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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant	By : TheConstant1944 Category: Marvel Verse Comics > Captain America Views: 2391 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel characters. They are solely owned by Marvel and MCU. No money is made from this story.

Chapter List
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- 103
Chapter One Hundred & Two
The Finishing Point

How do you tell someone if they are about to live or die?
James Barnes is sat at the table. He has showered. He has on clean clothes, and has combed his hair and shaved. He looks fairly relaxed, calm even, but he isn't. If you look closely you can see the signs. His hands are on the top of the table but are clenched together, the knuckles showing white. He is looking at the surface and his eyes are clear, but inside his mind is working.
His fear is not because he is worried he is going to die; he has already accepted that eventuality. What he is fearful about is that when they announce his guilt, he will look and act like a coward. He wants them to see that he is relieved, even now he doesn't want those people to believe it is their fault he is to die. He also believes that if they think their loved ones were murdered by a coward then it diminishes those victims somehow. He can't explain it. He doesn't want people to look at him and see a monster even though that is how he sees himself but, he thinks, that is too much to hope for. Because I am a monster.
His mind is so confused. Every thought running through it is overthought, going around and around and his jaw is clenched, aching. He is so tired he could put his head down and sleep for a million years.
He is simply a man. One who has to die. One who has accepted his fate.
He knows that there is a camera on him which is currently showing him to the whole world. It is only fair that they learn his fate the same time he does. The screen is on the wall in front of him and the verdict is due to be announced within the next few minutes.
He is alone in the room. It is what he asked for. He so badly wanted Steve and Freya there with him but he knows he could not have remained this calm with them present. They are here, but in another room with both Tony and T'Challa. He takes comfort in knowing that afterwards he will be able to hold them, tell them they will be all right without him.
He just needs to be brave for these last few minutes.
In the other room Steve asks how long after sentencing they will carry out the punishment, and T'Challa is the one who answers: “He has asked that he be given a few minutes to say goodbye and then for the sentence to be carried out straight away. Unfortunately we were unable to agree to that.”
Tony breaks in at this point to remind Steve that a delegate from each country must attend the execution, otherwise the public would not believe he was dead.
“For gods' sake,” Steve shakes his head. How do I do this? He thinks. How do I lose him again because this time I know it will be final? There will be no coming back from this.
T'Challa does not tell them that James has decided how to die. By gunshot. He will never tell them how James begged for his body to be destroyed afterwards - cut up, burned. That there was such a desperation in James's voice at that point.
Jarvis breaks in to tell them that it is time.
The screen opposite Bucky lights up and he looks up at it. His heart is thumping so hard he thinks everyone must be able to hear it, and there is a fine sheen of sweat on his brow. He squares his shoulders. He is ready.
It will list each of the thirty-five countries and how their jurors have voted: Guilty or Not Guilty. At the end of the list the tally will show and then the final verdict underneath.
Everyone holds their breath.
As each result comes up Bucky blinks. In his mind he is telling himself he is going to die, that he will be at peace soon, these people have found him guilty because he is guilty.
He looks at the final tally, then at the final result.
In the other room Freya begins to cry and Steve takes her in his arms and holds her tight as his own tears come. He kisses the top of her head.
T'Challa shakes his head, almost as if in disbelief. Tony looks on the pad in his hand and frowns. “Jarvis, can you just double check that for us?” he asks, and Jarvis tells him he has double checked, he has tripled checked.
The verdict is correct and final.
James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes has been found - Not Guilty.
But it is not that that has surprised them. Each country listed has the words Not Guilty shown after them. Every single one of them. The screen shows the jurors' individual verdicts, and each one of them shows as Not Guilty.
They haven't just exonerated James Barnes; they have sent him a message. Yes, he pulled the trigger, yes, he held the knife, but no, the crimes were not his. He is a victim of Hydra just as much as the people he killed.
He does not deserve to die. He deserves to live.
They have forgiven him, and now it is up to him to forgive himself.
*
Jack Harper cries as he watches the shock on James Barnes face. He is not the only one in the world. Each juror in each country had a difficult decision to make but all of them, every single one of them felt they had made the right decision. That it was not right for James Barnes to die for these crimes. The verdict is a message for the organisation Hydra. They are saying the remnants of Hydra will be found, it will be hunted down and it will be eliminated for it's crimes against humanity.
