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Reviews for First Times at Bayville High

By : DrunkenScotsman

From Aysha on December 01, 2012
I will say that chapter 11 is quite gripping.
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From Aysha on December 01, 2012
Chapter ten: Wow that was rugh but well done.
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From Aysha on December 01, 2012
Chapters 7&8 while coming of very sexy felt forced your portrayal of Jean didn't really feel like ant incarnation of the Jean character I know.
I think you forgot the human factor. No matter how cerebral a person thinks of him or herself they will always give in to the animalistic nature of sex. What you did with this was just too clinical.

As for the cheating aspect: I feel that this character was lying to herself to begin with. She felt no real attachment to Duncan at all, and Duncan had no respect for Jean as a person so as far as I�m concerned he deserved no consideration what so ever.
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From Aysha on December 01, 2012
Chapters 6&7 Very cool. :)
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From Aysha on November 30, 2012
Chapter three & four were awsom!
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From Aysha on November 30, 2012
Chapter one was good I enjoyd it very much. Chapter two was great.

You made only one mistake however.

�Not beyond the typical pain of virginity,� I comforted him. To help him understand my sincerity, I kissed him again, passionately this time. He responded by pushing further inside."
Right here you had her say futher insted of farther. I know that is what my brother would call nitpicky but a Royal would never make that mistake.

You had her grammer flawless until that point. Thanks for a good chapter I'm off to read three.
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From Daye on September 28, 2012
Finally got around to this. i liked it. People reacted pretty much like i expected.

And we're getting jubilee's tale? I thought she wasn't sharing lol. Dang, you're still going with the dark tales. So depressing. And the running away thing well.. I guess it makes her more like her 616 counterpart. Not sure about that but I'm interested what to read what you do with it,

That ending seemed a little abrupt though.
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From MarvelFan98 on September 23, 2012
Hey. I'm glad to see you were able to get another chapter written. After seeing your post on the forum I thought it would be longer before the next chapter came out. Anyways I liked this chapter. I thought it was good how the girls all seemed to react in different ways depending on how they each interpreted it. I do find the fact that Jubilee became a prostitute pretty strange but I won't judge until you've given more information. Keep up the great work and I'm sure the next chapter will be worth the wait regardless of how long it will take.
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From Daye on August 15, 2012
Oh man. You're killing me. That's terrible.

I mean Danni could make a very credible argument that she's just been raped. Since she was obviously unwilling. While the dialogue was vague enough that Bobby could also honest claim that she though had consented. Obviously there was no malice in his act. Just very poor communication.

Since this only happened very recently, I guess Danni doesn't have much cause to say 'she could be pregnant' beyond the whole unprotected sex thing right? When people say that kinda thing i usually associate it mentally with a 'i'm late' sort of scenario.

I'm guessing this story really killed the mood for the kills. We're never getting some fun light heart sex tales. :-( Can see what you said when you thought this might end up taking up the rest of the story.
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From marvelmaster616 on August 15, 2012
Glad to see another update. Your writing style is still as solid as ever. I'm always impressed with the easy readability of your stories. You tell great stories from the perspective of a character and you give just the right amount of detail. That said, this was one of my least favorite chapters. I know Danielle didn't get much screen time in X-men Evolution, but she just came off as a bit too fragile and weak here. And Bobby came off as way too much of a jerk. I think I understand what you were trying to do here. It's not easy for some women to have an orgasm. Some genuinely struggle and intercourse can be quite painful. But I think this chapter left too many details and emotions ambiguous. I'm not saying it's bad. I just think it could use a bit more tweaking to make it more compelling. But I guess that's up to you and if you say time is now a factor, I understand if you can't. I look forward to the reactions in the next chapter and as always I thank you for your support on Festival of X. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616
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From Daye on July 13, 2012
Ha, ha well Rogue would be jealous. And did you just reference the order of the stick intentionally?

