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Reviews for Cinderellas

By : Nemain
  • From genesis777 on July 19, 2008
    THAT WAS IT
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  • From ANON - Richard O. on September 02, 2004
    Good story.
    I think you have captured a hard part of life, in a good story.
    Sorry, I really suck at review.
    Anyway, keep up the good work.
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  • From ANON - ApriL on April 16, 2004
    That was a good chap...yeah. But...but...is it the end?
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  • From ANON - Hunter Z on April 16, 2004
    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. T you you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.nk ynk you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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  • From ANON - Chibi on April 15, 2004
    Woo! Yes! Pretty story! *pets* Lovely, all of it. Is it over now? If it is, too bad, but it was really good. If not, good, more! ^^
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  • From ANON - Chibi on April 07, 2004
    Mooooreee!! T___T *sniffle* Now! Don't do this to meee... em... them... fix it! Now! T__T Great story by the waou wou write really good. ^^ *sniffles in the background*
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  • From ANON - April on April 06, 2004
    i was right! i was right! *points at screen hysterically* wait, no...that's bad. *sigh* Yeah, bad. Update soon please
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  • From ANON - rubberduck on April 05, 2004
    wow, what an interesting choice for 'fairygodmother'. hehe. you have to feel sorry for the guy. he was only doing it out of love and things blew up in everyone's face. can't wait to see how all this will be resolved. bet i won't have to wait to long either.
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  • From ANON - Loren on March 30, 2004
    Ch13 This is gonna be bad, aint it?
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  • From ANON - Hunter Z on March 28, 2004
    More Chaps! Please for the Divine's Sake MORE!!!!!!
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  • From ANON - April on March 24, 2004
    I don't think it's Jubilee but for some strange reason, Pietro flew into my mind. *shudder* Good chap.
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  • From ANON - rubberduck on March 21, 2004
    hmmm, something's up, but who could have sent her that dress? i think she should have read the note jubilee left her. i like this story and well basically all your stories (that i've managed to read. you write fast and often) i can't wait to find out all that is to happen. i wonder who theairyairy godmother' is.
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  • From ANON - April on March 13, 2004
    I'm loving this story so please update soon =]
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  • From ANON - ApriL on March 08, 2004
    HOLY SHIT! Sorry, that was just really unexpected on my part. Hm...I guess it would be the "right thing". I'm not sure. Well, I'm lovin' this story so update soon please
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  • From ANON - UnknownSource on March 06, 2004
    That was just cruel. You're trying to make me cry arent you? First ending "It's always something" now breaking up Jubilee and Rahne. Apox on thee evil minion of satan! Ok that aside i'll get into the reviewy/critquey part. See i'm trying to act all professional in my reviews now, i have a little page of notes i made as i read it and all.
    Right, starting with chapter one: I liked it overall, well i liked all of it overall, but the lightheartedness at the beginning of the scene was vgoodgood, misleding the reader into thinking this was a mainly fluffy story instead of the rollercoaster ride it's becomming. Though one thing, you're kind of blunt. In you're writing there is very little subtext, most of what is done or said is just said outright. Which while is good in someplaces, can make for a slightly bland reading in others. Dont feel the need to discribe what the characters are feelings in a short sentence or two, let the reader figure it out for themselves by giving subtle hints here and there about the character or setting. Instead of saying something like "Jubilee looked anxious" go for the slightly longer "Jubilee fidgeted a little uncomfortably", it's not as clear cut, but you can embroder on that and also branch it out into different thing, maybe she wasnt really anxious just bored. With the less specific straight forward text it is easier to change the flow of the story than if you have outright comments in places then change it latter. Looks like you are contradicting yourself .As it is written in first person perspective maybe a deeper inlook into Rahne's feelings wouldn't go amiss either. Maybe getting deeper into why she doesnt want to go to the prom, is it solely fear of coming out? Or maybe it is embarassment? Or is it that she really isnt secure in this relationship? Or maybe she doesnt really love Jubilee, just thought she did? Or countless other reasons, have her guess and second guess herself and others. Write her thoughts the way your own thoughts are thought, thoughts are chaotic little buggers at best and arent half as clear as what you have written here. Sometimes one half of your brain wants you to do one thing, while the rest is saying fuck that.

    Ok moving swiftly onto my next item of business Jubilee. In their relationship it seems like Jubilee is the more active member, she's the one that is a lot more confident about them both while Rahne is still quite insecure. Jubes seems to be a pretty straightforward girl, who knows stands by her choices and seems to know what she wants. Which is why i dont understand why she covers up her feelings. She's obviously terrified about the note she acts chirppy until showing it to Rahne. And when she does show Rahen the note she is nealry in tears, personally I would've expected her angry and in tears ready to beat the shit out of the sender. Whereas Rahne would be the more worried one. Though I suppose this could be because it was a specific attack on Jubilee, and would make her scared. In that case, why not go deeper into her fear? What is their real fears? Is it being disowned by their friends? Getting thrown out of school? Attacked? Maybe Rahne would quesiton their relationship, is it worth the presecution?
    I like your characterisation of Rahne, it is very good and gives a lot of depth to her character. You touched on the wolf thing a few times, maybe you could delve deeper into that side of her personality. She got very angry when she and Jubes were threatened, maybe this could be a problem in the future if someone else trying to insult them. Again discription, discription, discription are ever important. Your dialogue while good, is sometimes just dialogue. You could add in make actions the character says making the words, their tone of voice or just how Rahne hears and interupts it. Similarly, detail about the scenery would be nice. Plus when did St. John join the institute and who are these younger students? Maybe this has already been addressed and i've just forgotten. Anyway, overall i'm loving this fic, the way you write Rahne is adorable, i really like your version of her./
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