*
James tries to stand up, looking towards the door because he knows the others will be coming through it at any moment.
“A mistake, it must be a mistake, “ he says as the door opens. He gestures to the screen and a billion people see the look of genuine shock and disbelief on his face, and even some of the toughest of them tear up. It is so obvious that he believes he is guilty, that he believes he should die, that he should be called on to pay for the crimes. But they know it is not a mistake; even those who were not on the jury voted innocent in their own minds. The only people out there who are in disagreement are those who thought it would go their way; Hydra's people. Each one will get their head chopped neatly from their Hydra body. Each one starts to panic.
“But, it can't be right, it can't be, there must be some mistake.” Bucky steps forward. He keeps pointing to the screen even as Steve reaches out for him, Bucky's eyes searching his to see the truth, the mistake made. Steve's hand is on his shoulder and Freya is talking to him.
“It's not a mistake. They have found you not guilty, James. You are not guilty!” and the tears are running down both their faces. He looks beyond them to Tony and T'Challa, who shake their heads to indicate it is not a error and T'Challa smiles, and it is that smile that breaks Bucky.
“But I murdered your father,” he says softly and T'Challa comes forward.
“I know and I have forgiven you. My father forgives you. And now, my friend, you are on the hardest path. You must forgive yourself.”
Tony also walks forward, pressing a button, and the screen changes. They all look up and it shows hundreds, maybe thousands of people stood looking at a gigantic screen in some plaza. The people are cheering and at first Bucky does not realise what is happening. “We had to make it public so everyone would see. We couldn't hide it because we were worried that if you were found not guilty people would think it was a conspiracy. Looks like we didn't need to,” Tony says.
He flicks to the news services who are reporting on the verdict. Bucky sees himself on the screen, sees the verdict being shown, sees the genuine shock on his own face.
He turns back to Steve who still has his hand on his shoulder, to Freya who is watching him, her eyes worried and he tries to smile but he can't. His own eyes tear up and a look of fear enters them and then panic and Steve's eyes widen as he feels Bucky begin to tremble. Freya puts her hand out to steady him.
“I can't live,” he whispers and shakes his head “How? I don't deserve it. I can't live. I don't know how to. I can't go out there, I can't...it's a mistake!”
And then he gives in to the panic and his knees give way and he sinks sobbing to the floor, his hands and arms come up over his head as if to hide. Tony turns to see what is happening, and as he watches Bucky fall to the floor he tells Jarvis to switch of the cameras.
*
You take him in your arms as you have so many times before and you rock him gently, your voice calm and soothing, telling him everything will be all right. Telling him there is nothing he needs to do, telling him to breathe deeply. You can feel him clinging to you as if he is drowning. You hear Steve ask if you can be left alone and you hear the others leave, the door closes and now there is just you, Bucky and Steve. Both of you help him to a seat and sit opposite sides of him. You pass him tissues and wipe his nose as if he is a toddler who has fallen down and hurt himself.
You look at Steve and mime drinking and he goes to fetch some water and brings it back for Bucky to drink. You watch as Bucky looks at Steve with fresh tears in his eyes. “I can't do this,” he says shaking his head and you both know what he means. He can't live. He has spent the last few weeks knowing he is going to die only to be given a reprieve at the last minute. His mind cannot cope with the sudden reversal.
Steve's voice is as tight as Bucky's. “It's time for you to come home, Bucky,” he says.
At first they don't think he has heard but then he closes his eyes. “I can't. I....don't make me leave here,” his voice cracks.
You watch as Steve swallows as he tries to get his own emotions under control. Sam had warned you both that this may happen; that Bucky would panic, that he may not want to leave this safe environment. You have already made plans that Jeff would come with you back to the new Avengers compound. Bucky will need stability, familiarity.
Steve smiles, makes sure Bucky is looking at him. “Hey, I'm sure you can stay here for as long as you want, you know T'Challa has gotten used to you being around. But well, I did kinda promise when you left we would take Jeff Gordons with us. He's going to teach me chess so I can beat you hands down. Tony's been spring cleaning and we have the new complex up and running. Got you a room ready and everything.” He leans forward, those blue eyes of his begging Bucky to say yes. “We miss you so very much Buck, what do you say huh? For us. For Freya and me. Please come home.”
