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Reviews for The Virus

By : Royboy
  • From Lightning on February 22, 2009
    great ending are you going to write the sequel? hope so keep it up
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  • From marvelmaster616 on July 09, 2008
    Wow! That was some ending! You really went all out there. lol But I enjoyed it! It was everything you want a good smut fic to be. I liked how you used creative dialogue, having the girls talk dirty and show their appreciation so to speak. I also liked how you had the men team up on some of the girls and really go to town with them. There was plenty of good description and hot moments. But I think some of your descriptions needed a bit more organization so that they didn't run together like run-on sentences. I also wished you were a little more vivid in some areas, namely the earlier scenes that involved only a few couples at a time. But by and large those are minor faults to an otherwise very enjoyable fic! And you even mentioned me at the end! That I really appreciate. I definitely encourage you to continue writing. This was a great start, but my biggest complaint was that it was too short. It left me wanting more! I hope you have more stories to tell. If they're as hot as this one I can't wait to read them! Keep up the excellent work and again, great job! Slickboy out.
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  • From on July 05, 2008
    Well it's a unique way to cure them although there were some things in the story I wished you did. For one I really think Rogue got screwed over in this as she's most likely the only virgin after a story all about sex I mean she didn't get anything. I thought you'd at least come up with a way for her to get some action I mean there is technology that cancels out mutant powers. Plus she can touch Piotr in his amrored forme too. Also It's Douglock I think you're thinking of not Doug. He was killed off during Rahne's New Mutant days and also you made him have an accent for some reason in the last chapter he was in for no reason.

    Another was too many times the guy cums ON the girl, that gets dull after awhile. If you wanted them to cum in the girl without them worrying about pregnacy or something you could have just writen them using condoms if that's the reason. It just seems too much like an average porn video at times. So if you do a sequel I hope you remember that. Oh and for your information apparently mutants can't get things like AIDS it has something to do with the x-gene as it was stated by Paige in an x-man comic once.

    For the most part the ending was good though only that you were still making things pretty complicated. That thing with Jean/Scott/Forge at the bar I don't think was possible weren't they sitting on something? If so then how could she be giving Forge a blow job? Also you have some characters going at it and then all of a sudden they're with someone else just like that. It just feels like you have them in two different places at once because there's no way to tell when they stopped and switched. You really need work on that, I think you should take more time to look over things to make sure they make sense and that they are physically possible and better descriptions to get a decent visual.

    But for a first time story it wasn't bad, you need more work but that comes with time and practice and I do wonder what you'll come up with next and I want to see how you improve with the next story as well so I hope you continue on.



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  • From marvelmaster616 on July 04, 2008
    Wow, this is getting really good! I'm impressed! I love the way you've written out these sex scenes. They're a lot more developed than the first one you had with Alex and Lorna. And I can totally see Emma as the ultimate Sex Ed teacher! lol That's just totally her. You've done a good job mixing playful banter with sexuality. That competition between Scott, Jean, Betsy, and Warren was just too great for words! You had them really going at it well and I think you set up the perfect setting in the weight room. That part where Betsy literally bent over backwards to suck Warren off was my favorite part! That and Jean's dirty talk. Seriously, keep it up! I'll definitely read more! You have me hooked! I look forward to seeing what happens next and what antics come of this! Keep it up! Slickboy out.
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  • From on June 27, 2008
    Yeah it looks like you're getting better with each chapter. You put in more detail and a little more story to make the plot flow along so you can put in more sex along with it. The only problem is that sometimes it gets confussing what is going on. One part had Jean facing away then all of a sudden I think the was facing Scott I'm not sure because you need to be more clear on your decriptions at times. When you get more complex you need to make sure people know what they're doing because we have no idea what you have in mind.

    Other than that, I liked the chapter even that little humor thrown in and that bit that Kitty said to Emma on how they first met lol. That was a good one.I can't wait to see who is next, although I am wondering how you'll get around Rogue's powers but it's not that hard to come up with something for her which I guess this would be her first time. Oh that reminded me, were any of those girl's in the last chapters virgins? I ask because first times usually vary how well it is for them and they acted like they all had sex a few times before.

    I liked the competition you made up in this too that was a neat idea.
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  • From bluelioness on June 26, 2008
    oooh, nice smutty idea ;) just please tell me Beast gets laid a few times - there's not enough of that in the fanfic world. I agree with a couple of the other viewers that it felt too short and could have been more detailed, but aside from that not bad and looking forward to seeing what pairings you rack up in this fic.
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  • From on June 26, 2008
    Yeah this chapter was a lot better and a lot more fun to read. I can see where you're going this is just a for fun smut fic but don't rush things too much. If it's too quick and dirty it's not interesting and looks like you're not putting in any effort so people aren't interested. Now if all your chapters are about this length then that would be good. Plus you dragged out the sex nicely too. Although I personally would like to see the guys come inside of the women instead of just on them all the time. If you're going with many different variations then at the end I would have had things like one girl gets cum on her face, back, in her pussy, swallows a load even in her ass but you didn't have any anal this time so not that.


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  • From marvelmaster616 on June 25, 2008
    Not bad for a beginning. It was a little short, but I like the idea you've got here. And I encourage you to go with it. Good scene with Alex and Lorna too. Loved the dirty talk. lol Please continue and keep up the good work.
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  • From on June 25, 2008
    Not bad for starting off although the first chapter is kind of short, it felt kind of rushed to be honest and the sex scene could have had more detail easily. I think it would be much better if you just took your time and added in more details and maybe extend on any plot points while in the story too. But I am looking forward to seeing where you are going with this. Although I don't like m/m so I hope you don't mind me skipping those parts.
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