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Reviews for First Times at Bayville High

By : DrunkenScotsman

From Daye on May 22, 2012
I think its blatantly obvious that you don't understand Jean at all, This is a travesty and a disgrace and you're darn lucky Agent G isn't still reading because then you'd be getting this in stereo. :-P

Nah, I'm joking. Though I am wondering how you can justify this. I could get her losing her virginity to Duncan before she got into the relationship with Scott. But afterwards is another matter. I don't think Duncan and Jean really met after that.

Well, looking forward to seeing how it works out.
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From marvelmaster616 on April 05, 2012
Nice chapter. I've been waiting for it for quite a while. I was looking forward to how you would resolve the Amanda/Kurt issue. That was my chief concern after reading the previous chapter. I'm glad you made an effort to make it fit within the context of the series. It really wasn't clear what happened with Kurt and Amanda in the show so I can't see why this wouldn't work. However, I still find it somewhat off that Kurt and Amanda would just break up so unceremoniously. Especially given how their relationship was developed in the show. But that's just me being fond of how their relationship was established I guess. It was still an enjoyable chapter. The valley girl perspective was a little messy at times, but since it's being told from Kitty's perspective and that's how she was portrayed in the show I think it works. I think it worked much better than when you did Rahne's accent. You're very good at telling stories from a first person perspective and I applaud you for your attention to detail here. The sex scene itself was also pretty well-thought out. First times do tend to be uncomfortable and unpleasant. It seemed a little off for Kitty to not reassure him at the end, but the details themselves were nicely done so overall I think your handling of it was solid.

So who is next? You've got plenty more characters to work with and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how you go about it. Please keep up the good work. Until next time, take care and best wishes!

MarvelMaster616
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From Daye on April 04, 2012
Aww, man. You are so cruel to these poor people. I was expecting the kicker to be something along the lines of them not having used contraception but.. poor Kurt.

Have to say I don't mind your reasoning about Kurt and Amanda breaking up and the set up for the sex was decent enough. But I'm really saddened that after all this, Kurt and Kitty didn't end up together. I know Kitty's with Peter in this but man, do I hope Kurt's ended up with someone, :(
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From marvelmaster616 on March 09, 2012
I really like the method you're using here, taking time between one chapter that is sexually graphic and others that just have the girls talking. It makes the story feel more refined and it makes for nice setup. The conversations between the girls feel very real and genuine. You continue to show that you have a knack for good conversational dialog and character development. I still think the accent with Rahne was a little excessive and hard to understand at times. But she wasn't the main focus of this chapter, so that wasn't nearly as big an issue. Also, I can see you've done some research and gotten some help from my good friend, Agent G, on filling in the details for X-men Evolution. I'm glad you're paying that much attention to detail. It makes the story feel more refined.

For a while I thought you were going to set up a Kitty/Lance scene. I'm glad you didn't because I didn't really like that pairing in the show. I had a soft spot for Kitty and Kurt though. They definitely had potential. But I'm not sure about the setup here. If this takes place during Cruise Control, then that means it takes place after Kurt and Amanda got together. So if he slept with Kitty, does that mean he cheated on her? What's the story? I really hope you find a way to explain that because it would really be bad for both characters in my opinion if Kurt cheated on Amanda with Kitty. I still have high hopes that you can make this work and I look forward to seeing what you have in store. Thanks and I appreciate your support on Festival of X.

MarvelMaster616
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From Daye on March 08, 2012
Hmm. Kurrrty. Everybody loves Kurrty. Poor Lance never gets any action :-P

Thinking about the cruise episode I seem to recall Rogue was absent as well. Since she was still recovering from the whole 'powers went batshit crazy' thing.

I know its happens in real life but the 'x month anniversary' thing always amuses me. Does anyone know where the word 'anniversary' is derived from?

So anyway more petty bickering and hints at bad things happening to certain girls. Looking forward to the valley girl's story.
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From Daye on February 29, 2012
Ok, I have to admit this isn't your strongest work. The 'whole thing on camera' is really out of nowhere and just seems to happen... because Rahne said it did last chapter. But mostly its just because I'm not really into Rahne. And read this chapter over the coming

I did like the continued dash of realism to the sex scenes. With the first Jamie's overexcitement.

As to the accent. It did bother me a bit at the start but I stopped noticing as I got going. I'm just a bit too far south to comment on the accuracy of the accent and slang but there was certainly no terms there that I didn't know or were immediately apparent from the context.
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From marvelmaster616 on February 26, 2012
I enjoyed this chapter. I think you definitely improved on the accent issues. It was still a bit tough to follow at times. I didn't get some of the slang words that Rahne was using and it read kind of strangely at times. But overall, it was a nicely thought out scene. Jamie and Rahne have had a history in the comics and I think it was hinted at in the show if only slightly. Throwing a video camera into the mix was an interesting twist. It's not usually something people do on their first time, but then again I can see how the heat of the moment might take over. lol Rahne's multi-orgasmic performances were pretty out there. Given her powers, maybe she was in heat or something. It sounds like something that could have and maybe should have been elaborated on. But I still enjoyed it.