You are now both quiet to let Bucky get himself under control because you can see he is trying to and your heart goes out to him.
Bucky clears his throat takes another drink of water. You take the snotty tissues from him.
“Do you think....” and you stay quiet because you know he is trying to pull himself together, “...that Tony fixed the results?” he asks.
But Steve is shaking his head before the question is finished. “He was as surprised as we were. He even asked Jarvis to check and Jarvis had already done that.”
You will find out later that the people manning the 'guilty' telephone number had one call and that turned out to be someone calling to order a pizza. The people on the 'not guilty' phone lines were inundated.
“What do I do?” he asks you, his eyes wide, blue, pleading for you to tell him because his mind doesn't know how to cope.
“You live,” you tell him quietly.
*
And over the next few months Bucky finds out that the results were not fixed. Could not be fixed. What happened was real. He gets to find out that very few people think of him as being guilty. Tony has put a package of information together which is sent to all governments. It contains bank details, names, addresses and other details of Hydra members, of Hydra assets (all except the most important one that is - that one belongs to you and Steve and there is no way you are letting go of it.)
Bucky is asked to give interviews and appear on TV shows but he declines all of the requests, all of the offers. For someone who as a young man was outgoing and gregarious, he has become quiet and introverted. It is going to take time to bring him out of his shell. At first he will not even leave the Avengers complex.
And that is because there is something that you have all forgotten that he hasn't.
He didn't think it would be a problem because when they executed him he would take it with him but now? Now he is going to live and he is dangerous. The Soldier may have gone but the programming hasn't.
The words still have control over him, those accursed barbaric words. He wishes he could forget about them but they begin to haunt him. He dreads that he will hear them, dreads that someone will say them: longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car. He knows he must tell someone, he knows time may be running out.
You and Steve watch over him, and he barely leaves your side. He is needy, not in as much as he says anything it is just you can feel it. If one of you strays away and then the other he comes looking for you, a small bubble of panic in those beautiful blue eyes of his. The presence of Jeff Gordons helps. He has become a permanent feature around the facility, someone useful and he is definitely someone you want around if ever there is going to be a fight.
The complex has been set up the same way the tower was. Each of you have your own room but most of the time the two of you sleep in with Bucky. There have been a few times when Steve has been called away on Avenger business and so you have had Bucky to yourself. Sometimes he will talk, ask you questions about your past, about things that happened to him and you always answer truthfully. But after a while you begin to realise there is something worrying him, something on his mind.
When you finally realise what it is, you cannot believe you had not thought of it yourself. How can you be so blind? So stupid? You of all people. You should have realised straight away,
He is not just worried that Hydra will still come after him. He is petrified because he knows that if they do, they are still able to control him with the trigger words, with their phrases. And now he knows they can because he asks you to use the words on him. A controlled experiment he says, with safety measures so he cannot hurt you. You arrange for the experiment to go ahead.
They sit him in a room with Steve sat next to him. You are sat in the corner because he needs you there in his line of sight. Tony is the one who is going to recite the words. The room is set up like a police interview room and so one wall contains a one way mirror. Sam is in the corresponding room with Janis, a man called Martin Beck and Jeff. Phil Coulson is also there.
Bucky has asked you to restrain him, put him in cuffs. However the decision was made not to because unless they instruct him to, he should not become dangerous.
It is chilling.
You watch as Tony starts to repeat the programming words. Even though Bucky knows what is happening, even though Steve is there every step of the way, you watch as he fights against every one of those words. You watch the effect they have on him, the pain he is in trying to fight them until the last one is said and then...
...then he goes quiet. He looks at you coldly. Tells you he is ready to comply.
You close your eyes and when you open them he is still looking ahead waiting for instruction. His eyes are blank, his breathing steady, his hands still clenched from trying to fight against the inevitable.
You stand up and move over to him and he watches you. You crouch down in front of him, take his hand.
“Red, white, and blue, it's time for you to sleep now, Soldier.” Your voice is quiet, calm and the minute you finish the last word his body sags forward and Steve catches him gently moving him back into the seat. His eyes are closed. He is out cold.
