truce with it as well.
All in all you think domestic bliss reigns. Or so you like to think.
For the first time in your life you are happy; not just happy but blissfully happy. Although there are nights you convince yourself of what a terrible mother you are going to be. There are nights when you are sleeping by yourself and you cradle your stomach and wish the James you knew could be there to see the wonderful father he will make; you put that down to hormones as you can cry at anything and regularly do.
But there is also something the men do not know. You say a thankful prayer every night, not a religious one but a simple thank you to life for giving you this opportunity. For giving you so much after you have lost so much.
And silently as well, you always say a prayer for the little one you lost. You will not forget her; somehow you know it was a girl. Neither Bucky or Steve know that you know about the child. You know they were, and still are, trying to protect you. You had discovered the information by accident during the first trial and when you did it nearly broke your world. Nat had helped you through it, and you don't think you could have got through it without her.
You had rung her up and asked her if you could meet her for coffee to talk. You wanted her to be the one you spoke to because you know she would be the one to understand. The one who knows what it is like to be given a second chance. She also understands about the Soldier, how you can never forget him, how you still love and miss him. How you pray for him. And for that you will always be thankful to her.
Then a few months later you had found out about the twins and your whole world was turned upside down again.
And so everything is ready. The nursery is decorated, and the men have even chosen names although you are not sure where from and in truth they themselves don't know. Steve has chosen the name Christopher, and Bucky has chosen the name Sebastian. They said they heard the names and they just seemed – right.
You like to think you are ready and not terrified at this next part of your life. But you will not fail. These children are precious as are all children. They have the best fathers any child could ever hope for and they are wanted. What more could they need? What more could any of you need?
Pepper and Tony held a baby shower. So weird, these Americans. All your friends came, you never realised until now how many you have, how many love and care for Steve and Bucky. But then you realised something else just as precious.
They do not just care for them; they care for each other. What better gift in the world could you have than that?
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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant