Inner Conflicts

Inner Conflicts--Part 10 A/N: Sorry about the wait... the story is done having been posted long ago, just needed some time to reformat it between other things. Inner Conflicts Part 10 Monday night was spent being loud and trying to be silly.  Several of the X-teens fell for the act, relaxing and joking in return. But Scott, Logan, and the Professor didn't look too convinced that everything was fine. Kurt avoided their eyes.  It was a foolish notion, really. . . if Professor Xavier really wanted to know what was going on. . . then he'd be able to extract his memories almost as simply as snapping his fingers. Logan. . . well. . . Logan was always suspicious, so Kurt wasn't that worried about him. Scott, however. . . Kurt felt his heart clench. Scott had been like a brother to him. So why was he too afraid to tell Scott the truth? Kurt snuck a glance at Scott. The older mutant was now staring at a glass of juice, looking as if he were lost in thought. Kurt stiffled a sigh as Evan elbowed him, having said the punch line of some joke. He was unaware of the sudden look that both Xavier and Jean gave him. X Kurt was about ready to go in when he swore he felt something.  It was as if a feather brushed through his skull. He tensed up and immediately thought of a wall. A moment later, he heard a knock on his door. "Come in," he said, trying to sound calm. The door pushed opened, and Xavier's chair moved in.   He smiled benevolently at Kurt. Kurt offered a small smile in return.  "Hey, Professor. Can I help you vith something?" "Actually, Kurt. . . I was hoping I could help you." "Vhat do you mean?" Kurt asked, his face taking on a puzzled look.  At the same time, he tried to keep up the mental wall he thought up.  Nothing coming in, nothing going out. The corners of Xavier's lips twitched downwards.   "I thought we should talk." It took every ounce of will power to keep his heart still beating normally.  But still. . . the words drained him, and Kurt felt his body slumping.  "Over vhat?" he asked, dreading  the next words. "How are you feeling?" "I'm fine, Professor. Really."  Well. . . at least I'm not hurting any more. "You still seem almost distant, Kurt.  Is there something on your mind that you'd like to talk about." Kurt kept silent.  He wanted to. . . but. . . that shame was threatening to overwhelm him again.  To tell the Professor that he wasn't strong enough to fend off an unwanted male suitor. . . it was to laugh.  As an X-men, it was just wrong.  He was part of an elite group, defenders of mutants and humanity and all that sort of thing.  To be unable to handle a problem like the one he had. . . Kurt slowly shook his head.  "No.  Nothing right now." And not ever.  I should be able to fix this myself.  Of course I can fix this myself. "What about school?" "Everything is fine, Professor," Kurt said, trying to keep any trace of annoyance and pleading out of his voice.  "I have a test tomorrow so I really need some sleep. . . if it's all right vith you. . ." "Of course, Kurt."   There was a hint of disappointment in Xavier's eyes, as well as sadness. Kurt's nuetral face melted into one of sorrow as soon as Xavier left his room. The Professor really wanted to help.  His heart knew that. But this was something that was too uncomfortable to just talk about as if it were some minor even in his life.   With a sigh, Kurt turned off his lights and crawled into his bed. Within moments, he fell asleep. X Blue and flash colored limbs entwined. . . Deep moaning. . . Heavy breathing. . . Gasps of air and hushed whispers. . . Good. . . so good. . . Fingers dancing across skin and fur. . . Teeth grazing sensitive skin. . . Fire coursing throught each one's body. . . Cries of pleasure. . . Cries of release. . . A feeling of completion. X Lance woke up as his body shuddered violently. His eyes snapped open, staring at the ceiling above him. The sticky mess in his boxers was already cooling against his skin. Shit. . . I haven't had a wet dream like since the night after I first fucked that chick Samantha. His lips curved upward. If everything went according to plan, Kurt was going to be his fuck toy one way or another. X Kurt woke up with a gasp. His nerves tingled as the imaginary fingers still trailed over his arms and legs. During the dream, it had felt good.  He wanted so much more that it hurt! But awake. . . it scared hiShciShciese, vhat if I do like it? Kurt shook his head.  