When he finally comes around an hour later he cannot remember anything about what happened and he has a blinding migraine. The first thing he asks though makes you want to weep. “Did I hurt anyone?”
You tell him no but he will not believe you until he is shown the video of the experiment.
You and Steve lead him to his room and put him to bed, on the way you have to quickly divert to the bathroom where he is sick. Two minutes after you get him into the bed he is out cold again.
Whilst you leave him to sleep a meeting is held. The people around the table are his friends, his colleagues. Yourself, Steve, Sam, Nat, Tony, Phil and Jeff. They have asked Janis to be in on the experiment and she is also there together with a fellow hypnotherapist.
“Surely somehow if he is programmed to respond to these words then he can be...I don't know, reprogrammed to ignore them?” Steve is saying to Janis.
“It's not that simple. From what Tony has shown us the programming they used did not just consist of the words. They used drugs, torture, even electrotherapy. His mind must be....” but Janis cannot think of the right word to use.
Her colleague, an older man, Martin Beck, who has trained people including Janis in hypnotherapy and has been involved in reprogramming people caught up in cults, tries to explain.
“We are all programmed from day one and then right throughout our lives without even knowing it. Unconsciously, your parents will have programmed you on how to behave, how to treat people, how to view the world. Really programming is just a word to explain how we learn to think, feel, behave. The problem with James is that the programming they used on him was more of a brainwashing technique, forced and then coupled with the mind wipes this is going to need a whole new approach and I for one, sat here now cannot guarantee we can clear his mind.” You go to speak but he holds his hand up and smiles at you: “But I'm not saying we won't give it a bloody good try.”
You cannot help but try to smile back.
“Well anything you can do, anything you can think of would be much appreciated.” Tony has arranged for both Beck and Janis to stay at the complex for as long as they need. Janis staying this close to Sam will not be a problem.
It will be easier for them to arrange their wedding.
*
The next few months are strenuous on Bucky. You are glad he is safe at the complex because Tony has received a warning from an old friend, James Rhodes, that people in the military are still interested in the super soldier serum. They are still interested in the Winter Soldier. And whilst they have never considered using Steve Rogers, they still think of James Barnes as fair game.
In the end to get them to back off, Tony uses the might of the press and social media against them. Several newspapers, news services and internet sites are sent leaked documents showing both the government's and military's interest in James Barnes and their plans to utilise him in their crime against terrorism. Terrorism? No, they want him as a weapon for war. They want to use him for experimentation. The document actually shows the invasive nature of the experimentation planned and it is just as Emgee had shown in her political art. Just as you had said so many months ago. He would be held prisoner in a laboratory being tortured for the greater good.
The point that the powers to be have missed is the public's affection for someone who was once the most hated man in the world. He has served his time, served his sentence and now he must be left alone. Tony announces to the new services that Barnes has been recruited into the Avengers team. He will fight for his country against terrorism, but he will fight as a free man.
All this while Bucky works with Janis and Martin as a team to try and counter the words in his brain, the ones which can turn him into anything his enemy wants him to be. You and Steve are by his side every step of the way. Sometimes it feels like you are winning, sometimes you feel you are losing, but Bucky is determined never to be controlled by anyone ever again.
During this time Tony is also working on a project he is keeping close to his chest, something to do with Jarvis. And finally by the time Sam's and Janis's wedding comes around you all have something to celebrate.
Six months after the trial, a new Avengers team is set up and it consists of two new members: Bucky Barnes, and Vision. You are astounded when you first learn that Jarvis has an avatar, you are even more astounded when you meet him. Tony does not know what to feel. He has lost Jarvis, he knows he has and instead the team have gained a new fighting force. The body created for Jarvis is strong, and no one quite knows how but he is different, no one can quite explain it, not even Tony. It is as if a new type of human has accidentally been created.
During this time Steve and Bucky have a conversation that they make sure Freya never finds out about. Steve had asked Bucky if he has thought about the red star that is still emblazoned on his left arm. “I thought if you wanted we could maybe change it, you know make it into an Avenger logo or....” and Steve shrugs to show it is just an idea.
It is something Bucky has already thought about and dismissed and he says this to Steve who frowns. “Why did you dismiss it?” he asks. Bucky had made sure they were on their own before replying.