Oh dear, poor Danielle her storys going to be sad isn't it?
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From marvelmaster616 on July 12, 2012
I enjoy these aftermath chapters. I don't enjoy them as much as the chapters that actually have the action, but they're still a vital part to the story and for that they have their place. This was okay, but I thought it was one of the weaker chapters. While I thought Jean's portrayal in the last issue was acceptable, I didn't really agree with it here. She has sex with Scott after Duncan was a jerk and then she went onto have sex with him too? I really don't think that's believable, even accounting for the liberties all writers take with her Evolution version in these stories. I just couldn't buy it. And now that she's with Scott, she's not even sleeping with him until they get married? After Amara talked about how she had an active sex life with Sam? I don't buy that either. She's okay with giving her virginity to Scott and sleeping with Duncan, but she thinks holding off is punishing herself? That just doesn't make sense. I think that should be revisited or revised. It can be good for a story as my Festival of X story has shown. I can believe them waiting until after the events of Blind Alley to get comfortable with what happened. I just don't think it fits with the thong-loving persona you've given Jean.

That said, I'm still very intrigued by what happened with Danielle. So she might be pregnant? How did that happen? I'm definitely interested in hearing more about that. Even if it requires waiting until mid-August, I'm willing to hold out. This is a solid, well-written story and I encourage you to continue your efforts. Also, thanks for your support on Festival of X. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616
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From Daye on June 19, 2012
Decent Chapter, DS, nice that you managed to write it despite being so busy.

Finally got around to reading this. Took me a while to get into this chapter. I don't know what it is about your Jean voice buts its not as compelling as some of the other's especially considering the job you did with her in Down Under. She just sounds so... formal and uses long words and stuff in a way that just makes her sound so stilted.

That said once it got moving, she started sound better and more normal (maybe that was intentional?) and I think you did Scott really well, with him obviously thinking hard before and after the events even if hormones and emotions got the better of him in between that.

And yes I did love the little aside about the dildo.
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From marvelmaster616 on June 17, 2012
I've been looking forward to this chapter. Not just because Jean Grey is among my favorite X-men characters, but because you've shown you can write her quite well. Sometimes you write her OOC, but you still write her well. This chapter and the premise set up in the last chapter was somewhat OOC, but not nearly to the extent of other characters in this story. Jean was never afraid to wear skin-tight outfits and model swimsuits in the comics. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to imagine that she would enjoy wearing thongs. lol I also don't think it's too much of a stretch to have her be more sexual than she lets on. Even in the comics, she's been shown to have a sweet, uptight side and a passionate side. The major theme here seemed to be Jean getting caught up in the moment with Scott. For the most part, I think you handled it pretty well. Definitely among the better scenes you've had in this story thus far. Some of the dialog still seemed a bit OOC, but overall I liked this chapter. As someone who has written Jean Grey with a naughty side as well, I really can't criticize too much so I applaud you for your efforts and I thank you for your support with my work as well both for X-men Supreme and Festival of X. Please keep up the good work. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616
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From marvelmaster616 on May 23, 2012
Nice to see an update on this story. It's been a while. I actually thought you might have shelved this story. I'm glad that's not the case. This was an interesting chapter with a few unexpected twists. I appreciate you trying to address the whole Wanda having her memories altered plot, but it seemed to emerge a bit randomly. And it seemed to be tabled just as quickly. Given how the X-men took on Wanda in the first season of the show and how it was common knowledge that Xavier visited Wanda at the insane asylum, I'm a bit perplexed at how it's being handled here. I'm not saying it's flawed yet, but it seems a bit convoluted. I hope you clear it up with future chapters. But not before you tell the story of Jean Grey's first time, of course. lol

I've very curious as to how you would handle her from the beginning of this series. You didn't really touch on her and Scott's relationship in the intro, but now I can understand way. I'm not sure how I feel about Jean Grey cheating though. It seems a bit OOC, especially in the context of the show. It's not the comics where she did have a wandering eye at times. But it depends on how it's handled and I'm more than willing to give it a chance in the next chapter. You've done a pretty good job of writing Jean Grey in the past, Down Under not withstanding. I'm confident you'll do so again. Thanks for sticking with this story and I look forward to your next entry, whenever it may be.

MarvelMaster616
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