No. . . no, it just had to be tricks from a fading dream. X Kurt stood in the cafeteria, wondering which line he should get into for food. Suddenly, a paper bag was shoved into his hands, followed by a quick yet tight hug. "See ya after  school," he heard the familiar voice call out. Kurt barely spotted Lance as he was quickly lost amid the sea of loud student. Kurt looked down at the bag in his hand.   It was take-out food. Slowly opening the bag, an aroma of fries and hamburger rose up to greet his nose. His stomach growled greedily. It had been too long since his body had eaten burgers, and it wasn't shy about reminding him. A small note lay inside. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.  GOT MY FIRST B. LIBRARY OR MY PLACE? L. Two emotions warred against one another. On one side, he felt proud that he was able to help a slacker like Lance bring up his grade. On the other side, he was in shock with disbelief that Lance would so casually assume that he would still tutor him after yesterday afternoon. The first emotion won out as he allowed himself a small smile. He was hungry and he had food. X "Hey, where did you get that?" asked Evan, holding up his wimpy looking school burger. Kurt took a bite out of his juicy burger and shrugged.  "The guy I tutor got a B.  He vanted to thank me, I guess." "Man, maybe I should study more so I can become a tutor and have people bring me food as a way of thanks!" said Evans, snagging Rogue's milk carton before she could protest. Scott gave him a look.  "Is this guy a Senior then?" he asked. "I. . . don't know," said Kurt.  "I guess.  I mean, only Seniors are allowed to leave campus for lunch. Right?" Kurt avoided eye contact with Scott.  If he had said "no," then chances were that Scott would try to find out who the delinquent was . Scott, in the meantime, frowned.  He had a sinking feeling that Kurt was lying to him.  But why? For one moment, he had almost believed that Kurt was finally being himself again.  But he then caught on to the worried looks that Xavier would give to Kurt every now and then. Even Jean confided in him that Kurt was sometime projecting feelings of confusion and fear. And yet. . . he hadn't come to him. Ever since he first met the blue mutant, Scott thought they had developed a trusting relationship.  Sure, they had arguments every once in a while, but they alwaade ade up and went off for a cruise in his convertible. So why wasn't Kurt seeking him out this time? Was it possible that he was too embarrassed about the attack? And just what had happened? At first, Scott thought that maybe someone did more than just beat up Kurt.  After all, his shirt was and and there was blood on his tail.  But he had shut that idea out.   Nobody would have done that to a thing looking like Kurt. . . unless they knew and understood what he was.  Even then. . . but. . . the only ones to know what Kurt looked like was everybody at the institute, the Brotherhood, Mageneto anstiqstique, and Kurt's parents.  And he certainly couldn't see any of them doing that to Kurt. Which put him back in square one.  What had happened that made Kurt too afraid to talk to him? X Lance snuck a peek at his watch. Hmmm. . . Blue boy should start feeling the effects by now. X Kurt tried not to squirm in his seat. His teacher had been talking about bonding molecules when the image of bonding people popped into his mind. And almost immediately, he felt himself growing warm as part of him began to grow. He shifted again, trying to find a position that would give him relief while he tried to will his gowing erection away. It was embarassing! It wasn't like he was thinking about sex or anything.  Just bonding molecules, becoming one. . . unifying. . . This was just great.  He was certainly the world's greatest dork, being turned on by molecules. As he tried to focus on the teacher's lecture, he leaned forward and propped his arms against the desk.  His own finger rubbed slightly against his arms, feeling the fur underneath his human hologram. He stared down at his hands for a moment. It was strange that when he touched himself. . . well. . . not in that manner. . . but. . . well, his arms. . . it brought him a sense of comfort.  That need to be held gently and never let go. Yet, when another person. . . Lance . . . touched him. . . it provoked both feelings of fear and. . . desire. That's was what that feeling was.  The desire to be loved enough that there was no fear should he and the other person coupled. . . bonded like the molecules. To be held and touched in a way bro brough about pleasure. But with a girl! Not another boy. . . But he still made you feel good, didn't he? his own voice mocked him inside his head. Kurt squirmed again.  It was going to be a long wait till school was over. . . tbc