“It doesn't bother me, does it bother you?” he asks Steve.
“No, of course not, look forget I said anything,” Steve smiles but can see that Bucky isn't being totally honest. “Tell me,” he says quietly. Bucky is silent for a few moments.
“Freya,” he says and Steve shakes his head, he doesn't understand. “I carved the star into her arm and her thigh Steve, I branded her with them. She can't get rid of either of those. What do you think she would feel if I just upped and changed mine? What message would I be sending to her?” Bucky points to the star. “I want this to become something worthwhile. It's part of me, it's part of her. I want to turn it into something positive, like your shield, rather than people looking at it as…..” and he doesn't know what to call it. A disfigurement?
And Steve had understood. He traced the red star on Bucky's arm with his finger then looked at him. “Have I ever told you Barnes, how much I love you?” he said.
Tony has also found a way of solving Steve's worry about Clint. He presents Clint with a new weapon, well, more of an improvement on the old one. He gives him what looks like a bullet magazine but when Clint opens up the end of it instead of bullets sliding out arrow heads do.
“What am I supposed to do with these, throw them at the enemy?” Clint asks looking at one, and then weighing it in his hand.
Tony tuts and takes it off him. He turns it around and gives it back to Clint. “No. Hold it between your thumb and finger like this,” Tony shows him and Clint does what he is told, shaking his head as if he is finding the whole thing funny.
“Now press down on it,” Tony says and Clint does. He feels a slight vibration in the arrow head and then watches stunned as the arrow head unfolds– that is the only way he can think of describing it. The arrow head becomes a fully fledged arrow.
“Wow!” Clint turns it, weights it again, looks along the length. He can tell from experience the arrow feels perfectly fletched.
He looks at Tony then at the magazine and Tony fills him in. “They can hold up to two hundred arrows each, and of course that then just limits you to however many magazines you can fit on that belt of yours.”
“Can I...?” and Tony knows exactly what Clint is asking. He's like a kid with a new toy.
“Knock yourself out Barton.” Within the facility is not just a gun range but an archery range as well.
Clint is finally well armed and in no danger of running out of arrows. Steve claps Tony on the back and nearly knocks him out. “You did good.”
“So glad you approve,” Tony says drily.
The day of Sam's and Janis' wedding is a beautiful one. Everything goes off without a hitch and soon you are wishing them the best as they fly off on honeymoon. The wedding was held at Janis's parents church and you know during the service people watched not just the wedding but the guests as well. After all James Barnes is rarely seen in public and both he and Steve were asked by Sam to be the best man. Security is extremely tight.
You stand with Nat watching and she nudges you when Janis walks up the aisle and you both smile. It is something you know neither of you will ever do. Janis had asked you both to be bridesmaids and as much as you have come to like her you both declined and you think really she is rather glad you did. “Impractical dresses. Nowhere to hide my knives,“ Nat had explained with a straight face.
The team are coming together. Everything is working out well. You and Jeff have become part of the group even though you do not fight. There appears to be a million other things that keep you two busy just running the Avenger facility.
*
The day after the wedding Steve had told you and Bucky he had a surprise for you both. He would not tell you what it was. Instead he made you both get in the car. The Avenger facility is about a mile outside of the city and and he drove you about another five miles into the countryside and then turned up a driveway which was about half a mile long. Eventually he drove into a yard and made you both get out.
You look around. To the side of you is a house facing you. It is a rundown farmhouse built of wood but still it has appeal and even has a rickety old fence around it where someone once maintained a garden. The house has a traditional porch running around what looks like the extent of the house. You would reach it by going up the five front steps.
In front of you and next to the house is an old barn then to the other side is a paddock. “Well, it's a field with a wooden fence around it, but you could land a Quinjet in it,” Steve says. “Come and look.”
You and Bucky exchange a smile as Steve heads for the barn first. He opens one of the doors and goes in with you following. You look around, okay it is a barn with old hay in it and the smell of summer. There are a couple of open pens that once held horses or cattle and in one of these you see Steve's motorbike. He is talking, his voice excited as he pulls Bucky over to the next stall.
“And in here we can set up a kind of maintenance bay and finally do up that old truck you keep insisting on driving which breaks down every minute.”
