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Reviews for Novus Lupus

By : TheMadSlasher
  • From ANON - bulma90_13 on January 31, 2013
    This was a very creepy premise, but I think you handled it with tact, and I'm glad the ending was satisfying and "happy" despite the unnumbered deaths.

    I also appreciated the BDSM disclaimer at the beginning. I wonder if you had the foresight to include that, or if you were prompted into writing such a comprehensive blanket disclaimer because of people throwing a fit. What you said was, in my opinion, what should be assumed about a work of fiction, especially a story like yours that is about a dystopia. In short, if anyone thinks that you were portraying anything close to reality BDSM, they need to do a wikipedia search and STFU.

    That aside, the only thing I think you could improve on is mostly my personal preferences. I would have liked more paragraph spacing between chunks of narration and dialogue. It is just more aesthetically pleasing to me. Also on a personal preference note, I am not fond of using things like "the inventor" for Tony, "the thunderer" for Thor, etc. Using those names once or twice would have been fine, but during the sex scenes, it brought me out of it a little bit because I had to think about who you were referring to, and then it kind of seemed funny to me, rather than sexy. Even if you think you would sound repetitive with always using their names, I would have preferred it. Or you could have used more "he, his" etc. As long as the scene is described well, we can probably follow which "he" you're talking about. Also, paragraph spacing would help with that. Maybe when talking about a new "he" you start a new paragraph.

    **tl;dr, I really enjoyed this foray into a D/s dystopia.**
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