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Reviews for Down Under

By : DrunkenScotsman
  • From Daye on October 29, 2011
    Congratulations on finishing the story. I've enjoyed it all the way through. Hope to see more writing with this level of thought put into it.
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  • From shadowblade65 on October 29, 2011
    just finished DownUnder and thought it was excellent i'm hoping you do more storys like this one i was a big fan of this cartoon X-MEN and also Evolution. But this story is great i hope you do some kind of spin off of some kind with St.John visiting or something like that but anyway keep up the good work
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  • From Daye on October 09, 2011
    Decent Chapter. Can't think much to sat beyond that. Feeling a bit sorry for St. John though. It's ironic that he's not much for one-nighters either.
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  • From marvelmaster616 on October 08, 2011
    I'll try to make this brief because I'm finding it harder to follow this story. I appreciate what you're doing with Jean, making it so that she understands that this was a one-night stand and nothing more. I'm also glad you took some time to explain what happened with her and Cyclops, but I still don't get why she refers to him as her ex-husband because if she wasn't dead then technically their marriage was never annulled. And he never slept with Dazzler, yet she slept with John (and possibly Mastermind). Yet now she offers that he join the X-men and introduce him to Scott? I really find that difficult to get around. I mean you make it clear that Jean still clearly loves Scott. She said his name while she was sleeping and remembered their first time together only after sleeping with someone else? That just seems off. And you seem to imply that she wants to go back to Scott. That's a bit more in line with who she is, but after she essentially cheated on him? And after he never even went that far with Dazzler? It just doesn't seem to fit. And John just seems way too Gary-Stu, asking Jean to stay in Australia with him. Was he even serious? I mean this is AFTER she told him they shouldn't sleep together.

    I will say that the last two chapters have gone a way to making sense of Jean's actions. In terms of stories about a one night stand, this is probably the best written story of it's kind. But I think you're characterization with Jean is really off and I'm finding it really hard to really embrace this story as I have your other stories (which are still awesome by the way). I would like to see how you work this out, but I honestly don't see how you can after what Jean has done. I hope you do another story that centers around Jean Grey, but I think this one just has too many flaws. Sorry if that wasn't too brief, but I'm trying to be constructive here because I did enjoy a good deal of the story leading up to the past few chapters. If ever you want to chat more about them, feel free to email me at any time.

    MarvelMaster616
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  • From marvelmaster616 on September 24, 2011
    I wasn't going to review another chapter, but I felt compelled to offer my input. Overall, I'm glad you spent a chapter explaining Jean's actions. However, I don't think they completely account for what has transpired throughout this fic. It still comes off as OOC. So she just needed to scratch an itch? I can understand that to a point, but the way she's gone about it just doesn't seem to fit. I still don't think John was a good character to fit that role. He still comes off as too perfect and too nice. But he wasn't the focus of this chapter so I won't belabor that point. I actually liked that you had Jean wrestle with other parts of her persona, much like she did during the Phoenix Saga. I also liked the flashback with her and Scott. However, it still feels inconsistent for lack of a better word. I like the premise you've set up here, having Jean step away from the X-men and do some self-exploration that involves sexual exploration as well. I just don't think it came together. It still doesn't take away from the fact that this is extremely well-written and you have a great feel for Jean Grey's character. I sincerely hope you still use her in future stories. For this one, it just seems too inconsistent. I'll still follow the last few chapters, however many there may be. But I can't imagine it being very pleasant for Jean or for Scott. Overall, I still enjoy your stories a great deal. I urge you to keep writing them.

    Regards,
    MarvelMaster616
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  • From Daye on September 24, 2011
    Well, I hope Agent G and MutantMaster are still reading. It seems that Jean shares their concerns.

    Nice chapter. I thought the beginning was kind of overdone but the moment when she rolls over expecting Scott and seeing St.John instead was excellent. Remembering the line Lorne has in an episode of Angel; "Do you think you're the first person to roll over, see the person next to them and go 'aaaargh'?" Jean seems to have undergone a similar epiphany afterwards as well.
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  • From dsone222 on August 25, 2011
    I like this series and the chapter where they finally have sex. It's a fanfic. It doesn't have to be completely canon and you're free to write your own characters. It's totally fine, and I like St. John. Please write more!
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  • From Daye on August 23, 2011
    With respect to the other reviewers, if they didn’t see this coming a mile off, that’s their lookout. The entire fic has been building up to this point. As for him being a ‘Gary Stu’ well i find that term near meaningless anyway. What’s Gary Stuish about him? That he’s a decent chap who’s getting to bang Jean Grey? Yes, he’s a decent chap, a good poet and a mutant, yet all these qualities and aspects are well portrayed and necessary for the story. The decent chap bit is necessary for Jean to want to shag him, the poetry served as an introduction and method to explore and resolve some of Jean’s Phoenix issues and his mutant powers are there so Jean doesn’t have to keep secrets and can feel comfortable for him. The idea that Jean should be running back to Scott and the X-Men is also strange, since she’s gone all the way to Australia because she wants to get away from them and that life for a bit.

    Now on to my review of the chapter itself: I’m liking it a lot. The dialogue and concerns expressed before the scene are more realistic than standard porn fare. Jean not wanted to kiss him as well seems significant, which could an indication of her feelings for St John basically being based in lust rather than love. The description of weird psionic presence mid-climax is intriguing, is that just the way Jean cums hard? Or is it supposed to be more sinister? Like a phoenix force remnant?

    Greatly looking forward to more, I wonder how things are going to turn out, I think St John’s going to be disappointed if he think Jean’s going to stay in Australia and I can’t imagine that he’s going to be come and X-Man so a bittersweet parting is going to be on the horizon I think. Maybe St. John can organise lots of NYC poetry tours for himself...