So who is next? Which couple will tell their story now? I look forward to your next take. Please keep up the good work. And thank you for your support on Festival of X! Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616
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From MarvelFan98 on February 05, 2012
Hey

Great story. Really enjoying it so far. I like the interludes with all the girls talking and I like the way you're making the characters your own, even if it may be a little out of character. I can't wait to hear Rahne's story as she's one of my favorite characters along with Danielle. I also hope you do something for Rogue, maybe A solo thing like has already been mentioned. Anyways keep up the good work, can't wait for more
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From marvelmaster616 on February 05, 2012
Another nice chapter. Definitely an improvement in my opinion. I would have liked to see a flashback that showed Amara apologizing to Sam for her reaction. I figure that if she didn't get pregnant, she would feel pretty bad about it. But if the focus was simply on first times, I suppose that works. The girl talk after certainly was entertaining. And informative too, noting the difference between latex condoms and polyurethane. But everyone seems to have their opinion on first times. I really like how they got into a whole discussion about what the word 'fire crotch' meant. lol That was a nice touch. So now it seems like we'll get a depiction of Rahne's first time. I look forward to this, but I think you've overdone the accent a bit. I know she's Scottish and all, but it was kind of hard to read what she was saying. I think you should cut back on that and just use a few adisms like "Aye" and "lass" and "dinnae." Also, Rahne sleeping naked and being so blunt about sex seems a little OOC, but I'm willing to see how you play it out in the next chapter. I trust your skill to make it awesome. So please keep up the great work. And thanks for your support on Festival of X.

MarvelMaster616
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From Daye on February 04, 2012
Hmm. Foreshadowing for poor Tabby.

And Rogue comments were fun. Does this mean we don't get a spotlight for her? Perhaps she could have a solo scene. Have 'lose of virginity' be literal. As broken hymen via sex toys or whatever.

I don't think I've ever seen a story with a promiscuous Rahne. The only downside to using her; is that accent. I get X-Men comics and fics do tend to transliterate accents but that doesn't make them easier to read.
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From Daye on January 29, 2012
Made a forum post about this but I don't want to seem like I'm going behind AgentG's back or something. So I'll say this here; Once again I find myself in stark disagreement with some of the other reviewers. The idea that you've 'mischaracterised' Amara is silly, considering the cartoon itself barely characterised here anyway.

Yes, Amara wasn't that royal in the cartoon, because the Nova Roma princess stuff was entirely absent. You've added it back in from the comics. (Something I know AgentG has done) and you've actually integrated into her character. Which is a damn sight better than saying she's a princess and not having affect her attitude at all.

And look at when Amara gets all haughty and royal we. its when she's panicking and scared about the broken condom. That's not mischaracterisation. It's a stroke of genius. It implies that her normal behavior is affected; its an attitude she adopts to fit in with the other students. But when things really start going down and she panics; she reverts back to who she really is rather than her adopted persona. That's great.
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From marvelmaster616 on January 29, 2012
Another nice chapter that shows a great attention to detail that I don't see too often on this site. Once again, I commend you for taking the time to set the situation and develop the characters. I do agree with AgentG on some levels that you overplayed the royalty angle for Amara. She really wasn't all that royal in X-men Evolution. In fact, that aspect was never explored that much and for the most part, she did act like a normal teenager. It seems like a shift here, but beyond that I think you painted a very realistic description of Amara's first time with Sam. Not every first time is going to be memorable. In fact, sometimes it can go horribly wrong. A condom breaking would definitely qualify. Again, I really applaud you for going into the kind of detail that most writers don't give when they write a story on this site. This felt very real and very honest. I really do want to see what you do with this. Will other couples get involved? How far do you plan to take this story? I look forward to seeing what happens next. Please keep up the good work. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616
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From shadowblade65 on January 28, 2012
excellent story so far i feel really sorry for sam hopefully they patch up real good keep up the good work
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From Daye on January 28, 2012
Holy crap. Poor Sam. That is not the standard porn 'loss of virginity goes awesomely' story.

The story telling theme in interesting as you've done not to facilitate a flashback but to tell it on their own words. Which means first person writing and less explicit porn. You've done it quite well though and in most parts it really does sound how Amara might describe the situation.

Still Amara's background has been entirely lifted from the comics? I don't recall any princess of nova roma stuff in the cartoon. Just brazillian chick with an affinty for volcaneos. Still the princess background is worth it just for the scene of the panic amara suddenly starting to use the royal we. :D
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From Daye on January 13, 2012
A decent enough start. A bit exposition heavy but I guess that's hard to avoid for this kind of thing. Have to wonder if you're over doing the 616 references a bit. Really it was just Jubilee that felt a little forced. Evo Jubilee only really favoured the yellow coat as far as I know. Not the rest of the 616 get up. And since the evo Jubilee still has her parents, the 'mall is home' thing also sounded a bit odd.

Nevertheless, I don't want to sound too negative, I'm looking forward to more.
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