“Hang on a minute Steve,” Bucky is looking back at you frowning and then looks forward again. “Are you saying this is for us?”
Steve stops and looks at him, then he looks at you and you see the smile on his face begin to disappear. “Well yes,” he says and then looks back at you and stumbling over his words starts to try and explain he thought you would both like the property, and it dawns on you that Steve is trying to tell you and Bucky that he has bought a home for you all.
“Been talking to Clint?” Bucky says, but it is not a question, more of an observation.
“Yes how did you.....? Well look it's not a farm, it used to be a small ranch but it has enough room for us. You can repair things here in the barn and Freya, you'll love the house...” and he stops talking and neither you or Bucky can resist the look on his face.
“And there's lots of room for dogs to run around,” you say and Steve grins.
*
After he had pulled you and Bucky around all the rooms in the house and told you his ideas for what you could do to them, neither of you could have turned him down. The farmhouse has five bedrooms, one for each of you if you need your privacy but all three of you know that you will end up most nights in the same room. Not just for the sex, but for the company. You may as well be honest with yourself, you sleep with both men and they sleep with you and each other. So what if it is not normal in someone else's world? It's normal in yours and that is all that matters.
There will be nights you will want to spend on your own, same with Steve but one of you will always make sure Bucky is not alone so when he has the nightmares, when he is being chased by the horrors in his mind he doesn't wake alone and in the dark screaming. At least one of you will always be there to hold him close and tell him it was just a dream. To tell him he is safe.
You hear them gallop down the stairs and back out to the barn like children and you peer out of the window and watch. Steve is such a big kid, at the moment he is trying to arrange a trip to Disney for all of you because they have set up an Avengers ride there. You are not sure what Disney is exactly because you thought it made films and had shops that sold childrens toys. Steve makes you laugh, makes Bucky smile. He has this way of looking at the world that reminds you it is a beautiful place.
And Bucky? You love the man so much it hurts. Every so often you see the shades of the old James in him, see him stop and do something and it makes you just want to hold him and never let him go. But if you are honest, deep down hidden away in you is a place where your memories of the Soldier belong and you miss him. You do not and could not miss the pain he caused you, but you miss him holding you because he needs you, because he doesn't know how to live without you, the way he would look at you when he had started to remember who you were. And sometimes you feel as if you could curl up and cry for him. What he had been wasn't his fault; he was created just as Tony has created Vision, only he was tortured into being. Bucky had told you he had gone of his own free will and you hope that when he left he had found peace.
You turn away from the window and look around the room. A home. You have never had a real home and you feel a burst of excitement, Steve is like that, he can infect you with happiness and maybe here Bucky can start to sleep peacefully and know he is safe. You leave the room to join them in the barn.
*
Nightmares though come in different forms.
The pains you had experienced whilst Bucky's trial was on had stopped and you breathed a sigh of relief. But about three months after you had moved into your new home, the new pains began. You began to feel tired a lot of the time, pale, your joints ache, you are good at hiding it from Bucky and Steve but when you begin to lose weight Bucky especially becomes concerned. You tell him you are on a diet and he frowns; he tells you it's the last thing you need. They make you promise you will talk to Anita about it. You take to wearing baggy clothing so they don't see your bones poking through and you start to sleep more often on your own, when they mention it you chide them and tell them you are being kept awake by their snoring. “I need my beauty sleep,” you say to them and smile as if you do not have a care in the world.
All of you have had enough nightmares for one lifetime and you pray each time you are crippled with the pain that someone will make it go away. It's not the dying that panics you, its leaving Steve and Bucky alone. You know they will have each other but you know your death would hurt them and you do not want either of them to have any more pain or loss in their lives.
But it seems that often what you want and what you get are two different matters. You eventually make an appointment to see Anita because you have started to feel faint and you cannot keep food down. You can count your ribs and yet other parts of your body start to swell. Without even doing much you find you are exhausted at times. You cannot catch your breath just walking up the stairs. And all the time you hide it from them, hide everything. But you do not realise in the long term that all you are doing is putting off the inevitable and it will just make it more difficult for you to tell them what is wrong when the time comes. It will also be more difficult for them to take it in out of the blue.
But you tell yourself you are keeping them in the dark with all the best intentions. After all, it may all go away.
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A Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Fic - The Constant