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  • From marvelmaster616 on August 22, 2011
    I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to say I'm disappointed with this. You're a great writer. This whole chapter was beautifully written and all, but I just don't buy the whole premise you've set up. For one, as AgentG said you've made St. John WAY too Gary Stu. It would make a bit more sense if he was a complete OC and wasn't related to Pyro in any ways, but having him be Pyro's brother that just happens to be the complete opposite? I'm sorry, but that's a little contrived. I could accept that if Jean decided not to sleep with him, but she did and I don't buy into her reasons for doing so. You never fully explained what drove Jean and Scott so far apart. I mean if you're using the Phoenix Saga from the animated series or even the comics, that's a bit of a flawed premise because they weren't driven apart by that. In fact, that brought them closer. And earlier in the series, I don't feel as though you set it up to show that they were really over. You had Cyclops say he loved her and yet Jean goes on and sleeps with a guy she barely knows. I'm sorry, but that just makes her out to be too much of a skank who doesn't care that she's hurting someone who you had say he loves her. If you spent a little more time establishing that Cyclops and Jean's relationship was over then that would be different, but that wasn't made clear. You gave the impression that Jean Grey was just off trying to collect herself after the Phoenix affair. Now she's sleeping with guys she just met? I just don't buy into it and I think the plot has somewhat fallen apart.

    Now that's not to say you have a bad idea here, but I think you need to go back and reread some of what you did. The premise doesn't match the outcome. There are just too many flaws in it. I think it would have made more sense for Jean to just be tempted, but then pull back or maybe have it turn out to be a fantasy in the end. Or even an illusion or a trick played by Pyro or some other villain. As it stands now, I think it just doesn't work.

    I love your writing style and how you've written Jean for the most part. I urge you to continue to work on more X-men stories like this. However, I really was disappointed with this. I was hoping that you wouldn't take it this far, but you did. And I think it was too far. I urge you to rethink some of your ideas, but then again this is your story. You can do with it whatever you want. I'm just offering my input because I've enjoyed this story from the beginning and this chapter somewhat killed it for me.

    Again, I would love to see more Jean stories or just regular X-men stories from you. But I can't support this anymore. I'm sorry. I'm just being honest with you. I appreciate all the work you put into a story like this. I'm sure others will like it, but I personally just can't support it anymore. I wish you the best of luck on all your future stories and until next time, take care and best wishes. Also, thanks for your feedback on my work as well.

    Regards,
    MarvelMaster616
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  • From Daye on July 26, 2011
    Not lost interest. Definitely still here. :P

    I can't agree with MutantMaster, since you've consistent made it clear that Scott is Jean's EX-husband in this fic and that although they're very good friends they're not currently in a relationship. Nothing she does can be considered cheating at this point.

    As for the chapter its a decent read and its nice that St. John's consistently a decent sort, though not entirely innocent and perfect. Adds a nice touch of reality.

    Jean's poem wasn't awful I thought, but could easily go either way simply on the way it was read aloud. She also seemed to channeling a bit of Wesley Gibson's monologues from 'Wanted' at times.
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  • From marvelmaster616 on July 26, 2011
    I've really enjoyed this story thus far. I think you've done a great job of digging into Jean's psyche and had her deal with the real issues that probably come along with coming back from the dead. But after reading chapter 10, I'm a little concerned. If you're going to have Jean sleep with John, then I think that kills the story at least for me. A few chapters ago you had her call Cyclops and now it looks like you're going to have her cheat on him. Jean's not a cheater and to have her cross that line would be really OOC for her. It's your story. You can do whatever you want with it, but given how great your other stories have been I would be disappointed if you took it this far. I get that Jean was a little drunk by the end of this. I hope John doesn't take advantage of that even if Jean is trying to. I do want to see the next chapter, but if that chapter ends with Jean sleeping with John then I think that really brings down the story and it pretty much nullifies all the depth you've given Jean through this story. I hope you avoid that because this has been such a quality story and I think you should be proud of what you've done thus far. If you have a chance, I would love to know what you thought about my stories. But for now, I really hope you end this story on a strong note. I look forward to the next part. If ever you want to discuss it, feel free to contact me at any time. Thanks and keep up the good work.

    Regards,
    MarvelMaster616
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  • From Daye on June 28, 2011
    Writing on your honeymoon... that beyond dedication man.

    Decent chapter. Though that's one hell of a plot contrivance. It might have been interesting if he had been the real pyro and in full possession of his memories. No reason why the bad guys can't also be brilliant poets after all...
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  • From Daye on June 10, 2011
    Well that was an awesome scene. She's supposed to have came fifteen times? just from him fingering her? Either she's really repressed or he's some kind of sex god. Or both.

    Still you have a interesting way with words, often using one's that seem a little formal/technical for this kind of prose. Like Neurons or Aperture for example.
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  • From marvelmaster616 on June 03, 2011
    Another great chapter. I like how you played on the subtleties between John and Jean. It wasn't too flirtatious, but Jean clearly is aroused. I'm not sure if she's just horny or just craving intimacy. Either way, being a nude beach doesn't help. lol That was pretty funny. She says things that are prude, but inside she's anything but. lol I'm still not sure where you're taking it. I hope at some point she goes back to the institute and channels some of this arousal. lol I don't know where you're taking this. I'm very interested to see what Jean does. Keep up the good work! Whenever you find time to update, I eagerly look forward to it.
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  • From Daye on June 02, 2011
    Just got around to catch up with this. I like the way it's progressing.

    The entire of Pyro not being a madman and instead being a complete gentlemen is quite strange to me though. Though I think I've only seen him in Evolution and a couple of comic issues when he was all legacy viriused up.
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